did you change your mind about wedding? (NOT about the marriage, just the wedding)

annie912

Not sure if someone already asked this question, I looked through some old posts and didn't see it.

Did you have a hard time deciding what you wanted the second time around?  This is his second, and techinically my third (I married my first husband twice - so much for not making the same mistake twice...).

We've been planning a small, family and close friend only ceremony/reception in our backyard and having one of our friends officiate. I didn't want anything big, I guess I'm kind of feeling that whole "you already had your 'big wedding' and it didn't last" pressure, even though no one has said it. (My first wedding was the big "pretty princess day".) But now I'm wondering if I even want that. Not that I want to run off to Vegas, but a destination wedding with just me and him is sounding appealing.

Problem is, I feel like we should have something family-friendly because he has two sons. We have them half the time, he is an amazing father and they are great kids. They're 5 and 8, and he's wondering how much any of this even means to them. They just want me as their stepmom, they don't really care how it happens (or at least that's what FI is thinking).

I know no one can decide this for me, and he said he's open to discussing any and all alternatives, so I guess my question really is - did you change your mind on wedding plans and if so, how many times. We have 11 months and I really see this being something I go back and forth on a couple of times.

right1thistime

We pretty much planned our wedding together over the year and while it evolved, not much drastically changed.  But I think there comes a lot of second guessing with second weddings. 

My advice would be to do something that includes the children.  If you choose to elope to Vegas just the two of you, planning a small family gathering to celebrate (and have cake- the key to young boy's hearts) will make them feel included.  Secretly leaving and coming back married would be very confusing to your kids.  The whole divorce thing is often very secretive and scary, and so you want to be reassuring at this stage.  ~Donna

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_did-change-mind-wedding-not-marriage-just-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:ab1bf1a8-23c6-4bf3-9e6f-735fc84bfab1Post:1a176b25-5fca-4561-bbe4-17a42beb8a3e">Re: did you change your mind about wedding? (NOT about the marriage, just the wedding)</a>:
[QUOTE]Think about what you want....AND what you DON'T want.  What matters is that it's meaningful, and expresses your relationships and aspirations.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

This.  We sort of "tripped" on our location.  We were on vacation 2 years ago and saw a couple getting married in the gazebo that we'll be getting married in and it just clicked.  We knew we wanted a small wedding, so it wasn't hard to do from there.

ginadog

I want a wedding this time around - I feel I missed out on a lot of stuff by just going to the county clerk's office, then back to work.  I was also kind of in a pickle - this guy I had been with for 2.5 years living together and he needed immediate surgery to save his life yet his COBRA insurance just ran out and he needed mine.


So this time, I knew I wanted a ring, a proposal, a wedding with guests.  We are planning an intimate (50 ppl) wedding in Jackson Hole with a weekend of fun activities for our closest family and friends.  FI was never married.

We thought about eloping just because it's going to cost so much money for everyone to come to us (we do not live near anyone).  But it will be the only chance my family will meet his, and my best friends will meet each other.  It will be like a bizarro world!

Everyone has their own story and has to do what feels best for them.

handfast4me

Gina--you had a wedding the first time around--you just didn't have all the hoopla around it.  Please do not belittle those of us who decided to have the two of us with an officiant only by referring to it as not having a wedding.  My second wedding was much more special to me because it was the way DH and I wanted it, not because we had to run out and get married (for whatever reason).  The number of people at the wedding and the dress do not make a marriage any more or less valid.   You chose what you did at that time, and if you had to get a divorce, you, in fact, HAD a WEDDING. 

jrathe1

Plans for ours has changed so much and we still are 2 years away from the big day! Our first thought was to do a small wedding with just close friends/family and just a dinner. Then it was Hawaii, then Jamaica, then Vegas. Now its back to our hometown at one of the city parks. The small dinner and bar hopping with 40 people has now turned into a full reception for 100 people (and that list keeps growing) !!! *sigh*

Even little things such as the dress. I said for the 2nd time i was getting a prom dress. why spend the money when I had the full ballgown the first time. Then i went and tried dresses on. BIG MISTAKE!!! of course i fell in love with a pricier dress that has a semi-cathedral train!!! Yikes! and we went from 1 attendant to 4!

I am sure this will all change again. oh and the other thing that keeps changing, our wedding date! we havent even set that for sure yet. since we are having an outdoor wedding (in Minnesota) we need to plan for it to be either 90 degrees or 50 and cold and rainy. choices, choices.

rmontpas

My fiance and I have been together for 7.5 years.  I actually had kind of thought we would just be engaged and live together for ever until he asked me in August if I would like to get married during a planned vacation in Hawaii in February 2012. 
I have 3 kids from my 1st marriage, 24, 23 and 17.  He has never been married before.  We cannot afford to take all the kids, spouses and grandkids with us and they cannot afford to pay their own way so we are eloping.  I think that eloping and telling them after the fact is easier than having them involved in planning something they will not attend.
We do not want a big wedding at home so eloping makes sense to us.  We have hired a Hawaiian wedding planner and will be having a nice beach wedding with me in a beautiful gown, him in nice white hawaiin wedding clothes, flowers, toasts, pictures ect.  Everything that a normal wedding would have.  I always thought I would want the big wedding I did not ahve the first time but now this makes sense for us.

LuckyHeather

We started out planning a small wedding (we were going to elope in Vegas), however pressure from friends and family caused us to plan something iat home.  Then names kept getting added to the list...which is now up to 230.  So much for intimate...but its hard to draw a line.

Now I am wishing it was smaller, but appreciating the friends/family that will be there.