Quandry Over Guests

MikesAngie

We purposely did not invite my dad's sister and her husband, and now I feel guilty because she is all that remains of my dad's immediate family.  She's a total dingbat but she does love me.

The reason that we did not invite them is even after helping me remove what little I had in the divorce settlement (long story), and finding a poster that was meant to harass and embarass me - they "forgot" that I had moved out and were in touch with my xH.  We don't want my xH to find out our wedding date or there will be more harassment, and are afraid that they will tell him out of "ignorance", so that is why they were not invited.

Another side note my xH hated that side of my family and had nothing nice to say about them the ONE time he went with me to my cousin's house.

Should I invite them?  Or leave it be?

George7211

ok i know this is wrong on so many levels but.......   Could you not send an invitation then  call like two weeks before wedding and say : I did not get your RSVP did you plan on coming" Then pretend it got lost in the mail.   I know horrible but may cause less drama and harassment

right1thistime

Leave it be.  If they ever were to say something to you about not being invited, use the old, "aw you know, its a second wedding-- we kept it small." 

My aunt, who I love dearly, is a Judgey McJudgerson- so I didn't invite her (or any aunts/ uncles).  When she asked me @ church one weekend where her invite was, I used that lline. 

Us second timers spend so much time defending our second weddings, it ought to work to our advantage once in a while. ~Donna

Lisa50

Leave it be.  Go with your gut, Angie.  It's gotten you to a very good place.

I understand how it can feel not to invite someone who "should" be there.  I have made a couple of those decisions.  I have to trust my gut and stick with the initial decision; my reasons were very sound.  You do the same. 

I'm sending some "tough vibes" your way!  Hang in there, sister.

shytownkelly

I vote Leave it be. 

I was really trying to cut out my father and his entire family - but guilt got the best of me so I'm inviting my dad and his wife. 

Happily my wedding is in Mexico (he won't step foot south of the border) and the weekend of his annual fishing trip (he won't change that for ANYTHING).  so I don't worry they'll be there. 

sometimes families suck. 

handfast4me

While I understand the etiquette side of it, I think you should go with your first instinct, and don't invite them.  You must protect YOURSELF first, everything else (like being nice, and proper manners) comes second. 

Donna gave you good advice: "we're keeping it small" is a great answer to a variety of situations. 

Sue-n-Kevin

I have a similar situation, and I agree with the "let it be" (in my head I'm hearing John Lennon singing "Let it Be, let it be........" LOL)

My Dad has one remaining brother out of his original 3. They are both over 80, and my uncle comes to visit my Dad probably twice a month. My Mom can't stand my uncle, and to be honest, I was never close to him. He's not a nice person, and has been the "black sheep" in the family for over 50 years. I know my Dad accomodates his visits, because they are brothers. But even he agrees his brother is a jerk.

I'm not inviting my uncle, and feel no guilt whatsoever.

AbbeyS2011

I agree with PPs - follow your gut instinct to do what you feel is right, and you can never be wrong. 

loriandedwin

I didn't/won't invite any aunts or uncles to my wedding.  We are just having immediate family.  I say if you don't want them, don't invite them.