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Officiant - Concerns

MikesAngieMikesAngie member
1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Second Weddings

We have been in contact with our officiant since before signing the contract with her.  Last night she called us with wonderful news; for her, she's pregnant and due on our wedding day. She had already been talking with another officiant and will be putting us in touch as soon as possible.  So being who I am, and wanting to know more about this new person I googled her. 

Uh oh....dang she is an officiant we already vetoed - yes we did that without meeting her.  We had both been searching for a secular officiant and learned quickly that Reverend and non-deniminational really mean references to religious idiology will be in any and all of their ceremonies.  We had waded through several officiants when we had found our now pregnant officiant.

So being back a square one on this isn't great but at least we still have some time to hopefully find the right officiant.

I know there is always a JOP but that isn't what we want.

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Re: Officiant - Concerns

  • PiscesFishPiscesFish
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Hmm...  I don't live in CA, but here are a few ideas.


    1.  Can you get a friend to get ordained for a day to perform the legal aspect? That might make for a better, more personalized ceremony.

    2.  Do you have any friends (or friends of friends) who are Notary Public(s?  Notaries Public?)?

    Your gut reaction is usually the right one, so feel free to disregard this suggestion by your old officiant.

    Mom to a beautiful boy and girl!
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Retread, we don't have a lack of beliefs, we follow the Humanist credo.  I am Native American and much of our ceremony will be a nod to my heritage, another reason we want a secular officiant. 

    Unfortunately there were non-secular folks, that didn't agree with the way my people lived, that did some rather ugly things to my people in the name of their religious ideology. But this is not the time nor the place for a discussion on how Native Americans were treated. 

    I don't judge anyone for their beliefs and do not want to be judged for mine.

    I appreciate the referral, and we have considered them. Thank you!
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  • vb0000vb0000 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am using Jason Shelton who is not connected to any church but has a "ministry" license to perform weddings.  He will do strictly secular ceremonies as he is dong for us - no mention of religion or God or anything.  He's in the East Bay and listed on Craigslist, which had me leery at first, but after meeting him all my doubts went away.  He's fabulous! He's also VERY affordable.  He is very prompt with emails and patently answered all our questions.  He is the only one we interviewed that my Atheist fiancé actually liked.

    Here is his post on Criagslist:
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Perhaps you can always ask your now-pregnant officiant to recommend someone else.  She likely knows more than a handful of people who might be able to help.  I'm sure she'd be happy to help.

    Good luck!
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Retread, thank you for the information one of the Skeptics in the group that we belong to also suggested that we try them as well. 

    I'm Cherokee, Souix and Cheyenne (uh huh quite a mix), happy to get to know you better!

    Your ceremony sounded like a wonderful blend of tradition and honoring your families.  Our plan thus far is to enter the ceremony site, from the right and left in front of our guests, which is very Cherokee as is both the bride and groom being presented by our mothers, which we are doing. We're also looking at using a wedding vessel for a wine ceremony, burning white sage prior to the ceremony, we're looking at other ideas for a family blending ceremony as well.

    We have an appointment to meet at our venue to interview an officiant on the 13th, we'll see how it goes...  If she doesn't fit we'll continue our hunt.

    Thank you all for your suggestions and for the links we'll be checking them all out.
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_officiant-concerns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:d5bd8755-fd92-407f-b435-ecc228bd42fdPost:3984fdef-877e-4037-9ae3-fa72801fa7c4">Re: Officiant - Concerns</a>:
    [QUOTE]We have an appointment to meet at our venue to interview an officiant on the 13th, we'll see how it goes...  If she doesn't fit we'll continue our hunt. Thank you all for your suggestions and for the links we'll be checking them all out.
    Posted by MikesAngie[/QUOTE]

    Good luck at your appointment, Angie.  You have <u>lots</u>of time between now and "then."  Of course, I recognize the urge to just get things done.  So, I'll cross my fingers for you that your meeting on the 13th will be successful (either he/she is the one ... OR ... they can point you in the direction of the person who is the one!).  Yay!
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    My FI is truly wonderful and will do what ever he can to mitigate my stress, so not only do we have an interview on the 13th with a possible officiant, we have one on the 10th now too.

    Poor guy he has seen how certain stressors can just take the wind out of my sails, and then he worries that I don't want to marry him... It's not that it's that for as strong as I can be I'm really a sensitive soul and it affects my creativity which then affects our DIY projects (as in I don't work on them).

    Anyway that is the latest... and now to create our outter envelopes for our invites. Looking for it...where is it... ahhha found it there's my motivation!  LOL
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  • sharonh10sharonh10
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    If the Unitarian Unversalist minister doesn't work.  Try a United Church of Christ minister in our area.  I am an ordained minister in that denomination.  Most of us are pretty liberal and would be willing to give you the type service you would want.  Not sure where in Nothern California but I do know we have a strong presence there.  Good luck!   

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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    We met with one officiant today and the meeting went well.  We will still attend our meeting on the 13th but have pretty much settled on the lady we met today.  There is much to tell about her but she definitely understand Native heritage and culture having recently preformed a Sioux marriage.

    The lady we are meeting on the13th didn't quite seem to get the ceremony that was already written was close to what we wanted and sent us some very non-secular ceremonies to review before our meeting with her on the 13th, so not very impressed.

    I will keep you posted... Thanks ladies for your support!
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yay!  I'm glad you found someone that gets it ... hooray!
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