Second Weddings

Wedding Ring - Using Same Ring as First Marriage

I was married in 1996 and divorced 5 years later.  My first husband was like a brother to me - we were never much more (but he was the first halfway normal guy I dated and I married him for all the wrong reasons).  I was 25 years old.

I divorced in 2001 and was alone for many years, trying to figure my life out, trying to raise our two children.  I had previously known my current fiance and our paths crossed once again in 2008 and we have been together ever since.  He proposed this past September with the most gorgeous engagement ring.

Originally I didn't think I wanted a wedding band, but the more I think about it, the more I would like something.  For my first wedding, we used my Grandma's wedding band and it holds very special meaning to me.  It's very simple, just a thin gold intricate band (that is actually very worn because she never took it off) and the top has some little silver detail work to it (no diamonds).  I think it would be gorgeous with my current engagement ring but ... I used her ring for my first wedding.

I'm not superstitious and I don't hold any special meaning toward the ring as it relates to my first marriage.  It does, however, have very special meaning to me as it relates to my Grandmother and the marriage she had with my Grandfather.  I haven't said anything to my fiance yet - I just want to get a feel for others' responses.

Do you immediately think - no freakin' way!  Or do you see my side of it, as it pertains to the special meaning of that particular ring?

This is a picture of my current e-ring.  The center stone is 1.13 carats and it has pave diamonds up both sides.  The my Grandmother's wedding band is very simple and very thin (I don't have a photo of it).  Honest thoughts?

Re: Wedding Ring - Using Same Ring as First Marriage

  • edited December 2011

    I am in a similar situation...  If it was just a "regular" ring, I might hesitate to use it.  Since it is a family heirloom - that means more.  The wedding ring I will wear was my FI's Mom's last one before she passed away.  His first wife wore it, but because it was his Mom's that is more important to me than who wore it before me.  I hope that makes sense.

    Anniversary
  • milesbellamilesbella member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Makes total sense, and thanks for the reply.  I finally just asked FI about it...he said he actually thought it was "cool" that I would want to use it but is more concerned that it won't match the E-ring.  I suppose I could wear it on my right hand too....I just really love what the ring represents to me - which is the everlasting love of my grandparents.
  • edited December 2011
    Glad it made sense.  ;)  The engagement ring we got won't go with the wedding ring, so I'm going to wear my e-ring on my right hand after we're married.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    You wore it during your first marriage, but the everlasting love that it symbolized was not present.  To me, that means it was being used at the wrong time-- it was meant to be used for this marriage!  The mistake was using it the first time- there's no mistake in using it this time.  ~Donna
  • milesbellamilesbella member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks, Donna - that was THE perfect reply and I really appreciate it!
  • edited December 2011
    You are welcome.  The reason I "know" this is that the center stone in my e-ring is a diamond from my DH's grandmother.  She gave each of her grandson's a diamond to give to their wife.  When he was married before, he used the diamond as her e-ring.  She hated it.  She never wore it, left it in a safe deposit box, and when they seperated, told him to just give her cash and keep the ring. 

    When he asked me if I wanted him to sell this (gorgeous 100 year old) diamond to buy a new stone/ring for me, my answer was "absolutely NOT".  We reset the stone into a design we worked with a jeweler to create, and I love my ring.  The way I look at it, that diamond was meant for his wife.  She was never meant to BE his wife.  I love and treasure the ring, and the history behind it.  (Thank you Mabel!) 

    So many first timers would cringe at my story-- and talk about "bad karma".  I always wonder what they think happens to all the engagement rings that divorced women get rid of???  ROFL.  ~Donna
  • edited December 2011
    I don't necessarily think a ring is bad luck or something. If you ex husband had given you the wedding band I would think "What" but the fact that it was your grandmothers is different.  I still don't know if I woud use it for a wedding band (don't have to agree with me) .  One of the reasons I wouldn't wear it is because you said it is old and wearing thin, I would be worried about it loosing it's design and becoming so thin you couldn't wear it any more.  What about taking it to a jeweller and having it built us (get recommendations) so that it is old and new?
  • AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    The circumstances surrounding your wedding band go back much further than you and your ex.  Also, since your FH is fine with it, then by all means wear it.

    I have my wedding bands from my first marriage - my ex was very odd.  We bought wedding bands before we were married because we said vows to each other one day while watching a TV preacher quoting a marriage commitment biblical passage, and he said that meant we were married.  (Strange, I know).  Later on, we took a trip to South Dakota and got some black hills gold wedding bands - we still were not married.  A few years later, when we officially got married in Iowa, we went home through the Black Hills again, and got new bands then too.  I have 2 of 3 of the wedding bands, he never got me an e ring.

    FH and I will shop for wedding bands next month.  He jokingly said he has an old one lying around and I said so do I but I am not wearing them - we will get new ones!

    Anniversary
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Since it is your grandmother's ring, and it was meant to be worn in a loving marriage (as that is where it came from) - I say wear it!!  Unless of course it is too fragile if that is the case you can get the thin areas redone.
  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'd also wear it -- it was your grandmother's ring and that's clearly the connection you feel most strongly. It will remind you of her and be a symbol of this marriage.

    FWIW, I took the diamonds out of my ring from my first wedding band and had them reset to use for my wedding band with DH. They were good diamonds, the diamonds themselves had no sentimental value to me, and I still liked that general style of ring so I chose a similar style for the new setting.
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Dumb question but what's FWIW?
  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Angie -- it means "for what it's worth." I've gotten in the habit of using it a lot (probably too much!) when I'm adding info that's somewhat, but probably not directly, related to the question.
  • edited December 2011
    Wear it on your right hand
  • edited December 2011

    Or on a silver chain around you neck.  You really don't want it getting so worn that it can't be passed down again.

  • CakegirlB21CakegirlB21 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_wedding-ring-using-same-ring-first-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:ef1e56bb-08f9-4e04-af2d-619d58ff8cd3Post:ba784e12-ad1a-4143-81f8-bf5d17b12abe">Re: Wedding Ring - Using Same Ring as First Marriage</a>:
    [QUOTE]You are welcome.  The reason I "know" this is that the center stone in my e-ring is a diamond from my DH's grandmother.  She gave each of her grandson's a diamond to give to their wife.  When he was married before, he used the diamond as her e-ring.  She hated it.  She never wore it, left it in a safe deposit box, and when they seperated, told him to just give her cash and keep the ring.  When he asked me if I wanted him to sell this (gorgeous 100 year old) diamond to buy a new stone/ring for me, my answer was "absolutely NOT".  We reset the stone into a design we worked with a jeweler to create, and I love my ring.  The way I look at it, that diamond was meant for his wife.  She was never meant to BE his wife.  I love and treasure the ring, and the history behind it.  (Thank you Mabel!)  So many first timers would cringe at my story-- and talk about "bad karma".  I always wonder what they think happens to all the engagement rings that divorced women get rid of???  ROFL.  ~Donna
    Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]
    This is totally awesome! great answer for a touchy and touching question! best of luck to you and to the orignial post maker :)
  • luckyme502luckyme502 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have read all the replies, but I still think I wouldn't wear it as my wedding band. It just seems weird.  Maybe you can save it and give it to your daughter one day?  I just don't think I could use the same wedding ring twice. 
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