OMG!

eslteacher28

I am 31 years old...was married at 21 and divorced after seven years of marriage. I went through a long divorce..was separated for a long time, and truly feel like I found myself in that whole mess! Well, the other night my fiance and I were reading through a book together (christian book on marriage) and I got this pit in my stomach and thought OMG I'm getting married again. It was a fleeting thought that lasted less than 30 seconds, but I am just wondering do you think this is normal? I dont want to go into this with fear, however, I think it goes with the territory...what do you think?

geordieboysgirl

Normal, no worries.
CCH

handfast4me

If there are other red flags, you need to pay attention to them.  If not, it's normal to have some fear given that you've been through this once unsuccessfully before.  As long, though, as you figured out what caused that marriage to fail (probably married too young, before you really knew yourself?), then I think you're probably OK.   I was married for 18 years the first time.  We just grew apart and after he had a head injury, at around our 5 year mark, the differences in the man I married and the man he became were too great.  But I caused half of that failure, too.

Anyway, I always laugh and say that I'm not going to make the same mistake twice, this time I'm going to make a whole NEW set of mistakes.  :-)

SweetAmy33

I completely understand! I was married for 5 years and it took us 5 more years to divorce. My ex just left and moved in with his girlfriend, leaving me, a stay at home mom with 2 kids, no job, no money, and a lot of debt. I worked my butt for the past 6 years working full time, raising my boys, and going back to school. Now I am engaged to my best friend. 99% of the time I am so happy I could burst, like all of it was worth something but every now and then I creep into the "OMG, am I really doing this again?" It doesnt last long, only a minute or 2 and then Im over it.

I think this is normal. Remeber 2 things: 1) you are a different person this time, you are stronger and more prepared for marriage as well as fully aware of what youa re getting into! 2) You are marrying a different person. A man who really knows you and loves you for you! Those 2 little differences make all the world of difference!

Best wishes!!!!! I hope this helped a little!

right1thistime

I think the silent OMG! hits all of us.  The "why am I even considering doing this again?"  along with the "everything is fine just being a couple- why are we getting married?" 

One of my favorite lines is from a movie (Fried Green Tomatoes, I think, but I am not a movie buff).  It goes something like, Don't punish the man you are with for your ex-husband's mistakes.   I think we all fall into the trap.  My xH cheated, so I suspect everything this new person does. Or, why is he broke? Does he have a gambling problem too?  Or, he is so angry, is he going to leave? 

Handfast's line about new mistakes applies to us and to the men we love.  None are perfect we are just (hopefully) better prepared to work through those imperfections. ~Donna

melio0617

I go thru that quite often right now... I was married for 7 years and I left, but we're stil on very good terms and now I'm with someone I can easily see myself with for the long haul, but I second guess myself a lot thinking, "well I messed this up the first time, what's to say I won't mess up again?" I'm trying to work thru it, but it still works its way in every so often. I think what the others have said is great. It sounds like your moments are just fleeting to I think you're good to go

eslteacher28

thanks ladies! I actually sighed after reading! Breathing is good!