If I hear....(short vent)

20pearls16

If I have another person say to me, "Didn't you have a big wedding the first time or All of that for a second wedding?" I am going to scream! All of WHAT????? Just because I am wearing a wedding dress (Ivory), having a ceremony and a cocktail reception for 80 people does not mean that this is going to be some extravagant affair. I don't even have a bridal party. I had to snap at my good friend and tell her, "Yes I have been married before, but I have never been married to him! This is NOT your wedding , this is my wedding!" I've decided to stop taliking to people about it. Why do people seem to think if you have a second wedding you should just go to City Hall or go away to the Islands. Thank God for TK. I can talk WR stuff all day long.

dewingedpixie

I'm with you. My first wedding was when I was pregnant with my daughter there was no fan fare we were poor and it ended badly. His first wife no fan fare either court house wedding. This time I dont feel rushed I know he's the one and I'm not getting married for social reasons or expectations. This time he's not getting married for those reasons on a different level either. We are happy, we've found our other half. I've been divorced 6 years, he's been divorced 3. We are ready to celebrate for real this time! We want a real wedding with a real celbration because this wedding is the real deal. I guess I did it the smart way the backward way. We both had cheap first ceremonies because it was the trial and error marraige. I was young and dumb, and he was the chilvalrous man who wanted to save a damsel in distress. This time we have found our best friend and something real, we've taken our time and we know and cant wait to be together not just in this life but forever. So when people ask me why have a big wedding its your second I tell them simply the first was wrong and I didnt have the means then I was young and stupid. I'm older now this is the right one, and I cherrish him because of the lessons I've learned. I want to celebrate that for real because its worth celebrating!

B

pearls687

Unfortunately, I think I've let those kinds of comments (or the idea that people might be thinking the same but just not saying it) dull my shine a little.  Throughout the course of our 1.5 yr engagement, I have found myself downplaying our plans or not mentioning them at all unless asked.  That was easy to do early on because everything was so far out, but now that I'm at T-38 days and people are all over me asking for details, it's becoming more difficult to contain my excitement.  I'm afraid of what I will say if somebody makes a negative comment at this stage in the game.  My plan is to say, "Well it's NOT at the JOP and we will understand if you are unable to make it." but I can't make any promises. 

ronik77

I'm right there with you! I was young and dumb and thought I would never find anyone else... I'm not having some big elaborate thing. But I just haven't felt like a bride very much lately. My BM's didn't find it necessary to throw me any kind of shower or anything at all, because this is my 2nd time. Which is fine, I understand, but it's just like made me feel like crap.

dewingedpixie

I guess I'm really lucky. I'm not even officially engaged yet and my bridesmaids are excited to throw me showers, and go shopping. Again I was young, had a rough divorce no big wedding before. They know I've been through a lot of rough relationships. Everyone close to me including my family is super excited like this is my first wedding. For me thats what it feels like my first and only. My best friend I think said it best "Your first marraige was annullable it doesnt count, and you didnt get the real wedding you wanted then anyway. Its about time you found someone who loves you and treats you right, that is something to celebrate".


B

msgand3

I second (or third) the comments! It has been suggested to me as well to just go to city hall or why invite this person because they were at your first wedding... It is so frustrating to hear! :-( I think all couples want their day to be special and creat new wonderful memories.  It shouldn't be clouded with negative comments or questions.  I encourage all of us "second marriage" couples to do what WE as a couple want- big, small, whatever! :-) Congrats to all and God bless.

HeathenSwan

There's nothing wrong with having a big wedding a second time around, whether the first one was a big one or not. As you said, this is the first time you're marrying him. Drives me nuts. Luckily, it's his first, otherwise I suspect I'd hear crap from his family regarding our wedding. 

People need to be backhanded now and again. And they need to understand that we deserve whatever we want to do for ourselves and our weddings. 

Alyxzimms

My FI & I have been together for 6 years and are getting married in July... My parents are divorced & remarried (a number of times). When I told them we are getting married they both asked "why".... Everyone loves my FI, so that isn't the issue... It took them about a week before I finally heard congratulations.... We are having a destination wedding and will be staying at a beautiful resort... I am getting more negative comments about that...although we have provided information on less expensive options... I get a number of complaints - I really want to tell them "It's an INVITATION - You don't HAVE to come!"

deedaball

I'm having almost as big of wedding as my first time around.  I am widowed and my FH is divorced with two kids.  Both of our immediate families are thrilled...whether any of our friends and/or extended family have said anything I don't really care.  It's going to be a great party and we have 300+ people invited... time to party!