Second Weddings

Gift/Speech from Child to Parents

My sister is getting married and her fiancee has a 9 year old son.  The 9 year old is the best man.  They would like him to say a few words at the wedding, but we don't think he will.

I'm trying to think of something special to do with him for his "new family."  I'm going to approach him and ask if he would feel better saying something with me, like a poem or a quote from a book.  I haven't found anything exactly on point yet in terms of a poem or quote.  I may do Oh the Places You Will Go by Dr. Suess, but I'm still looking.

Alternatively, I thought I could ask him to make his parents something.  Draw a family photo or whatever he would like to do, and present that gift to them at the reception.  He is 9, I'm not sure if he is into drawing and coloring anymore, but I could ask.

Anyone else have any ideas on what to do??  He's a quiet boy and I'm not sure how much feedback I'm going to get from him when I ask.

Thank you!

Re: Gift/Speech from Child to Parents

  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I would not pressure a 9-year-old into saying anything at all at the wedding.  He obviously had no say in his father's decision to get married, and his feelings about the marriage are likely to be mixed.  He is already participating as best man, which is a tough thing for someone quiet to do.

    Also, is his mother still alive?  If so, he may see references to his "new family" as a slap at her.
  • edited December 2011
    Wholeheartedly SECOND 2d Bride's comments.  You can certainly ASK him if he would like to do anything or would like help with anything, but accept a  NO as it is.  A stilted, "Welcome - I - am - so-happy - to - have - you - as - my -  new- stepmother." from a kid who is being coerced or even encouraged to do something he is not comfortable with will be worse than nothing at all. 

    If you think he would like to express feelings toward his Dad and your sister, offer to buy him a card that he can write in.  ~Donna
  • edited December 2011

    Yeah, you know what, honestly I think you are right. I'm not going to waste my time with it.  Thank you for your thoughts!

  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Any interaction with a child that helps them feel better about a situation isn't a waste of time.

    Quiet and shy children do not like being put on the spot, so taking him aside and asking him if he would like to do anything for his "new family" along with being the "Best Man" is a great idea.  He will then know he has someone who is willing to help him should he want to do something, and if not that is okay too.
  • topcatiomtopcatiom member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    my son is walking me down the aisle, he will be 13 when it happens, he says he's happy to do it for his grandad who passed away but he's no way making a stand in 'father of the bride' speech which i think is fair enough!
  • AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PPs... i may be old fashioned here, but my children were not part of my vows, didn't recite anything, etc. I'm not into the 'family ceremony' - my vows were to my FI, and his were to me. period. The proof is in the pudding on how our family will live together each day.

    With that said, I did force my teen boys to each take a turn dancing with me to Rob Thomas' "Little Wonders" during the reception. It was fun. :)
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