To Register or not to register?

hlamb007

Hi!

Im getting married in September - second wedding for both of us. I do not really want to register, but am afriad of getting 100 crystal picture frames! Is it OK to register just so people get you something useful?

Thanks!

embracejoy

We don't need a single item that couples usually register for, but I know people will want to buy us a gift... that's just the way our families and friends tend to be.  We're thinking of registering at REI for new outdoor/camping/snowboarding stuff, or Home Depot, so we can get started remodeling our bathroom.

Sue-n-Kevin

My fiance & I have already talked about this, and our wedding is almost 14 months away.

We have WAY too much stuff, combining 2 houses eventually. I have every single thing I need for a comfortable life. Not sure how it works around your area, but around here, most people bring money or checks for weddings. If there is a bridal shower (which I suspect we won't have either), that's when they buy gifts from a registry.

We are not going to register. If anyone in either family buys us something, we suspect it will be a gift they think is personal to us, having known us for so long, in which case it will be special. Otherwise, we figure they will be giving us a financial gift, which we will use to payoff our honeymoon which we are planning as a special trip we will never again probably be able to take in our lifetimes (Europe).

I think it's a personal decision you have to make based on knowing your guests & your needs.

handfast4me

REGISTER!!!  Yes, I am shouting it.  Because, as you've stated, people will want to buy you something. We have a story that has become a board legend.  The dreaded Chili Pepper lamp.  If you do not register, you'll likely get stuff you don't want, need, or like.  Just as one second bride here did--she got a closetful of white elephant gifts, including scrapbooking items (she doesn't scrapbook) and a chili pepper lamp.
Edited to add:  NOT registering will not ensure that people do not buy you gifts, but that people will buy you things that you may not like or need.  And who does not need an extra set up sheets, or an upgrade in some of the small appliances, etc.?  Pick a couple of places that have things you've wanted but can't afford, or just haven't been a priority (for us it was Williams-Sonoma) and go for it.  Try to pick things in all price points.  For example, we really didn't need red spatulas, and other utensils, but mine were years old, and they were inexpensive, so one person could have bought us one or two, or the entire line. 

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_register-not-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:c75a93bf-3960-45ba-8fc8-3976ac9008c4Post:ea49c8a4-c356-467e-9b97-79e3d6a6045a">Re: To Register or not to register?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance & I have already talked about this, and our wedding is almost 14 months away. We have WAY too much stuff, combining 2 houses eventually.
Posted by Sue-n-Kevin[/QUOTE]

Ditto!  My fiance and I have also decided not to register.  We will spread the word, through very close friends and family, that we plan to give a contribution to one of two favorite charities (related to Breast Cancer Awareness and Alzheimers).  We will also mention that, if folks really want to part with their $$, they may want to contribute to one of those charities as well.

By the time the wedding rolls around, we'll both be over 50 years old.  I am quite certain we don't have to worry about anyone thinking that we will want or need anything.  We'll see.

handfast4me

I, too, got married at just prior to turning 50--we combined 2 households.  We didn't even have guests at our wedding, and STILL got gifts.  Thank goodness we registered, so we got things we wanted!

aprilrather

This is what I put on our invitations
Due to being settled in our home,
in lieu of registering,
we ask for contributions for our honeymoon fund!

handfast4me

To mention gifts at all, even when asking for them NOT to be sent is considered, well, not exactly correct. 

And while I understand the honeymoon registry fund, and thing they're OK, you may get a lot of backlash about them.  Others here have. 

hlamb007

Thanks everyone! I wish I could register for a wedding planner
Crate and Barrel here I come!

MikesAngie

I'm with Handfact on the registering!  No reason to end up with things you don't need or want just because people want to present your new union with a gift.

suzieharris

We decided to register on Justmarried.com  It is a honeymoon registry.  My friends have been so excited about helping us out with activities and dinners on our honeymoon.  My best friend said that she would have gotten us a gift card from Target and I would have used it to buy toilet paper(which is so true since we have 6 kids).  She would rather buy us breakfast in bed on our honeymoon. 

SueR13

We're both in our 50s, second wedding for both of us, and we decided to register. We have a lot of things, but we are combining households and there are some new things that we do need.

Having said that, my book club bought me a gift. A platter. Lovely... but we've got plenty of platters! Plenty! My workplace made me a shower - and we got stuff we already have. Obviously at this stage of life we have things. But there are so many things - across the price ranges - that we need. I'm not sure why people assumed we hadn't registered. My co-workers who are invited to the wedding could have seen our registry on our webpage. Was I suppose to advertise more than that?

Lisa50

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_register-not-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:c75a93bf-3960-45ba-8fc8-3976ac9008c4Post:0a2369f2-b568-47ba-856b-ea3e043c5383">Re: To Register or not to register?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're both in our 50s, second wedding for both of us, and we decided to register. We have a lot of things, but we are combining households and there are some new things that we do need. Having said that, my book club bought me a gift. A platter. Lovely... but we've got plenty of platters! Plenty! My workplace made me a shower - and we got stuff we already have. Obviously at this stage of life we have things. But there are so many things - across the price ranges - that we need. I'm not sure why people assumed we hadn't registered. My co-workers who are invited to the wedding could have seen our registry on our webpage. Was I suppose to advertise more than that?
Posted by SueR13[/QUOTE]

I would think you might want to spread the word that you have a web page.  Perhaps people make the assumption you have not registered because of your age and/or because its a second wedding.  But, since you've done work on a web page, its time to put it to work for you.  Let everyone know the URL.

I'm ROARING at the platter comment.  I am known as "platter lady" b/c of my extensive collection.  :)  Plenty of platters??  What does that mean?  Is that possible? LOL!

Best of luck!!
</div>

Sloane99

We're having a similar dilemma. We initially elected not to register at all because we honestly want NOTHING and need nothing, in fact we're moving in a month or so and need to pare down. We're also having a destination wedding and felt it was gift enough for people to travel to be with us.

I think though, after reading this thread, Handfast may have a good point, I defeinitely don't want a bunch of picture frames or anything like that and I may end up with gifts from well-meaning people that aren't actually invited to the wedding (old friends, co-workers, etc) so maybe we should create a quick one. We could always use more bedding or nicer towels or some upgrades to things we have I suppose.

lestauder

Although this is my second wedding, I am only 23 years old and I left my ex with almost everything when we broke up.  My FI is 27, but this is his first wedding.  He bought his house about 2 years ago, but being a single guy, he only bought things he absolutely needed.  And thus, we could still use a lot of things to get us off on the right foot.  We decided to register (against the advice of my mother who is too concerned about old school wedding etiquette).  I worried a lot about what other people would think when we first got engaged, but after reading posts on this board, I have let go of all of my worries. If my family thinks its inappropriate for me to register again, then they don't have buy me a present, or even come for that matter.  

Do what makes you and your FI happy and comfortable! Congrats and good luck!

adrianzbride

I always like to buy from a registry.  I like knowing I'm getting someone a gift they really want or need.  If you want to register, I think it's a big help for your guests.  And those who don't want to buy from there don't have to.

And you don't need to mention it to people.  Just let them ask.

Erin McCormack

I wasn't sure if I should register or not, not knowing if there'll be a shower or not.  Traditionally here, money is the gift for the wedding.  I did go ahead and register @ Longerberger for their pottery.  FI and I have combined 2 houses, we have everything we need, but, everything is his or mine, not ours.  It would be nice to get some new things that are ours, but, I'm not the type to put the word out, if someone asks, then I'll tell them. 

As some of the ladies have mentioned before, our second weddings are no less important than the first time weddings.  It's still a wedding, a marriage and a bride and groom.  It should be celebrated how ever we want.  That's the beauty of the second time, no real rules!

Etiquette_Maven

If you've both been married before, then I would not register. I'd suggest putting a card in the invitation saying something like "Your presence at our wedding is gift enough. If you would like to do something more, please make a donation to your favorite charity in honour of our marriage."

saranash6901

I feel a little bit like when you don't register, you're asking for cash. There must be SOMETHINGS you want! Just put together a small registry for a few things you might need and people will get the hint that there isn't much you really need but there are choices if you go that route.

And for the love of god DO NOT MENTION GIFTS ON YOUR INVITATIONS, EVER!

jodinicoll

We did a honeymoon registry.  Combing two households has left our house and closets overflowing w/ stuff. 

emmilyn

I think everyone wants to avoid receiving things you don't need. You think it would be easier for your friends and family if you tell them you don't want any gifts, but I'm learning that this may not be the case. There are traditional people in our lives that feel compelled to give you something. This is why we're also going with a honeymoon registry instead of a traditional registry. Everybody's happy!!

mleconge

I've been thinking about this a lot, since we each have our own homes and, because my FI's mother passed away earlier this spring, we have a 3rd house & it's things to add in!

However, 2 or 3 people have asked if we are registering (including my mother).  I told them that we were thinking of creating a list of non-profits where guests could make a contribution (my FI is involved with non-profits on a volunteer basis).  Each time, there was a pause and then the person (including my mother!) said, "Well, I'll give you money then."  I got the message - that didn't appeal to them, even though we're both around 50 and have plenty of stuff.

I like buying gifts from registries, so I suppose it's fun for others too.  I'm going to come up with a list of items that we either don't have or could replace and focus on those things.