Ceremony Ideas to Focus on the Committment

megallyn

Hello,

I'm new to this board and thought I would introduce myself, as well as pose a question:

Wedding Date: November 5, 2011
No. of Marriages: One each for me and fiance
Kids: None for either of us
How long we dated: We dated for six and a half months before getting engaged
How's planning going?: Planning is going pretty well, though I DEFINITELY feel like it's more difficult to plan a second wedding than a first!
Next project to tackle: I need to figure out music (which I'm super stressed about), but also ceremony ideas. So, my question...

Both my fiance and I had very sad and remarkably similar endings to our first marriages. This time around, we are very focused on the committment we are making to each other and we want this to be reflected in the ceremony. Does anybody out there have any ceremony ideas that would really emphasize the lifelong committment and mutual trust that we feel is so important? We want the ceremony (not the reception) to be the main event and I feel like that usually gets lost in most weddings. How can we reclaim the importance of that lifelong committment being made?

Thanks!
Megan

right1thistime

Hi Megan, and welcome.  While I don't know your exact situation-- I feel like I know exactly what you mean.  I felt so different this time, and wanted to let everyone know--"NO REALLY, this time I got it right!"

Having said that, I am not sure there's a way to portray that message through symbolism or in the ceremony.  And while I understand the desire to set this apart from vows you said once before and which had a sad/ terrible ending,  my best advice (from 5 years out) is that living it is what makes it real.  

For the two of you, the focus on the vows- writing your own, and on the readings ( if you go that route)  can be words that speak to you.  If you are having a religious ceremony, getting to know the officiant, and sharing your desire to make the ceremony the focal point may influence his/her words to the assembled guests.  As far as your guests are concerned?  They just aren't going to be as into it as you are.  They very well may care more about getting to the food, the bar and the dance floor.  I don't think you can demand they focus where you want them to, or that you can downplay the reception (where you host a party to thank your guests for being with you) to make them do that.  And I am not sure it matters what they focus on. 

I am sure you can come up with 47000 ways (bless the rings, write a wish, prayer over the bride and groom, friendship circle, etc, etc.)  to force your guests to participate in the ceremony.  Unless they are Quakers, they will do it half-heartedly to be polite. 

Make it meaningful to the two of you. ~Donna

mfeo24

I agree with the above, I just don't think any of us are going to get the enthusiasm from our families/friends as we did the first time around. For us, we're doing a small wedding (9 guests). The ceremony will likely be short and sweet, but more focused on us and the exchanging of the vows. Since it's so small our reception will just be dinner, wine, and good conversation.

So my suggestion would be to keep the reception simple and have a beautiful and intimate ceremony. Focus on the two of you and what you want, not necessarily wedding traditions that don't mean as much to you.

lindaloulubbock

We also did very little of the "traditional" wedding hoopla.  The focus was on our short, sweet ceremony and spending time with our family and friends.

Our ceremony was basic-we had two readings that were significant to us, but that was it.  We did as Donna suggested, we spent some QT with our officiant, and as a result, she delivered a message that fit us very well.  There weren't a bunch of ceremonies within the ceremony or any other distractions.  We were totally focused on one another and the words we and the officiant were speaking. 

I think in the end, the audience takes their cues from you.  If you want them to focus on your ceremony-put your focus there...not by adding sand ceremonies and unity candles (unless that is important to you), but literally drop everything at the door of the church (or whatever venue you are using) and focus on one another and the commitment you are making.  People will notice.