NWR: Exhausted!

Lisa50

File this under "sandwich generation" OR ... "the real meaning of middle age" -- I don't know if this is a rant or a whine, but I need to get it out ...

My father, 89, fell on the street in front of his house yesterday.  Neighbors called me -- while I was at the outplacement office (lost my job a year ago) -- to give me a heads up as they waited for EMTs. Once the paramedics determined the hospital, I was on my way!  As background, my father suffers from Parkinson's symptoms, for which he refuses treatment, and is the sole caretaker for my mother (age 78) who has Alzheimer's (she is in the middle stages).  *sigh*

Thankfully, he was released after treatment (staples-- ich! -- to close the gash on the back of his head; tetanus shot; and negative CT scan results). On the way back to their home, I stopped at my house to pick up FI and dinner he'd ordered for my parents (reason #586 I love my fiance!).  BTW ... My father's picture is in your dictionary next to the definition of "stubborn" as evidenced by the fact that he's now experienced his 3rd fall in less than 3 months and still refuses treatment for the Parkinson's symptoms.  *sigh*

I am the only child (brother and sister have passed away).  Luckily, I have support of family members, my parents' doctors, neighbors, and my terrific FI (who is dealing with his not-so-gracefully aging father 1,000 miles away).  At times, though, I feel frustrated, isolated and alone.  And all I want to do is cry.  But, there is no time to do that ... I have a very active high school senior (football, track, Sunday school teacher, Tae Kwon Do competitor, college apps looming, driver's license/road test on Thursday, etc.) for whom I am a very active, supportive mom.  *sigh*  Oh yeah, and a wedding to plan -- with stupid floral/decor vendors who want to charge an arm and a leg for a stupid canopy!!! Grrrr ....

On the bright side, I have an informational interview with an industry leader I've been trying to meet for months at 10:00 this morning.  My head is pounding (only slept about 4 hours!).  I need a break.  Canceling or postponing this interview is not an option.

Okay, whining is over.  For now.  Thank you!

Erin McCormack

Exhausted- Too say the least You got it right this is the definition of middle age.  I still amazes me how the younger brides who have only a fraction of the balls in the air to juggle and youth on their side can't seem to handle let alone deal with the simplest things.  Spend a day in our shoes and see how their perspective changes. 

With that said,  I wish you the best of luck on your interview, I'm sure they will realize that you are the perfect addition to their company with all the skills and experience you've gained over the years. 

My heart goes out to you with your parents situation, it's nothing short of exacerbating and emotional.  Hopefully, your fathers Dr. can give a stronger nudge to encourage your dad to stay complient.  His quality of life will only improve, as well as yours. 

Take a deep breath, things have a way of working there way out especially for those who give so much to everyone.  And before you know it you'll be marrying the man of your dreams. 

Best of luck,
Erin. 

right1thistime

Lisa - Any chance your parents would consider/ be able to afford Assisted Living?  When I was struggling with my mom's safety two years ago, I tapped into a ton of resources and found an amazing assisted living to move her to.  Knowing that she was SAFE removed so much of that burden of worry that hangs over your head.  Do you have a local elder services dept?  Can your Dad's PCP apply some pressure to him re: safety?   My mother's amazing doctor (I'm a nurse - I don't lavish that praise very often) told me to place all the blame on him.  So for months I kept singing the mantra - "if you don't move to this new place (the assisted living) Dr. P says you will have to go to a nursing home."  She was mad at him (she never really forgave him for taking her driver's license away years before) but she would never go against him. 

I am constantly badgering the caregivers in the hospital who say things like, "why can't the daughter...."  that they have NO CLUE what is on the plate of an adult child. 

Sending you positive interview vibes, and good luck with your parents.  I'm also sending you a PM with my email address -- shoot me a line if you need to vent!  ~Donna

Sue-n-Kevin

Oh Lisa, I'm with you both sympathetically AND in the same boat. Glad for now your dad is OK, and that you are able to juggle all this with a wedding too! I totally agree Erin, when I see the whiney assed posts of people our kid's age, I have to LMAO (wish I actually COULD laugh some of this ass off.......needs toning!).

Good luck with your interview, and if they don't realize what an amazing addition you'd be to their work staff, best wishes for continued job search. It's funny, I just read an article on CNN.com that the DC area has the lowest unemployment in the country, one open job to one job seeker. I'm sure you'll find something soon. My son lives there while attending grad school at GWU, and he has an interview next Monday.

My parents are in good health.......... for now. But my dad, who just turned 84 last week, still goes up on the ROOF to do repairs. My Mom is done trying to reason with him, so someday he'll just lose his footing and his stubborness will be the end of him. I see daily changes in my mom's mental faculties. Nothing major, but I can tell she's less sharp at 79 than she was a year ago, and a year before that. They both still drive (ugh), but less, and my mom hasn't driven in bad weather for years. I'm also an only child, "sandwiched" between them and my 23 y/o son and "active" daughter who is in her junior year, turning Sweet Sixteen on 10/1. We just finished the driver's training, and she has to log 50 hrs of driving with me or her dad in the car before March, plus there's soccer year round (travel team now, winter indoor practices, school JV team in spring). And yes, along with all this, I have a fabulous fiance also, and we are planning a wedding that will bring together families (he has a 29 y/o alcoholic son who is in his 9th month of "captivity" at a facility where he will be until next May, learning how to survive without booze), a 17 y/o daughter who just had a baby in July, and does not appear anxious to seek work OR attend school, at least not yet. His oldest is pretty mature, 30 y/o, married with 2 kids, living in Hawaii with her Marine hubby.

I am SO glad a place like the Knot exists so we can plan a wedding and bitch at the same time. I pass over the "Should I......", "Does this go/match......", "My MOH is X,Y,Z......." "How can I do this.......?" posts, because honestly, I exhaust enough energy on fixing my OWN life to care if a youngster bride needs strangers to answer their questions.

Good luck and come back and tell us how the interview went.

Marrin713

Glad your father is okay Lisa.  My mom fell down the up escalator at Macy's in July and I thought that was the end of her.  Nope, nothing broken.  They're tougher than we give them credit for.

Good luck with the interview!

Erin McCormack

This is why I love this board.  We all get it.......Thank God!

LindaN21

Lisa,

Good luck on your interview!!  I applaud you for all you are doing and going thru right now.  Hang in there!!  I have been unemployed since the beginning of this year too and sometimes find myself depressed and wanting to have a pity party for myself, but my aging parents are still healthy for the time being and I am grateful for that.  Glad your Dad is okay and you will get thru this!

MikesAngie

Lisa,

Good luck with your interview, please let us know how it goes!! 

I'm glad your dad is okay,hopefully you will be able to get through to him about his health and that treating his symptoms will only help - no hurt.  He probably doesn't want to admit that he has an issue.

Lisa50

Thank you, thank you all!  I love this board b/c you GET IT. 

I couldn't believe that, as exhausted as I was from the ER escapade, I woke up at flippin' 2:30 in the morning.  I fell asleep for 1/2 hour before I had to shower and get to the interview. 

The woman with whom I met isn't hiring, however, she LOVES my background and stated that she can (and will) help me!  She has pledged to facilitate introductions to 10 to 15 ppl who are (or will be) hiring.  She has invited me to be her guest at an event tomorrow (need to find "cocktail attire" in my closet!) at which she will introduce me to a few ppl in the industry who are hiring.  What a great meeting!

Thank you for all of the suggestions and support re: my parents.  I have a game plan in the works but I'm trying to do all of this peacefully.  My dad is so stubborn, and gets so pissed, that its sometimes difficult to deal with him. 

That said, a neighbor/friend of my parents is going to speak to him tonight, in no uncertain terms, about things that need to be done re: medications, help in the house, help with my mom, power of attorney, medical directives, etc.  Another neighbor/friend is on deck to do the same thing the next day.  I will do the same on Friday.  It will be relentless -- in the nicest way possible.

I know its going to be a long, tough road and honestly I am as tough as that road.  But sometimes, I just gotta vent.

Thank you for allowing me to do so!

MikesAngie

Lisa,

Thank you for the good news!! I hope something very good and postive comes of those introductions!

I also hope that with all the gentle reminders that having help, taking medications and such will help your dad see that he's not weak - just in his "golden" years and can have assistance where it's needed.  I think older men resist assistance because of pride.

Vent any time!  Also share the good stuff as well!

Sue-n-Kevin

Best wishes, and good luck Lisa. Hope something comes of your evening. Knock em dead!