I just need to vent a little...

SweetestofMuses

So, let's start with FIs mom...when we told her we were engaged, she told us she had some concerns. Not, "oh congrats, I'm happy if you're happy" nope. January 2nd, she told FI she basically didn't like me and the easiest way for her to feel better was for me to go away.

I'm now 100 miles away from FI and he's working 3 jobs...and she's still not happy. Though she acts differently now b/c...well she has her man back. augh. He's her youngest...he's also 28. Nothing he does is good enough for her...and I'm the root of all his problems.

Now to my family. My younger sister is engaged to a total JERK...but she wants to get married in June...GREAT! So, any time I say anything about a wedding, she automatically tells me she's too busy planning her own...

My older step sister is getting married in May *they're already legally married, this is just the ceremony* My dad and her mom are together...and she happens to be the person I'm staying with right now...I love her...but it's all about her and her baby on the way. We had planned to go dress shopping together...she found what she wanted to wear...and her mom said, "oh, we don't have to go dress shopping now" So, I guess I'm going by myself b/c anyone that would be in my bridal party is down in LA...

We're paying for our entire wedding and we're probably going to move the date again b/c there's no way we're going to be able to save money now and planning is at a stand still.

Having said all that, I submitted an application for a show that will do your whole wedding for you...when I told her, she said, "oh! we should do that! We totally could use someone else paying for it" They live well and are more than capable of paying for their own wedding.

I don't want to thunder jack anyone...I just don't have any thunder of my own right now. I don't feel like an engaged bride at all...unless I'm on the phone with FI...he says we deserve our own thunder...and makes me feel so special and loved. I just want to be married to him and past all this already.

I haven't seen him in 2 weeks...and my sister and brother in law basically make out  every time they're within 5 feet of each other. I'm not asking them to stop being affectionate...but when she basically rubs it in my face that she's going to go upstairs to "snuggle and cuddle w/her man" and then says "oh, not to rub it in your face at all..." I can't help but get mad.

My Grandmother told me that I didn't need a big wedding and should just go to the court house because I'd been married and had mine before...FI hasn't been. It's his first and only wedding...but she said that didn't matter. This was when I was talking about possibly going to a camp that means a lot to FI and I. She said people wouldn't want to drive there (it's an hour from their home and it's a full service camp) I told her the peopel that wanted to be there with us on our day would be...she said "well you don't have to have a big wedding or reception, you've already had one." It hurt so much.

My family says they're happy that we're engaged and excited about us being married...which is more than I can say for his family.  Our friends are excited...and we're excited...

I just want someone to be happy for me...someone to want to talk to me about wedding stuff...someone to go dress shopping with...and I feel like I don't have any of that.

K.../rant and vent. Thank you.

handfast4me

Yikes.  Hopefully you feel a little better.  First, I gotta say that the Older Step sister throwing a pretty pretty princess day when she's already married is beyond words for me.  Unless her DH, or other family member was deployed in the military, or a few other circumstances, this behavior drives me nuts.  And ceremony only? What?  That makes no sense to me. 

Ok, now to the other parts.  This is going to be bad news.  But here goes anyway. No one is going to be as excited for you about geting married as you are.  And it seems as if your family has a lot going on all at the same time.  It also sounds like they're happy for you, though. 

Do you have a good friend that can go shopping with you?  And who can get excited with you?  That would be my only suggestion.  Other than that, those of us on this board would love to hear the details here on this board, we'll be looking forward to them!

Sue-n-Kevin

Handfast4me gave you great advice. There is a lot going on in your family right now.

R-E-L-A-X. Compartmentalize your life. Your wedding ideas and plans can be shared with hopefully a good friend who has less on their plate, and your fiance. Smile and nod happily for everyone else's good news. You can be the bigger person with your family, and just be nice, sweet, and let it roll off your back. This is part of growing up and realizing your place in life.

No one else will be as excited as you and your fiance are. Family troubles happen to a lot of people. Trying to compete by trumpeting your feelings and your great news to everyone else just becomes more noise in the room. When my fiance and I are faced with problems and troubles (our kids, not the adults), we just say how happy we will be to spend the rest of our lives together, making plans for trips, etc etc. Live in your own private dreams, and let the rest wash over you.

I know it's easier said than done sometimes. But you have to try.

Good luck.

right1thistime

If you are living in someone's home- you pretty much put up with how they behave in their own home.  How soon will you be moving out? 

Handfast is right, no one is as excited about your wedding (first or twenty first) as you are.  Share here with us.

Stop telling people what you are doing, if you don't want them to use your ideas.  And whether they live comfortably or not, its a contest, and (I would think) anyone can enter.  Who wouldn't try to win some of their wedding expenses being paid- unless the strings attached are more than you can put up with?

Have your wedding where it makes most sense to the two of you.  If they don't come, "sorry, we will miss you."  By the nature of their existence- grandmothers of women old enough to get married tend to have old-fashioned ideas.  Thank her, if you must reply say, "we'll take that into consideration." and do whatever makes you happy.  She'll get over it.  And she'll have a "scandal" to talk to her biddy friends with, to boot.  Doing what is right for the two of you is what will make you feel satisfed in the long run.  ~Donna

SweetestofMuses

Ladies...first thanks for the advice...

but I wasn't just throwing a tantrum. I understand that no one else will be as excited, I don't expect them to be...but some semblance of nice would be a good change.

it's not that I'm a spoiled brat and don't know my place in life...it's being in an extremely stressful situation with NO ONE to talk to about it and no way to get a reprieve. I smile and nod and walk away when my step sister and brother in law start up b/c I know that's the adult thing to do...doesn't mean it doesn't hurt a bit and become something I want to vent about.

Really that's all that post was, is a vent. I don't have any close friends up here. I am happy for my sister and happy for their new baby. It's not that I'm not happy for them...I'm exstatic...it's just a little hard to feel like I deserve any tim to plan b/c everyone else has so much going on already who am I to want to plan or bring any of my happiness up...b/c everyone elses' is so much more important. Thos are the feelings I'm struggling with...

I just needed a little steam release...that's all

Thanks ladies...I'll try to post more details.

SweetestofMuses

plese don't take my response as rude...just trying to clarify. Again thank you for listening and giving advice...I really appreciate it!

handfast4me

It is so hard to project tone of voice on message boards.  Like you, I think we were all (at least I was, and I know RIght1  IRL, she's always very kind and caring) trying to support you.  Truly, it's good to vent here, and we'll be excited to hear about your details.  You have no idea how many times I came on this board venting when I was planning my beach wedding two years ago.  Lots of the ladies remember my big ole' jewelry issue.  It seems funny now, but dang, it seemed like the end of the world at the time.  It may have been that with everything else going on, and roadblocks presenting themselves at every turn, I felt overwhlelmed.  But again, we're here for you. 

Sue-n-Kevin

I also hope what I said did not come across as rude. Handfast4me is right. We are here for you. I feel sorry that you have no one to talk to about your excitement.

Vent anytime.