FI told the ex....and now...

TobeSAS

This woman is nuts. The wedding happens to be on a weekend she is supposed to have the girls. Not a crime, we can switch weekends. Right? You would think. Her first reaction was, "when do you want us to bring the girls?" "I want to see them in the wedding." What, um no. We aren't inviting ourselves to see them in/at your wedding.

Then she proceeds to tell us a second wedding is a waste of money and stupid. (she is planning a courthouse or backyard ceremony for her second. Also, says what if she plans something for that weekend (in August 2011) we have to change our date.

It gets better, FI picked the girls up from her house last night (they go over there after school every other week, he has custody) and they procede to tell them the ex said that the only reason we are planning a wedding is to show off how much money FI makes/has.

Sorry, I just had to share. but the good news is the contract has been sent in, first payments are this week, and since FI has custody she can say what she wants.

Next up, finding the photographer and caterer.

Marrin713

I'm confused.  You and FI of course are getting married; but his exW is also getting married?  They want to come to your wedding to see the girls and they want you to come to their wedding for the same reason?  Tell her that's what photos are for if you're uncomfortable with this.

MikesAngie

I think it's interesting that she is also remarrying next year.  I know that her attempts to interject her wants and wishes are frustrating.  You can always give her the icy stare of death, and then say in your sweetest voice possible "thank you for your opinion, I will take that into consideration" followed with "have you tried the bean dip?"

If she really pushes about being at your wedding to see her daughters all dressed up you can again smile sweetly and say "we plan on taking lots of pictures with the girls and even some with just them we can make sure you get copies."

It sounds to me like she's feeling insecure and feels the need to compete or make things a challenge for you and your FI.

melissamc2

If the custody agreement is pretty set and established, I would have just picked a weekend that your fiance would have the kids, eliminating her having any control over where the girls are at what time.  Perhaps this date has great significance, but that seemed to put her in a position of power from the get-go.  I also can't fault her for her wedding date being in the same year as yours.  A year is a pretty wide timeline.

I hope it all works out, but I guess I'm in the minority about jumping on the "trash the ex" bandwagon.  We're all someone's ex and we're almost all talked about this way at some point, even if we're not doing a damned thing wrong.  She could be posting somewhere about how you guys had half the weekends of the year to have a wedding and went out of your way to choose one of hers, you know?

Try to keep the kids' feelings and sanity at the front of your minds (all of you) and not the he said/she said ex game.

(I'm not saying that to be harsh - just that old relationships are over for a reason and need to stay that way.  It's about the kids now and nothing more.)

Good luck with the rest of the planning!

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_fi-told-exand-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:d0635070-00dc-476c-a9f5-6df655643f0ePost:c46bd2e1-c18d-40a6-8341-46a26a5a1049">Re: FI told the ex....and now...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused.  You and FI of course are getting married; but his exW is also getting married?  They want to come to your wedding to see the girls and they want you to come to their wedding for the same reason?  Tell her that's what photos are for if you're uncomfortable with this.
Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]

Me, too.  Confused, that is ...

right1thistime

Sits right next to Melissa.  For every one of us crabbing about the xW, there's a Fi/DW/GF/SO saying the same thing about us.  ~Donna

MikesAngie

Donna and Melissa you both have very valid points...

arv266

The wedding happens to be on a weekend she is supposed to have the girls.

... I am sitting with Melissa and Donna on this one; as an exW I can see nothing constructive or healthy with bashing one; nor with a ranting post about one.  I think it might help if you see her not as the crazy X, but as the mother of your step-daughters.  She's important in your FSD's lives, it would be healthy for them if you respect it.  And I am not implying that you don't but the tone of your email doesnt support that feeling.

Why, oh why, would you pick a date that she has the girls?  Why would you ask anything (even something so small) of this woman?  What if she says no, because nuts or not, its her weekend, her choice. 

TobeSAS

Thank you all for your input. In the past it has been understood that all weekends are flexible. FI has full custody according to the agreement. When picking the date we did have the girls in mind so it did not interfere with school, as the wedding is out of town.

Thank you all for your opinion and input.  Hopefully she will understand and things will work out. Unfortunately the only other date that was available was not until October of 2011 for the location which would put the girls in school as well as much of my family who will need to travel great distances.

We have been flexible with her in the past about when whe can't/won't be able to take the girls on her agreed upon days. I won't get into that too much, but I can say that FI and his family bend over backwards for her (to keep peace) and for the girls.