feeling guilty I guess

icefog34

I'm very happy with where I'm at right now and very happy to be getting married to the man I love.  I've been divorced for several years now, but I'm starting to have moments where I think about the traditions that weddings have and how I almost feel like I have no right to be doing this again. 

I was just looking at toasting flutes and it brought back a memory of a set I had with my previous husband and the guilt came on!  There will be a few people at this wedding that were there for my last one and I'm almost embarrassed to have them there    Is anyone else going through this struggle of "do I deserve this?" right now? 

MikesAngie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_feeling-guilty-i-guess?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:ee21accd-b302-404e-a44c-90489a00a875Post:d671c604-4177-48d9-9d36-b809f3ead50c">feeling guilty I guess</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm very happy with where I'm at right now and very happy to be getting married to the man I love.  I've been divorced for several years now, but I'm starting to have moments where I think about the traditions that weddings have and how I almost feel like I have no right to be doing this again.  I was just looking at toasting flutes and it brought back a memory of a set I had with my previous husband and the guilt came on!  There will be a few people at this wedding that were there for my last one and I'm almost embarrassed to have them there  :(  Is anyone else going through this struggle of "do I deserve this?" right now? 
Posted by icefog34[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Read the "It's Normal" sticky - there is a lot of helpful information there.</div><div>
</div><div>And yes you do deserve this now!  This is your FIRST marriage to your FI.  So celebrate it the way you both want and within your budget.  Congratulations!!! 
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anssett

I think we've all been there. Read the 'It's Normal' thread at the top of the board. Reading that was the first time I realized there were other people out there feeling like I feel.

The guilt comes and goes for me. I mostly worry my family & non-divorced peers will judge me. I'm 99% sure it's all in my head and no one else cares, but the feelings are still there. I'm trying to feel my feelings but not let them guide me into shame cr*p. I did make a moderately big mistake many years ago when I married a guy I was unsure about, my mom told me I'd be miserable with, and my friends didn't connect with. I was immature in many ways and don't think there was any other way to become the amazing woman I am NOW, without having been that girl before. Your past brings you to your present. Even the icky stuff you wish you could forget. It all shapes you. And your fiance LOVES the current you. I hope that helps a bit. *hugs* This board is full of us going through the same stuff.

right1thistime

I think guilt is an early stage of grief after a divorce.  I am not sure of what all the stages would be, but I think that you end up somewhere between "letting it go" and appreciating what you gained from your struggles.

Lisa50

Are you feeling guilty about getting married again?  Or is the guilt about following the "traditions" associated with weddings?  If it's the first, then maybe the timing's not right for walking down the aisle again.  If it's the second, I have no advice.

I wish you the best in getting over the guilt so that you can move on to the good stuff -- planning a wonderful wedding and kicking off a fantastic marriage.  Hang in there and keep your eye on the prize!  Good luck.