Second Weddings

Wedding Party Question plus bridal shower question

Ok here's the situation - I originally had asked my BF to be my MOH.  She ended up going psycho/crazy and said incredibly rude things to me and my FI.  I decided she is not going to be involved in the wedding.  Now I have no MOH.  I have asked 2 of my friends to be BM's but my FI is having a Best Man.  He is asking 3 people to stand (1 is the best man).  I only have 2 BM's.  I am not particularly close to anyone else to ask them to be an MOH and not sure if I should ask one of the BM's to substitute as an MOH.  Also I will still be a BM short if I do substitute.  Any suggestions/help on what to do?  

Part 2 of this question -

Since now I no longer have an MOH, who is going to throw a bridal shower?  Since as far as I know the MOH is usually the one to do.that  (There are also other things an MOH is supposed to do for a wedding and I don't know who is going to fill this role).  Is it even customary to have a bridal shower for a 2nd wedding?  I don't know the proper etiquette?  It is still my FI's first marriage and think we should since he hasn't been married before.

Re: Wedding Party Question plus bridal shower question

  • jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ok thats awful that your BF is tripping, have you talked with her to find out whats going on in her life? She may be facing some mental issues.

    I would not promote anyone to fill in that spot just leave has is with your 2 BM

    The other part of your question is that its not required to have your MOH/BM throw a shower or BP for you. Its a treat. Maybe your BM or mom or something will throw you one. Its nothing that you plan or don't expect it has you may be disappointed.
  • WillandTianaWillandTiana member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Unfortunately she gave me hell because she thought I was getting married too soon.  (We got engaged after 2 months together).  She thought that people may not accept us because we are in an interracial relationship (I'm white, he's asian).  She also said that my FI might be using me to become a U.S. Citizen and that's why he's marrying me.  (When for the record he has been in the U.S. for 18 years and if he really wanted to "use" someone for that I'm sure he could have done so in 18 years time! He's 36) None of what she says holds water and I find it entirely offensive.  She also said that he's "changed me" and that now I'm just going to be a lazy housewife because he makes good money and I won't have to work if I don't want to.  (When again for the record I LOVE to work).
  • jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Cool yeah be that lazy housewife LOL.
  • edited December 2011
    Wow, sorry to  hear about your troubles with your friend.  I assume you've tried to talk to her to see if she has problems in her world that you're not aware of etc.  Having said that, the bridal party doesnt have to be symmetrical.  I don't think you need to "move" a BM into the MOH role at all.  The MOH is an honour position really, with no special duties or expectations attached.  If you have a shower gifted to you, great.  If not, then no shower.

    Good luck with your planning and congrats!
  • WillandTianaWillandTiana member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice.  I guess the wedding party will not be "evenly numbered" on both sides.  I'd rather have people I'm close to than just "another body" to fill in a spot.  And as far as the friend, she has written me and said that she understands that she will not be MOH or BM after what she has said.  (Btw - she said ALL of those things prior to even meeting my FI).  She has also confessed that she needs to go on anti-depressants and may need to see a psychologist (which I completely agree!).  I'm going to choose my wedding dress next week with my BM's.  Wish me luck!
  • edited December 2011
    I have a similar situation.  My best friend has been asked to be Matron of Honor, but we are not sure she is going to be able to be there at the wedding due to her eldest graduating from high school the same week as our wedding.  Orginally the graduation was set for the 24th, but with snow days it looks like it could be the the day before, and if so she will not be able to be in 2 cities 4 hours apart at the same time.  

    What we have decided if things work out, great and she will be there, if not I will not have any honor attendants.  It is my opinion of course but that is just not an honor you can pass down to the next person.  
  • edited December 2011
    I have a similar situation.  My best friend has been asked to be Matron of Honor, but we are not sure she is going to be able to be there at the wedding due to her eldest graduating from high school the same week as our wedding.  Orginally the graduation was set for the 24th, but with snow days it looks like it could be the the day before, and if so she will not be able to be in 2 cities 4 hours apart at the same time.  

    What we have decided if things work out, great and she will be there, if not I will not have any honor attendants.  It is my opinion of course but that is just not an honor you can pass down to the next person.  HTH

    Rae
  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, it sounds as though you are dealing with some tough issues.

    Just my opinion, as an older bride:

    - I have 2 "best friends", one from high school, and one from my life in Massachusetts over 25 years ago. I've asked both to "stand up" in my wedding. I feel no need to differentiate between them as  being a matron of honor (both are married). They are just happy for me, that I've found a great guy. They, along with others, will be "attendents"......... I feel no need to differentiate other than that.

    - In today's world, with a poor economy, I wouldn't expect a shower. Even if it is your fiance's first wedding, you are both old enough to have set up homes or lifestyles and acquired the things it takes to live comfortably. The historic purpose of a "wedding shower" is to provide the things that a young couple may not have, such as cookware, sheets, towels, etc. I'd recommend talking to both sets of parents, and perhaps if you think your families feel the need to give you gifts before the wedding, have a small "we're engaged and getting married" party some time before the wedding. If you think your family or friends would want ideas of things to buy you, register for a small amount of gifts that you may need to combine your lives/things, things you don't already have like an extra set of sheets or towels, a favorite cooking item you don't have, etc. It gives them ideas, but they don't have to scroll through a huge list of items.

    I say these things because my fiance and I have 2 homes, 2 long and prior lives to combine, and we will be getting rid of stuff in order to be together. Look at your "stuff" in relation to your expectations, not tradition.

    Good luck.
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