Prenup

hsbstone

It was a big discussion in the month forum aout prenup agreements. So I'd thought of bringing this subject to this forum as well.
Is anyone thinking about or going for a prenup?
What is opinion about the prenup? 

fireytiger

I'm kinda torn on a prenup to be honest. On one hand, I have been through an ugly divorce in the past, where I came into the relationship with about 10k+ in assets to my name, and 8 months later left the relationship with only 300 dollars. I was left totally destitute and had to start my life over from square one (back in my parent's house) so I can see where a prenup might protect you from losing everything. On the other hand, I personally just can't really jump behind one for my own personal use, I guess because i'm just a romantic at heart and I can't stand to think about another divorce, I want to believe that this is going to be 'til death do us part this time. FI and I are not going to have a prenup, mostly because we don't really have anything worth any great amount of money lol.

Avion22

I'm bringing a lot of assets into the marriage (mostly from my late husband's life insurance, which I have invested), so I'm definitely going to talk to my financial advisor to see if he recommends getting a prenup.   My fiance and I haven't talked about this (we've only been engaged for about two months, and haven't started planning yet), but I can't see how he could have a problem with it.  Whatever we earn while we are together will be jointly controlled, and money from my late husband's life insurance will be under my sole control, eventually to go into some kind of trust probably.

lindaloulubbock

Avion, in your situation, I think it makes a great deal of sense.

For us, it does not.  

Browneyes72

We have talked about it.  My FI is okay with it because of my experience with my first marriage/divorce.  He wants everyone involved to understand that he is marrying me for me and not for money.  I have to love my FI for understanding that sometimes it is all about me.  LOL

shytownkelly

I go back and forth on this one. 

In my head it makes great sense - as I've been working on my 401k and other retirement savings/assets etc for awhile and would hate for a bitter divorce to take from me - that which I did before I even met the FI.  (Not that I think he would do anything like that - more that his baby's mama drama could rear its ugly head at any given time - and who knows what the hell could come from that!)

But then my heart says we are in this for the long haul.  I was never very sure of my exH, so this is a very different feeling for me. 

I've made sure my beneficiaries are setup to take care of my kids first.  I will add the FI after we are married - but my kids will still be the first priority. 

And now I'm thinking a quick call to a lawyer would be worth it - JIC. 

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_prenup-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:da517595-c299-4e04-a873-5c0e6f622326Post:fae9641e-37f4-4c4b-9264-67f0793e925c">Re: Prenup</a>:
[QUOTE]I go back and forth on this one.  In my head it makes great sense - as I've been working on my 401k and other retirement savings/assets etc for awhile and would hate for a bitter divorce to take from me - that which I did before I even met the FI.  (Not that I think he would do anything like that - more that his baby's mama drama could rear its ugly head at any given time - and who knows what the hell could come from that!) But then my heart says we are in this for the long haul.  I was never very sure of my exH, so this is a very different feeling for me.  I've made sure my beneficiaries are setup to take care of my kids first.  I will add the FI after we are married - but my kids will still be the first priority. <strong> And now I'm thinking a quick call to a lawyer would be worth it - JIC. 
</strong>Posted by shytownkelly[/QUOTE]

Exactly.  I know that prenups aren't very romantic, but it's all about protecting your assets, and covering your a** in case anything goes wrong.  Ditto for making sure that your kids are taken care of.  That's why is also makes sense to have a WILL.  Thank God my husband had a will when he passed (we're young and didn't think we needed them, but since we were both military we got them anyway).  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't even THINK of trying to get away with not having a will. 

right1thistime

We did one.  No big deal.

morrisonFTW

Marriage certs. are a business contract, just like any other.  We'll be doing one.  My divorce RUINED me.  My credit, my finances, everything.  It's been years and I'm still struggling to get my credit score above water.  There will be a few straggling debts (small ones, and my student loans) when we're married.  My FI has a great foundation, owns his home, has worked hard for his stability.  Not that I think ANYTHING will ever happen between us.. seriously I think this is the one... but you just never know.  And it's better to protect everyone and make sure the what-ifs are taken care of.. just. in.case.  I would hate for him to worry that he was going to lose his home and assets on top of all of the other emotional stuff that happens when a couple divorces.  Been there - done that.

AbbeyS2011

Personally, I think a prenup is a good idea, especially if one or both parties has assets accumlated prior to the marriage.  However, it is a personal choice between two people, as well as a private matter.  Whatever the two of you decide is up to you, and not meant to be public knowledge, nor does it need to be.

Sue-n-Kevin

I also think a prenup is a good idea, however, in our case (both mid 50's), I'm thinking more about a will revision than pre-nup. Our incomes are comparable, he's moving into my house, and due to the housing market, can't afford to sell his. His 18 y/o daughter (baby-mama) will live there with her child, and he'll continue to pay for most of the expenses. The only thing we will probably save on is groceries.

However, a will is another thing. I've already discussed this with him and am willing to pay my attorney to re-do it. I have 2 life insurance policies over $100,000, and my 401K (for now) is over that. He will get the proceeds from one insurance policy, my 2 kids will split the other and the 401K. They cannot sell the house if he survives me, but when it is sold, the profit will be split 3 ways between him and 2 kids.

He's pretty frugal, I'm careful with money but not a penny-pincher. Once the will is done, I'll feel better.

hsbstone

We are doing a prenup because I have assets in other countries and I have two sons and one grandson. It was FI's idea, and we didn't do it thinking about a possible divorce, but about death.
It may look sort of tragic, but after losing my middle son last year unexpectedly and having to go through some legal battle with his dad's on behalf of my grandson, I think that's a good idea.
We both are changing our living will naming each other as one of the beneficiaries in case of death.
Each one of us own a house here, I make more money than him, but his benefits are better than mine. So in my book we are about the same. He should be a lot better if he had not spent a lot of money in his ugly divorce and custody battle that lasted around 8 years.
I know it's not acceptable for many people, but bad things can happen and you better be prepared to deal with its outcome.

thealphabride

I think  pre nup is a good idea if you are bringing assets into the marriage. I have my house, 401K, savings and life insurance. I have a child. He has the exact same assets as I do and a child. 

 In the event of a divorce we both leave with what we came in with, and split what was accumulated during the marriage.

Sarahkayfa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_prenup-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:da517595-c299-4e04-a873-5c0e6f622326Post:6b7e15d5-2c85-4c4b-a264-05adfe9fca6b">Re: Prenup</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm bringing a lot of assets into the marriage (mostly from my late husband's life insurance, which I have invested), so I'm definitely going to talk to my financial advisor to see if he recommends getting a prenup.   My fiance and I haven't talked about this (we've only been engaged for about two months, and haven't started planning yet), but I can't see how he could have a problem with it.  Whatever we earn while we are together will be jointly controlled, and money from my late husband's life insurance will be under my sole control, eventually to go into some kind of trust probably.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
I think in your case and a lot of people's it makes sense. I think when one partner is bringing a business into the relationship, or when there's children or inheritances involved. <div>For me and my partner, not so much. We both left our previous relationships with nothing and are starting over together. So in our case, there's not much to outline in a prenup. </div>

jenjenaz

i had a prenup on my first marriage because there was a significant income difference and i was a saver (and the $$ maker) and he was the spender.  i didn't want someone to be able to take half of my 401k if he decided to run off with bambi.  i woiuld say that the $800 i spent on the document saved me almost 100k in un-lost (is that even a word) 401k contributions and home equity.

i'm still in the position of outearning my future husband, but we're starting from more equal grounds.  we both have houses, we both have retirement, we both have investment accounts.  i don't think we're going to do a prenup, but he said that he would be OK if we did....

MikesAngie

I offered to have a pre-nup because I walked into our relationship with less (thanks to my XH) and didn't want the hubby to think I was in this for his money (which his XW took a large chunk of along with marital assets, and most of their martial belongings) he didn't want one.  So there isn't one in place, but he's comfortable with it and so am I.  I think when one has assets they should protect themselves.