I am very happy, but...

icefog34

I am still too worried about what other people think about my 2nd marriage coming up soon.  I felt horrible for my FI when his mom said she wouldn't come, and "it's not like I haven't seen you get married before" (it's his 2nd marriage too).  And then most recently, one of the r.s.v.p.'s that I received in the mail from one of my family friends, who has known me since I was a little kid, decides in his decline letter to also point out "To be honest, I was saddened when you and your ex seperated).  Really?? Was it really necessary to put that little statement in a r.s.v.p. letter???  *sigh*  I love my FI dearly and am more proud than ever to have him by my side and look forward to the day I can call him my husband.  But these little things really hurt and make me feel, and probably him, about as unsupported as a couple can get.  Heck, I think even my BF of many years is only going because she doesn't want to lose an already strainged friendship.  I appreciate her coming, but I know she doesn't approve, having never met my FI. 
I am doing my best to hold my head high, and I won't say anything to my FI about the r.s.v.p. that I received.  I just wanted to get it off my chest

coopsbaby

I'll say it again, sometimes people suck. I can't imagine putting something like that in an rsvp decline. I mean, really?

Marrin713

FFS, some people have no filters.  I'm sorry that happened to you

Jells2dot0

I know it sucks, but people suck. Continue to move down the path you want with your FI, cut the idiots who are hurtful out of your life, and focus on those who are being supportive and want to be a part of your life and your new relationship. You are happy and there is no need to allow people who clearly don't care about you and your well being to bring you down or ruin this special moment in your life.

kmbryant2413

I'm terrified this is going to happen to me when the time comes around for me to get married again, which will be soon. I am so sorry that that happened to you, some people are cruel. Absolutely good on you for holding your head up! I live in the deep south and divorce, even though it happens all the time, is frowned upon in my area. It won't be fun.

Just remember that your wedding day is about you and FI becoming Mr. and Mrs., don't let anyone knock you down. Best of luck, darling!

beautifulmama28

WOW.  I don't know why I am ever shocked by peoples behvaior,...because I'm always amazed at the calousness people show in regards to others feelings.

I have no advice other than this...In the last 4 years of my life, through all the transition I've been through, one thing I have learned is when people have nothing but ugly/negative to say or share with you, and or judge you...it might be time to say it was nice but I have to move on.

My father called me an idiot when I told him I was getting divorced...and this is a Christian man who talks about his relationship with Jesus daily. Nevermind trying to understand the situation.

In the long run I had to learn that it was my life and my happiness was more important that pleasing someone else's idea of perfection on this earth, especially where religion was concerned.

Also...everything happens for a reason.

I'm so so sorry you had to hear that. NO one deserves that. *hugs* I hope and pray you can find a way to process the comments and say what needs to be said in return

MuppetOverlord

I've truly come to understand which relationships are valued in my life over the past several years. There are some people who I've realized will ALWAYS be a meaningful part of my life and others who don't care (or perhaps no longer care, if we were once close) and losing those relationships was painful.

I hate that this is happening to you during such a happy, positive time in your life and I know it is hurtful, but I hope you are able to realize that you are better off spending your wedding day with the people who love you and care about your happiness. These are the people that will always be a part of your life!

That RSVP comment is simply a slap in the face for the honor you extended him with your invitation. You don't need that kind of person in your life.

FMIL's response is unforgiveable... I'm not sure how to comment about that except that I am so sorry that she's saying this. DH should tell her how that makes him feel.

icefog34

Thank you for the support ladies. I wasn't sure if I was just being too sensitive or not. What sucks the most about it all is, it's making me feel foolish for trying to put together a wedding, especially the kind I've always wanted to have! Only 9 ppl of the 70 we've invited so far are confirmed and I am super happy they'll be there, but gosh to spend money on what could just as easily havr been a backyard bbq....well, what's in the works is done and I'm not going to change it. I guess there will just be more food and cake for ME!! lol

Sue-n-Kevin

Your last post shows the attitude you should have!

I agree with the prior posters, people suck sometimes. I'm not just amazed by what I see on these boards, but in society in general (another topic for another post).

Enjoy your happiness. I would say, if you have a Facebook page (or your fiance does), keep all your pictures and things private, or don't even bother to post. I say this not because people had comments on our wedding, because I never heard anything negative. I say this because I've seen or heard of stuff that people say that absolutely astounds me.

Now, clear your head, plan the wedding you want, and have a wonderful life! (PS, don't be worried about late RSVP's, it's simply another indication how etiquette has flown by the wayside........we had to follow up on about 6 of them, and only sent about 40 invitations)

adriram14

I am going through a similar situation. It helped so much to read all of the post. I feel that people judge me and that hurts me. I am trying my hardest to ignore it because my FI is the best thing that has ever happened to me. There is a problem though I married through the Catholic Church and as some of you may know I need to get an annulment. My FI's mom is very religious and so I am afraid that if I can't get an annulment that our relationship will suffer because she might not approve of me anymore. It bothers me that she expects him to get married by the church because she got married by the church and she ended up divorcing civilly because she can't stand get husband! How is that Catholic!? Sorry to rant on and on just needed to get some venting done. To anyone going through this remember that in the end it's just you and your FI and you guys are all that matters :

reppunzel

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this, but I thank you for your post, because I'm wrestling with similar issues.  This is my first marriage and FI's second, and I just ache for him at some of the things that have been said and done ... and struggle with feeling as though I'm causing it to some extent (I had nothing to do with the divorce, but obviously have quite a bit to do with him remarrying, which seems to be the part that is causing waddage of undergarments).  So it's been very encouraging for me to read the responses to your posts. 

Congratulations and best wishes to you and your FI in your marriage!  You are not being overly sensitive, but let the hurt process and go on toward the joy before you, and enjoy your day with those who love and support you!  If you wind up with significantly fewer guests than you expected, can you upgrade your menu or something to really treat yourselves and those who do come?  Just a thought ...

mrsgarofalo

Gosh, tears actually sprang to my eyes reading what happened to you!

Shame on whoever that was. Honestly.

I do not know if it is any consolation, but I am sure most of us can relate in wondering if our new marriage is accepted by the masses. But at the end of the day, you don't need everyone's acceptance. You just need a strong relationship with your future husband.

I hope and pray you can put these thoughts out of your mind and focus on the wonderful road ahead of you.

Screw 'em, I say!