HIS SECOND MY FIRST

kendra.cowser

I am stuck on wedding size and how many people to let each person invite.  This will be my finace's second wedding and my first.  My mom and dad will be paying for the wedding, but his parents will do the rehersal dinner and a few odds and ends. 
My parents are divorced and my mom is remarried.  His parents are divorced and both parents re married.
So I have my mom's guests
My dad's guests
His mom's guests
His dad's guests
and our guests. 
Once you get just aunts, uncles, and 1st cousins, there is a lot.  I want to keep it right around 250.  What is the appropriate amount to let the grooms parents invite to the wedding.  I asked his mom for a list of people she wanted to invite and she told me to give her a number and she will go with whatever they are "allowed" UGH.  I need guidance!

coopsbaby

It's hard to start making a list, isn't it? We had a bit of a time, and both of our parents are still together. Must be even harder when you have 4 groups of parents!

There's a coupls of ways you could do it, or at least get ou started.

First, figure out your "must haves". That would include yourselves, must have family, wedding party and everyone's SO's. Then see how many spots that leaves open and divide it up for each family. You would probably end up with dividing it 5 ways (you, your mom, your dad, his mom, his dad.)

Or you could make a list of everyone you think should be invited (including parents' friends and such) and see if your parents want to add anyone. This is the way we did it, and it worked for us numbers wise, but it sounds like it might work better for you to give them all an exact number they can invite. Hope that helps a bit!

Sue-n-Kevin

Coopsbaby gave you some good advice. When we got married last August, it was my first and my hubby's third, but he never had a formal large reception with the prior 2.

I've seen on the Knot people recommending doing your guest list in "circles". In other words, the inner circle are people you really want/must invite, ie your best friends & guests, your hubby's best friends and guests, then immediate family (grandparents, siblings & significant others). That's the first "circle". Then work outward to aunts & uncles. Then decide on whether you are inviting first cousins, and if so, how large does that make your list? You may end up making exceptions if you are very close to a first cousin, but can't afford to invite all, etc.

The best advice is to decide your budget with your parents who are paying. If you know how much money you have to work with you can then choose how to spend it. Most posts I've read state the reception, with food & alcohol, runs about 75% of the costs. The remainder is the other vendors, photographers, DJ, transportation, flowers/decor, wedding attire, etc. Pick the things that are the most important to you, then allocate your budget accordingly.

Good luck.

Lisa50

You've received good advice.  I'll share this -- I was quite comfortable inviting some first cousins and not others.  I did not invite my niece (now wish that I had) and nephew (very happy I did not).  We invited H's nieces and nephews, but not their kids.  One couple replied, adding on their 2 kids (infant and toddler); we let it ride.

It seems you need to decide whose list takes priority, apply the circles technique and go from there.  Also, take your time.  As well, I'll say something not often uttered on these boards, even if someone is family, if you don't talk to them or otherwise maintain contact except at funerals or reunions, don't invite them to your wedding.  There.  I said it.

Good luck!