Ideas???

Marrin713

Second wedding for both of us - in our early 50's. We're getting married on a Friday afternoon at the county building, but two days later we are having a small cocktail/appetizer reception at a local golf/country club.  I have a few questions.......

Do we need a receiving line in a situation like this??

We want to make sure via the invites that everyone knows its not going to be dinner - just drinks, appetizers, and cake.  Wording ideas?

Last but not least......my dad recently died and I'd like to honor his life in some way at the reception.  I truly wish we would have gotten married while he was still alive despite how sick he was, but he didn't make it.  My thought was to have a family pic at the reception; maybe surrounded by flowers or my bridal bouquet.  My fiance's father also died, but about 3 years ago.  I thought pics of both the dads??
 

Sue-n-Kevin

Welcome Marrin. I'm also a "50-ish" (LOL) bride, but not getting married for 18 months.

Congrats on finding the right guy.

If you read many of the posts here, you'll see most of the advice says to do whatever you want. If you want a receiving line to accept congrats from each of your guests, that would be fine. It might be a bit repetitive though if you are also going to mingle with guests & talk to them later.

Your invitations, and the time you choose, should make it apparent that it's not a meal. Most cocktail reception type events, where a meal is not served, are held before or after meal times. That would be like 2-3 pm, or 7-8 pm start times. If you are having it at a meal time when most guests would be eating, then you'd need to have heavy appetizers that can substitute for a meal. But your invitation should tell them they are being invited to a "cocktail reception".

I'm sorry about your dad. I am worrying myself, because my dad is in his 80's and while in pretty good health, you never know if they will make it. What most of the brides have recommended multiple times on the boards is what you are planning, a picture of the dads (do both, it will be nice), or perhaps their wedding pics? You can use your bouquet, or a small "toss type" bouquet, with or without a memorial candle. It might be nice to use flowers they or the moms liked.

If you want to go with a candle, you can make a nice memorial one with their names on it, using a piece of vellum paper and a printer or photocopier. Just type their names & something you want to say (Still in our hearts, whatever you want) and then you can cut it to attach to your cylinder candle.

Good luck. Again, welcome.

right1thistime

Sorry on the loss of your fathers. I second Sue's comments about the invite and timing. 
I'd skip a receiving line if it is a small event, but that's me.  I think they are stilted.  Do what makes you two happy.

If the memorial table will make you happy or make you feel the presence of the fathers- go for it.  I would just caution you that this is already a very emotional day, and with the loss so recent, the memorial table could be a source of tears.  Personally I wouldn't do it, but you can choose to do what you wish.  Think about the moms' reactions as well.  It may actually be more uplifting to share a favorite photo of you and your dad, and he and his dad.  Something like "Celebrating with us in our hearts".  Just a little more joyful.  ~Dnna

Marrin713

Thanks Sue - I like the "still in our hearts" sentiment.  Cherish your dad Sue and what time you have.  I do regret not doing this last summer, but mom said he was always pleased that I was with my fiance and that he was no longer worried about me.  Okay, enough of the sad stuff........

Yes, reception will be Sunday evening at 7 PM and the people that are coming are folks that we see all of the time so even without the invite stating it's cocktails and apps only, they already know what's going on.  We've been blessed with great friends and family.

I do think we're going to forgo the receiving line.  The moms are from different states so they are the ones that we'll be introducing around, but other than that we think most everyone knows each other and there will be alot of mingling - that's what you do at a cocktail party right?

Will you (and others) being doing these reception favors for the guests?  Boy back in the early 80's when I was doing this for the first time, there was never anything like that.  But I see it at receptions and showers all of the time now.  Not sure what we'll do (if we do - I'd rather make a donation than buy useless trinkets) - but if we do, I was thinkg around the golf tees with our names on it (fiance is a rabid golfer) and bookmarks (as I am an intense reader).  If we do a donation how do we let the guests know this?  I don't think anyone is expecting favors anyway.

Yikes, I am writing a novel here.......

Marrin713

Donna - thanks for reply.  I thought about the sadness as well that's why I'm selecting "fun" pics.  I have time to thik about it at any rate, and the moms are onboard.  I come from a very European family and this sort of thing is bred into us I think - honoring the dead at all the major events in your life, but it is something I want to do anyway because this wedding would have been straight up his alley and he would have had a ball looking forward to it.

Yep, as said in above post, I think the receiving line will be a no-go.

right1thistime

Unless your heart is set on favors- I would (and did) skip them.  Usually they are, as you said, trinkets- which are more than anything else, useless clutter.  People our age need less - not more of that.  ~Donna

nyrek

I also lost both my step-dad (Oct. 08) and my father (Jun 09) and we absolutely are honoring them at our reception!  Not every memorial has to look like a funeral or be percieved as a sad thing.

I'm having each of their favorite drinks made and they will be on a special area in the bar (where they will not get "accidentally" drank.)  On each glass will be a paper dragonfly (our family has a huge thing about dragonflies and transformation).  Those who knew them will know what it's for.  Those who didn't won't care.  

The dragonfly thing looks like this:


 

Marrin713

Nyrek - how lovely!

msblumoo

I am also an older bride (will be 49 when I marry this November) My father passed away 4yrs ago I know he will be with me this day but even so I plan on getting either a locket or a memorial picture frame that attaches to your bridal boquet with a ribbon. This way I feel I will not be walking down the aisle on my own but with my dad! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Sue-n-Kevin

We are doing favors, but thought long & hard about what we wanted to do that might be something people kept.

I bought glass coasters, with an opening in the middle for an insert. I think the intent is putting in a picture, but we are going to do monograms of the guests receiving them. I'm attaching the seating card to the set of 2 coasters, and each guest will get 2 coasters. So a married couple will get four. My fiance has brothers with a wife & 2 kids each, so they will get 8 !

I bought them here on the knot through their "shopping" link, at the time I got them they were 99 cents for a boxed set of 2 coasters. Not sure of the prices now, or what styles they have. But I've found through all my wedding planning that "Google" is my best friend.

There is a "favor" board if you want to see what others are doing, through the Special Topic Wedding Board. I've seen all sorts of great ideas, but a lot of them are geared to the "younger" brides & guests. One of the things I like is that it's an opportunity to share a talent you have (making jam, cookies, limoncello, flavored vodkas) or to give things that are meaningful to you (something to do with wines, such as wine glass rings, wine bottle openers, whatever). Some brides are having "candy stations" with multiple different candies to match their color schemes. If we have one, we are going to have the "old time" candies like Mary Janes, Slow Poke suckers, Necco, because most of our guests are "mature" like us. Whether you do favors or not does not matter. Everyone will have a great time.

Marrin713

Msblum - can I ask where you are getting that frame for your bouquet?  I won't be doing a walk down the aisle but I will have a small bouquet of some sort so this would be a nice idea.  I was also thinking of getting a replica of my bouquet made from silk flowers and then my mom can take them back down to FL and place them on top of his box (urn).

Sue - I've read many of the other boards here and yes, seem geared toward the young 'uns, but that's okay; you need to be young to have the energy for all this.  I'm going to discuss with fiance when he gets back from golf trip re the favors.  I'm not terribly keen, but it seems to be the thing to do nowadays.  Still doesn't mean I need to do it.  My matron of honor is very much into DIY type things so maybe she'll have fun tying mesh bags full of Jordan almonds I am just SO not into crafts and DIY.

msblumoo

Get Married.com is where i saw the picture frame. It is a memorial frame and I believe it costs about 18dollars.

Marrin713

Thanks MsB - I'm off to look!

Marrin713

Ooooh I love it!  Many thanks - I didn't even realize that anything like this was available!

msblumoo

Your Welcome!

pamila51510

I don't think a receiving line is necessary. I think that people will come to you.
Here is what my memorial basically looks like we are honoring my FI's brother. My 2 Grandfathers and my Aunt. Flowers would be a nice touch as well. I have a poem about my loved ones that we have lost.
 
Congrats!!! Its awesome when you find the right one!

  

handfast4me

Both of my folks are deceased, and DH lost a brother, all three have been gone about 10 years or more years.  We didn't have guests at our wedding, but we wanted to remember them somehow.  So, we put the following phrase into our ceremony, near the beginning. I teared up, but then we got onto the fun and happy part.  

Those who could not be with us here today, we would like to recognize, that they live on in the hearts of Bridename and Groomname. They are here with us today, if only in our hearts, watching as we celebrate this blessed union. Let us take a few moments to remember and honor Deceased names here, and any other loved ones who are not able to join us today...

handfast4me

Yikes.  sorry for the weird font.  I copied and pasted. 

Marrin713

Pamila - how nice your memorial looks!

Handfast - we'll be saying something too in rememberence of the dads.