Dad is just a guest

lindseymon

Hi everyone!
My second wedding is March 24. My FI and I are paying for most of it ourselves, with a little help from my mom. My dad and I don't really get along. I had him and my mom both walk me down the aisle at my first wedding, though if it had been up to me I would have only had my mom. This time, at my second, I want to walk down the aisle by myself. I don't want to do a father/daughter dance at this one.

My question is this - do I need to have a conversation with my dad to let him know that he can come and enjoy the wedding as a guest with no responsibility for things like walking down the aisle or first dances? Or do I just not say anything unless he asks? I'm thinking I just shouldn't say anything unless he asks, and if he does I would just say something like "No, Dad, you will just be there as a guest, just come and enjoy it!"

I would really appreciate your thoughts! 

Lindsey

jennylee813

He might like a heads up. Do you think he's expecting to walk you down the aisle or do the dances?

I might say something pretty general like, "we're not doing the traditional things this time. I'm planning to walk down the aisle alone (or have FI meet me halfway/or we're walking together ...) and we're not doing the same number of dances etc."

Just something to make him aware, so he's not shocked.

right1thistime

I would judge this by what you know about him.  If he is the drama llama type to make a scene if he is surprised, or to just request the DJ play a song for him to dance with his daughter, then absolutely put your foot down up front.  If he is the type to try to change your mind endlessly between now & the time of the wedding, I might wait until late Feb to let him know what you are doing. 

I wouldn't make this into a "thing", though.  Just, as jennylee suggested, a casual, comment about doing things differently.  If he asks for something specific, rather than making a point about his lack of financial support (which is NEVER a good reason) or how not close you are, I would suggest you just shrug & vaguely say something like, "oh, you know, its a second wedding, we don't have to do all the traditional stuff, less stress."  Then change the subject pointedly.  ~Donna

mmmendi

I wanted my boys to escort me partly down the aisle, then continue alone. The day of? It was cramped, my dad never asked (and I am totally a daddy's girl), and I sent for my boys to be seated with the guests. Funnily enough - they sat "groom's side" lol and my mother made them move! I had advised that no one needed to pick a side, just a seat lol and it all turned out just fine! You know your father best, and whether you need to address it now or not. Your decision is fine, and needs no justification.

lindseymon

Thank you all for your suggestions!!!

Lindsey