Wanna smack these "well meaning" (?) idiots!

themeepmeep

OK, I am officially sick to death of the surprised looks I get whenever I share details of me and FI's wedding!

YES we have both been married before.  (Once each.)

YES we are older.

And YES we are having a big formal wedding!

Why does that seem to bother people?  Makes me want to cry, or scream, or both.  I eloped with my 1st hubby, he had a small service with his 1st wife.  Now that we have the financial stability and time to have a big celebration, that's what we want to do.  I swear it seems like everyone -- his family, my family, my workplace, our friends -- expects us to have a backyard bbq and get married in flip-flops because it is our 2nd marriage.  No offense to anyone who's having a backyard bbq wedding, but I for one have *never* had the opportunity to wear a wedding dress and I'm going to wear one, by God, if I have to snatch it off the back of some 19-year-old whose daddy is paying for everything!

Whew!  Sorry friends, thanks for letting me vent.

ltyka

I totally understand!!  I got that reaction in wedding and stationary shops.  It caused me to turn and walk out the door.  Honestly, I think people with a little life experience have a lot better chance of making it in the long haul.  So, take a breath - forgive their stupidity - and enjoy this time!

arv266

OK..just saying... you don't want a dress from a 19 year old.... They may know fashion but it takes age and wisdom to develope a sense of style.   Keep on dancing to the beat of your own drum and PLAN away!

Sue-n-Kevin

I went to a bridal show with my fiance & my daughter.......... the vendors started talking to my 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER thinking she was the bride!

I don't let it get to me at all. I haven't been married before though, just a hussy who had 2 kids before finding Mr Right!

kimp67

I feel your pain!

Lisa50

I'm so sorry you're having this reaction.  I have not had any similar reactions.  Everyone (except one of FI's sisters, who is SO wacky, she doesn't even speak to one of her own sisters) has given us the thumbs up.  Both sides of the family.  All friends.

When we first mentioned a wedding in Aruba, we got some "ugh" responses.  But, when we changed the venue to Annapolis (45 min fr home), everyone has been super-charged.  We are lucky.  Blessed and lucky.

Enjoy all of the planning, prepare for a bit of sticker shock (it seems, no matter what the budget, something will be pricier than planned) and create the wedding of your dreams.  You and your fiance deserve it.

Best of luck!!!

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_wanna-smack-well-meaning-idiots?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:dfe79f8d-b6b7-4e5e-9a43-4318f1906692Post:0e0e5e05-18c2-4d91-bb3e-45260fb89e44">Re: Wanna smack these "well meaning" (?) idiots!</a>:
[QUOTE]I went to a bridal show with my fiance & my daughter.......... the vendors started talking to my 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER thinking she was the bride! Posted by Sue-n-Kevin[/QUOTE]

I know<strong><em> that </em></strong> feeling.  When my FI and I went to a bridal fair last spring, quite a number of vendors assumed we were there on behalf of an adult child.  Hee hee!

MikesAngie

I just smile and tell anyone who asks if I'm going to wear a wedding dress, why yes, it'll be white and I can't decide between a veil with a blusher or a head band...
What else did you expect? 
If I'm treated poorly but a vendor, shop or stationier they don't get my hard earned money! 

I've only had two family members ask any "rude" questions... one was my tactless sister and the other a cousin of my FI.  My sister I ignored (Dad would be proud if he were here), and the cousin I answered with of course I'm going to wear a wedding dress... She has no clue about second weddings or so she says.

prusgirl

Sweetalker - CONGRATULATIONS & I applaud you.

It was my first wedding but, my husband's second.  We are older but thanks to great genes we look younger .    I actually have kinda the opposite effect, I was the one worried about what everyone would think.  I was the one telling everyone "um I'm too old for that..." So, I love what you are saying. (I did have a pretty fancy but SMALL wedding; I thought it would be silly to have hundreds of people at my age).

HAVE YOUR DAY YOUR WAY and if I were you, I would just send your people the invitations and leave it at that!  I would not discuss anything more with them at all!  They seem like they are just going to bring you down -- intentionally or not.  They will come, you will WOW them because this is what you want and you paid for it!

And if you need support - we're here!

thealphabride

I feel your pain sista!

I as well never got the chance to wear a wedding gown, or have a wedding with guests and a reception. I was married in the courthouse with baby on board about 15 years ago. Been divorced for 12 years and finally found my prince.
 
My mom supported me. Even though I'm 53, she said it's my turn to have my day. The sisters wanted me to have something small and inexpensive. I've been in all the sister's big weddings, cousin's big weddings and friend's big weddings.
AND I don't desreve a big wedding with the gown and all the trimmings???? WHY? Beacuse I'm older? Because it's my second marriage???? no. I'm celebrating my love with my love.... get over it sisters!! AND THEY DID (with mom's help:)
They are fully on board,  and wearing beautiful classy dresses and standing up with me.

Love my momma!!! She's 78 and finally gets to see her girl walk down the isle. I did it for her as much as myself. 

I planned my dream wedding and in 2 days my dreams will come true. Especially since I've found my prince and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him and that is what this is all about.

It's all about the partner and finding great love, and remind everyone that love deserves a big wedding celebration. And yes you will be wearing what you want to wear and throwing the party you want to have.

Give your family time, they may come around and get excited as the planning goes on. Best of luck!

[Deleted User]

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Scarlet Starlet 31

I can't believe the number of people getting attitude or comments from others about having a big second wedding.  
It's just unbelievable.  At least there's some strong minded women on this board who speak their minds right back and stay true to their visions!

right1thistime

One of my favorite (but not something I thought up) answers to "you aren't wearing a wedding dress, ARE YOU?" is a quizzical, "why yes, yes I am, what else would the bride wear to a WEDDING?"   ~Donna

mizjodi

I've gotten the most flack from my mother and her mom. I just simply stated "the rules have changed, we're allowed to have as big a wedding as we want!"

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_wanna-smack-well-meaning-idiots?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:dfe79f8d-b6b7-4e5e-9a43-4318f1906692Post:ef80c3ad-3fed-4a1d-bece-33a34a13fc33">Re: Wanna smack these "well meaning" (?) idiots!</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my favorite (but not something I thought up) answers to "you aren't wearing a wedding dress, ARE YOU?" is a quizzical, "why yes, yes I am, what else would the bride wear to a WEDDING?"   ~Donna
Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

I <strong><font color="#ff0000"><em>love </em></font></strong>that! 

jenn5570

Its your wedding day!!! You deserve to spend it how ever you decide, the only people who have bad comments in my opinion are the ones who have nothing better to do with there time. Dont let anyone tell you that you cant have the wedding you dream of, just because its your second! Where your wedding dress and have a great time. Wish you all the luck

[Deleted User]

All of you absolutely made my day.  I too am an older but first time bride.  My fiance and I have been together for many years, but I finally decided we needed to make it "legal."  Fortunately, I really didn't think I had the bride gene so started planning a small, simple wedding.  Well guess what?  I have the gene; it was just dozing quietly.  Fortunately, no one has really given me the "llook" I was expecting.  Most people have been very supportive.  I wish I could tell some of the younger brides to stop obsessing about the trivia and the family disputes and just enjoy the journey.  I would give anything if I could have a pre-wedding argument with my mother, but she passed away a couple of years ago.  She loved my fiance as much as her own children so this would have been a thrilling event for her.

My college roommate was one of the first I told of our wedding plans and told her while most women my age are checking into Medicare benefits, I am planning a wedding and working on a second master's degree.  So I'm ready to show those twenty something brides how it should be done.   And to everyone, enjoy your gown, your rings, your celebration and many happy, healthy years to come.

Brooklclark

I had a very different experience. This will be my second wedding (and I am in my 20s) I married my high school sweet heart when I was 18 and found out later that he was not a good person. My first wedding was huge and nothing that I wanted. My FI. When I met and got engaged to my FI I received a lot of back lash from my family. some just stopped talking to me altogether. When I told one family member I was getting married she responded one even asked "you can't expect your father to pay for another wedding?" I just blew her off like she didn’t say anything. My FI and I are the ones paying for everything and it's  no one's business but my own. We are having a small wedding. Also I loved when I went in to the dress shop and the girl tried to put me in all of these huge dresses and I said "I would like a lighter dress with no frills" she responded with a snobby tone) "those are more for second weddings" I told her it was my second wedding she said "oh then you shouldn't wear a white dress" needless to say I did not buy a dress from her.  I hope that your wedding planning and wedding turn out exactly the way you want.

teedove

Ladies, ladies, ladies......this is my 3rd marriage and I don't give a flying f^^87 what anybody thinks about what I am doing. Yes, I am wearing a white dress....Yes I am having a wedding cake.  The only thing I am not having a big wedding, only because we don't want one. Not because noone thinks we shouldn't have one.  I am having a nice intimate wedding with just me and FH on the beach in the Florida Keys.  I said I wanted to married on a beach and my FH is marrying me on a sugar beach in the Florida Keys. July 7, 2011@ 9:00a. Spit on anyone who dosen't like it.  Of course I know there are some people that think that I am being foolish acting like a school girl.  But all the things I went through in my life to find real love.  I am dang sure going to commermorate it.  So do what ever you want to do.  Make you and your FH happy.  I forgot to mention it's his 3rd marriage also.

sof0830

what great posts.!!  Some folk are so small minded-- some even have no mind at all...
Go with your gut and what feels right. It took me almost 38 years to figure this one out!  B well ladies and happy planning. Wear white, wear red or nothing at all. It's your day , go ahead and enjoy it.