WWYD

golfbride44

Hi ladies--

Getting married in March....second marriages for both of us.  Our plan was to elope--just the 2 of us.  Recently we decided it would be nice to have just our parents there. 

Once we discussed plans with our parents we decided to openly tell everyone we were engaged.  I began to wear my engagement ring, etc.  Everyone has been beyond excited for us, however it has surfaced that our sibilngs are less than thrilled with our choice to only have parents at the ceremony. 

Fi and I realize they want to attend because they love us, but our original plan was to keep it very small to focus on our marrige instead of it being a big production (we both had the big weddings already)

Would you stand your ground and not invite them, or figure its only 5 more people that would be coming so its not a big deal ?

TIA

handfast4me

We chose to just have ourselves, no guests, no attendants.  Although our engagement was public (why were you keeping it a secret?  That doesn't make sense to me.)

Plus, my daughter ran off to the JOP last summer.  Her FMIL wanted to come, since they lived in the same city as she does, (I live about 90 minutes away), but she told her FMIL "no, if you come, then I HAVE to have my mom, and so, no, no one comes.  We want to keep it romantic, intimate and just the two of us."  She's a smart young lady for the age of 23.  

Since you've now invited your parents, well, I think the horse has left the barn.  If you start with the siblings, then it will be their SOs, and then their kids.  Then, it's Aunt Sally, her husband, and oh, wait, the nieces and nephews you haven't seen in years.    You are already sliding down a steep slope.  Have everyone to dinner at your house sometime in the future, but for now, keep it with what you've got.   

golfbride44

Thanks hand--- I think were going to stick to our plan with only inviting parents.  We were keeping it secret to go off, elope, and then surprise everyone--simply to avoid drama and any judgement about getting married again (FI and I both are in our late 20s).  We realized we wanted to share the excitement a month or so after the engagement and began to tell people.  Hindsight is 20/20--- but I guess we didn't go about it the best way to avoid hurting peoples feelings. 

Thanks for your advice

handfast4me

Yeah, it's hard to avoid hurt feelings with all of this. I'm 50, and was 48 when I got remarried.  The hardest part I had was telling my very well meaning sister that no, I didn't want her to plan a reception.  Because that would have been HER party, not mine (she told me "is all you have to do is show up!")  and she wanted her daughter to be in the wedding party.  While she's a lovely young lady, I just didn't want attendants.  So, concentrate on what the two of YOU want.  Best wishes.

right1thistime

I think you can "cut" the invitation line wherever YOU TWO want.  If its only parents, you can leave out siblings.  It is harder when you start to invite some sibs and not others, but even that can be done, if you don't mind dealing with the lava flow that follows. 

Tell them that you know they want to be there because they love you, and that you love them also, BUT that the way they can be loving is to not hassle you about not coming to the event. 

And I like the dinner idea.  ~Donna

Siobhan50

With our wedding I wanted to have something small and intimate, with no family..not that we don;t love them, but wanted to relax and just have a good time, not worry if people attending were okay.  As a result, in 74 days getting married in Florida, with a total of 8 guests....at first people were a little upset, especially my mom and his kids....however all have come around, realizing its how we want to do it.. but I have included them in shopping and planning....and have a special gift to be delivered to those "special people in my life" who will NOT be there.