sort of wedding-related - Christmas cards

annie912

We're getting married in August, we've been living together since last February, his kids call me  "step-mom", I'm the "birthday treat" maker, halloween costume designer, I go to all the plays, parent-teacher conferences, etc - heck, I even coached the older one's soccer team this past season. Basically, they have two moms and one dad. But, I'm not officially "step-mom" yet, nor am I "wife" yet.

My issue is Christmas cards. FI and the boys keep referring to "our family". I just don't know if I'm comfortable sending out cards as a "family" yet, since we technically aren't one.

Any thoughts? Would you think it's weird to get a card from someone, his kids and his fiance? Is that inappropriate or does it even matter?

FI doesn't think it's a big deal. Or he's just saying it's not a big deal knowing that if "we" send out a family card instead of me sending out some and him sending out some, then he won't have to worry about it because I will take care of them all.

Sue-n-Kevin

Tough question.

My husband and I did not live together much before we were married. He still has a house that his 19 y/o daughter lives in with her baby, and he lives here now since our marriage in August. Last year I sent Xmas cards to his family and our friends signing "Kevin, Sue, his teen daughter & my 2 kid's names".

In our situation I KNOW that his ex doesn't send cards with his daughter's name because she lived with her dad, not her Mom. Do you have shared custody of the kids, or do you have them most of the time? I guess it matters only if you will be sending Xmas cards to people in your fiance's family that the ex might also send them to. Might be a bit weird for people in his family to get cards listing the kids more than once, one from his ex, one from you.

I'm not suggesting that you fight with the ex as to who gets to name the kids on the holiday cards. I guess the answer is do what feels right, since I doubt there's much etiquette to this, and if there were I'd still question it.

Good luck. And congrats for being such a GREAT almost step-mom.

right1thistime

I think you could easily send out family cards.  Particularly if you all live together.  If the kids live part time with each parent, I would just fyi the xW -- as long as the relationship is decent enough to do that.  If not, then just do what feels comfortable.  It IS a little odd to get 2 cards from a couple living in the same house (like to his parents or siblings, or yours).  ~Donna

coopsbaby

We're doing a little of both. Most people are getting cards from me, fi, and my kids. But I am still friendly with a lot of exh's family, so for them I'm not signing fi's name since we're not married yet. It makes me feel a bit awkward. Once we're married, everybody gets his name on the card.

coopsbaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_sort-of-wedding-related-christmas-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:c05a56bb-fb73-4c82-9578-923d58c87884Post:48ec198c-3543-484f-849c-cbbe78448235">Re: sort of wedding-related - Christmas cards</a>:
[QUOTE]"From our house to your house. Happy Holidays."
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]


As usual, perfect. I do believe I'll use that instead. That way I can get it preprinted on the cards!

vexie

We got engaged last November and married this past June.  Last christmas we sent out family Christams cards (hubby, me and his two young daughters) and just used our first names on the front.  On the back we signed them 'love from the (his last name) and one (his last name) -to-be      They were cute!

I say go for it!  You're not married yet, but you're definitely a family and are probably viewed as such by all your friends and family

ginadog

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_sort-of-wedding-related-christmas-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:c05a56bb-fb73-4c82-9578-923d58c87884Post:aa76c639-d450-478a-9742-c654f6cb845d">sort of wedding-related - Christmas cards</a>:
[QUOTE]We're getting married in August, we've been living together since last February, his kids call me  "step-mom", I'm the "birthday treat" maker, halloween costume designer, I go to all the plays, parent-teacher conferences, etc - heck, I even coached the older one's soccer team this past season. Basically, they have two moms and one dad. But, I'm not officially "step-mom" yet, nor am I "wife" yet. My issue is Christmas cards. FI and the boys keep referring to "our family". I just don't know if I'm comfortable sending out cards as a "family" yet, since we technically aren't one. Any thoughts? Would you think it's weird to get a card from someone, his kids and his fiance? Is that inappropriate or does it even matter? FI doesn't think it's a big deal. Or he's just saying it's not a big deal knowing that if "we" send out a family card instead of me sending out some and him sending out some, then he won't have to worry about it because I will take care of them all.
Posted by annie912[/QUOTE]

My sister sends me Christmas cards with just her, her BF and their son.  He's got four other children, but she only puts a photo of 3 of them..  I like the house2house idea.

annie912

Thanks for all the advice. Luckily we don't have to worry about people getting cards from us and his ex - she wants nothing to do with his family or any friends they had together when they were married.

As weird as it sounds, I don't expect any of his friends or family to look at it as weird, I'm more concerned about my family. Divorce, remarriage, step-kids, and the issues that go with are not common at all in my family - the closest relative I have that's been divorced is my dad's second cousin.

I will probably send out cards just signed by me to the members of my ex's family that I still talk to. FI and his kids don't know any of them, so even after we're married, I can't see putting their names on the cards.

I guess I hadn't planned to send out two cards (one from him and one from me) to friends and family, I was just going to let him take care of them. Now that I think about it, though, they might be more put off that I didn't sign them and think I didn't like them or something.

MikesAngie

We have sent out cards for the last two years together, before our wedding this past April.  We just signed the cards with all our first names (his mine and the daughter's) and combined our mailiing lists. Our address on the outside of the envelope was his last - my maiden,  that will be the only difference this year - we all have the same last name now.