Good guy but...scared

Cricket127

Hello all!

As it is just over two weeks before my wedding (March 19) to my high school sweetheart, I have to admit I am a tad nervous.  We've known each other for 20 years and have lived together for 4.  We've gone our separate ways a few times but always felt a connection between us (When Harry Met Sally right???)  He's done a lot for me (stable home, never been drunk, etc...) and yet I my nerves often get the better of me.  Why?  Well, two reasons.  One--My first marriage was a sham and I did get out of it and two--he hasn't done much directly concerning the wedding and left most of it to me.  I have asked for his help but haven't gotten much of anywhere.

 I know it is love and sincere respect between us and I don't think I caould have picked a better person but...am I just going through pre-wedding jitters?  When I become nervous, I have a tendency to snap and I don't want to do that.

Suggestions please!
Thanks!

bbertrand

Take a few deep breaths.  

First, listen to your gut, is it telling you that this is the right choice?  You obviously love him, or you wouldn't be together for so long.  Coming from a soon to be second bride, do not judge this one on the last.  There are two different people involved here.  You have changed, your not the same person you were before. 

Second, he wouldn't have asked if her didn't want to marry you.  Is he letting you plan everything because he wants you to have the wedding you want without crushing your dreams or does he just not want to help at all?  Have you explained how overwhelmed you may feel?  Deligate. Give him something to do that you feel comfortable letting go of. let him pick out the cake topper or assemble favors.  But don't criticize the outcome, praise him for a job well done.

Best of luck to you!

right1thistime

95% of me says pre-wedding jitters.  But here's one way to gauge the right answer to your question -- is this the way he is about everyhting?  Is he someone who doesn't do anything for Christmas (if that's a day you celebrate), birthdays, dinner parties, or other celebrations?  Does he sit on the couch and say, "woman!  get me my beer!"?  Does he normally help when he's asked?  and sometimes when he is not asked?    I think that many men feel that wedding stuff is for women, that the guy's role is to show up and wear a tux/ suit and not get trashed at the wedding. 

If this IS the way he is about everything, the second test question is- are you ok with that?  Because if you cook every meal, clean every dish, and shoo him out of YOUR kitchen, decorate every room as you wish without consulting him--but suddenly expect him to come compare shades of fuschia and magenta, he's getting a mixed message.  If you are doing everything but are NOT ok with it- that's where I say Ho' de doo'!!  Why are you marrying someone who isn't who you want as your partner? 
Again most likely the jitters, but don't overlook the little voice inside if its screaming something to you.  ~Donna

Sue-n-Kevin

Prior poster said EXACTLY what I'd say.

You have lived together for 4 years. Has it been good? You said it has. A lack of interest in wedding planning is common among men. My fiance is interested when I ask him about things, but he knows I'm a "take charge type A" person, and since he's been married before, leaves it to me.

If it is more than just jitters, only you would know, not us. But don't let the wedding happen if you do not love him unconditionally, and vice versa. You have 4 years of experience to tell you whether he is the right guy or not. It sounds like he is.

Good luck.

thealphabride

http://www.consciousweddings.com/CW_bridesMessageBoard.html
This site may be able to help you sort out your feelings.
Best of luck.

ktkenyon

The ladies above said everything I would say - great minds and all that, but one more thing.

How well do you really communicate? Love and good communication don't always come in the same package. Are you able to talk openly with him about anything? One of my hardest lessons was to learn to not start every sentence with the word "you." When I started them with "I" instead.

Finally, let go of the past. You can't change it. You can only go from where you are.  Keep the joyful memories, learn from your mistakes and move on.

This is gruesome, but would you chain a rotting corpse to your ankle and drag it everywhere you go for the rest of you life? That's exactly what we do when we can't bury the past.

Best of luck to the two of you regardless of what you decide.