My 2nd Marriage His 3rd

poohbearlover1984

I just recently got divorced from a horriable man that treated me and my three beautiful children horriably.  He was never fatefull and very abusive and after 9 years and 6 months I got tired of it and left him.  I filed for a divorce and couldn't be happier.  My fiance and I have known each other for about ten years, he is a wonderful man who loves me and my three children with all of his heart.  I can't imagine my life without him.  We did not start dateing until I had already moved out and had filed for a divorce, in fact my divorce was almost final when we go together.  He has been married twice before.  His first wife was a wonderful woman, unfortunately she pasted away due to complications from a car wreck.  His second wife was a total bitch who didn't treat him right at all.  My probelm is that everyone I have talked to has said we don't need a big wedding becasue we have both been married before and it would be nothing but a waste of time and money.  The thing is that my first wedding was everything my ex mother-in-law wanted.  She choose everything from the colors to where it would be held.  I didn't even get my own wedding dress.  His first wedding was wonderful, but his second was a nightmare.  He wasn't included in on any of the dessisions and was basically told when and where to show up.  I have included him in on everything I have decided on except my dress.  That is the only thing he has not seen or had any part in.  My question is: Since we have both been married before is it stupid to want to have a big formal wedding? 

prusgirl

Have the wedding you are comfortable with (and can afford).

To me chances to have a new beginning should be celebrated!  Good luck.

2dBride

I'll second what prusgirl said.  Some brides who had a big fancy wedding the first time around want something smaller the second time, and that's fine.  But if you want a big one, and can afford it, go right ahead!  All the old rules about what you should or should not do for a second (or subsequent) wedding are gone now.

Sue-n-Kevin

Mica001 said it best!

Around here there really are "no rules" as to what type of wedding you want. My fiance has had 2 marriages, never really had a wedding. I've never been married before.

We are having an elegant wedding with about 100 people that we can afford, I'm doing a lot of DIY because that's my "thing", and have really enjoyed the planning process.

Don't let ANYONE rain on your parade. Invite the ones you are required to invite by tradition/relationship, they either show up or not. If anyone starts negative talk, change the subject, or tell them that you are celebrating THIS marriage with the wedding you both want, then end the discussion. A marriage is performed by a celebrant, whatever type you hire. A wedding is a party to share the joy. How much you choose to spend on it is your business, no one else's.

Good luck and welcome.

kimp67

Ditto what everyone else said!!!  We've both been married before & have had the traditional big weddings & that's what we want for this time!

MikesAngie

Congratulations!! I agree with the PP's have the wedding you want and can afford there is no reason to start your new life off in debt. 

We are having a formal affair, complete with gowns and tuxes, for 80 of our family and closest friends (we're hoping that's the end count guest list is 112 right now)

Welcome to the board and remember the only rules to THIS wedding are to make it what you and your FI want it to be.

tangledtempest

I say go for it! This is (hopefully) your last marriage / wedding so make it what YOU want! Yeah, you'll ahve to deal with a bunch of nagging people who want to force their opinions on you, but I've decided its worth it because this is OUR wedding that WE are paying for. So, anyone who doesn't like it can suck it. LOL!

poohbearlover1984

Thank you ladies.  I am looking forward to my marriage.  He is the most amazeing man I have ever known.  We have tried to ignore everyhing everyone has said to us.  Most of the negativity is comeing from my ex-husbands family.  When my ex husband and i got married I paid for all of it myself becasue he wasn't working and his mom planned all of it.  i didn't ge to choose anything. I didn't even get my own wedding dress I had to borrow one.  My FH first wedding he was more concerned about giveing his wife what she wanted and didn't put in any imput so he wasn't happy with the way things turned out.  When he married his second wife she wouldn't allow him to have any imput.  This time we have planned EVERYTHING together.  The only thing my FH has not had a say in is my wedding dress.  This may sound silly but there are some traditional stuff that I don't want to give up and him not seeing my wedding dress until i walk down the isle is one of them.

hunnysweet

By all means, have the wedding the two of you want and can afford.  If you receive any monetary wedding gifts, please consider taking a course in basic spelling.  I think it would do you a world of good.

Iguanatan

Tee hee to what hunnysweet said!

handfast4me

Ditto Hunnysweet.  And I agree, you should have the wedding you want. But I'm going to be a buzzkill here.  This is probably not what you want to hear.  But I have to write it, or I will be contributint to the problem.  I  have concerns for anyone who jumps from one relationship into another without some time alone, to figure out what caused  you to get involved in an abusive relationship in the first place, and why it took 9 years, 6 months and three kids to get out. 

Your next statement is going to be: well, he wasn't abusive BEFORE we got married.  Ok, maybe not.  But how do you know that this guy you're planning on marrying now isn't going to repeat the behavior of your XH? 

Unless you're planning on having more children, and you're quickly approaching menopause,  I would strongly urge you to slow down and find yourself first.  Then put that new, strong woman into a relationship.