Why am I doing this??

Emmiew

I love my FI...he loves me.  There are so many complications in day to day life with three teenagers, jobs, pets, exes...and just everything....and we've been under stress lately.  We came to the decision to marry a year and half ago...and it's happening in 35 days.

I'm suddenly positively NAUSEOUS about the whole thing.  I saw Halloween decorations today, and nearly vomited thinking that we'll be married and the wedding will be over by then.  I don't understand what's happening...we've been together 6 1/2 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. 

But I've suddenly gotten very, very fearful.  And I don't know what to do about it. I kind of feel like running away, to be honest. 

2dBride

I would also suggest that if this anxiety keeps up, you speak to your doctor about some short-term medicinal assistance.  If the anxiety is not about whether you want to be with him, but just about the wedding itself, then it is at least time-limited.  There are medications that can keep the anxiety level down for that period, and let you enjoy your own wedding.

Sue-n-Kevin

Nearly everyone here is juggling some of the stuff you are juggling. AND planning some sort of wedding. It's not unusual to want to run away, LOL. I'm sure I'll feel even more like that when I'm closer to my wedding.

In addition to the posts above, I'd recommend talking to your fiance. He may have fears as well, not about marrying YOU, but about all the life changes you may be experiencing. You've known him for 6 1/2 years, so I'm sure you can find the words to express your fears about the wedding, without scaring him.

Good luck.

arv266

I am still 83 days out and I have had my moments of WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING????????  It is normal.  The stress of wedding planning added to every day life can really bring you down, and the hard part is that since we are planning for a happy occasion, we think that the planning should be allll fun.  But its not.  Do not equate the stress of the planning with negativity on the marriage. 

I understand your fears.  I have gone through them as well.  The doubts creep up -- am I making the right choice... will this be my happily ever after... am I making a mistake?  There is one thing to live with a man, accept him into your life and live it.  Its a whole different ball game when you stand in front of your children and promise to be with each other through thick and thin for the rest of your life.

I love the idea of chocolate, massages and margartas.  My personal favorite are bubble baths, red wine and chocolates.  If you are feeling stressed and feel the need to run away, but all means DO it.  Go get a mani or pedi.  Treat yourself to a nice lunch.  Or buy a new book.  Or do what ever it is that you find special.   Make time for yourself.  And then go back.  I call this "centering" myself and it always works.  Not only do I get the chance for a little pampering, but I get to miss my FI for that brief time, and it helps me remember all the reasons we are together.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!  We all feel for you and have gone through this too!

MikesAngie

Emmie, the pp's have some great ideas about how to handle the anxiety you're feeling.

My anxiety before we got engaged was moving almost 1000 miles to live with my FI after being in a LDR for four months.  Granted I have known my FI since I was 15, but I hadn't ever moved anywhere for a man before I moved in with my FI.  I had lots of little panic attacks while packing and sorting out what little I had to move (way long story), but interestingly enough before I would spiral into a deeper anxiety my FI would call and we would talk about the seriousness of the move and how I was feeling about it. 

Chocolate, red wine or a dark beer and talking with my then roommate also helped.  And taking breaks from packing, by hanging out with my roommate (girl friend and bridesmaid), or taking myself out for dinner or a mani-pedi.

Remember to make time for you, with teenagers and pets it's tough but try to do that any way.

mrspat7

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has had moments like this!! I think it's harder the second time around....

Emmiew

Thank you all sooooo much!!!  As always, validation and knowing I'm not alone are what get me through.

We had a long talk this a.m. and what I realized I need, more than any vows to love me to death do we part, is the commitment to working on the issues...not that there won't be any issues, but that we promise to acknowledge them and work together towards finding a solution.  THAT'S what I'm talkin about.....:-)

Love you guys!!!! 

arv266

And please holler and share the fun stuff as well!  We all love to ohhhh and ahhhhh over dresses and whatnot! 

LesPaul

Also - read the 'Its Normal" thread below. 

AdelphiTN

Ha - i had the EXACT same response when my football tickets arrived in the mail. OMG I'll be married by then. RUN!

Many of us have been bitten, and are twice shy. I'm unsure of MANY things in life... but the one thing i am sure of is my FI. I try to keep my focus on that... i picture us being old together, at some exotic place, having the early bird senior special, lol.

[Deleted User]

totally love your "cure."