hi everyone

ajp1975

I am new to this board. I am getting married in six months. I got married when I was 18 at the court house. I did not have a wedding. We stayed married for 8 years, had one son, and got a divorce. He remarried and had a wedding and was married for 7 years and then got a divorce. Somehow he and I began speaking to each other again. His ex-wife was jealous and wouldn't allow him to talk to me even about our son. We have found they we have both grown up a lot in the last eight years and we never stopped loving each other. This will be my second marriage and his third. I want to have a wedding. I can't afford to go very elaborate, but I want to get married in a church, I want a beautiful dress, bridesmaids, etc. I'm not sure if it is right though. Since I was already married to him before. And I am not sure how much is too much. Plus if I get a dress, is white even appropiate? I have been looking at dresses and the majority I have seen are white. I am sort of lost on what all I need to do. Our families are all for us remarrying, but only part of them think we should have a wedding. So I'm not going to get much help from them. Any advise would be great.

MikesAngie

Congratulations and welcome!  You have come to the right place to get answers, although your situation is slightly different than most on this board.  I don't believe that white would be inappropriate in your situation and having the wedding that you want (and can afford) is certainly not inappropriate.

squarepeg72

Welcome ... These days the color of the dress is what ever you want it to be. Have the ceremony you want and make it fit your budget.

Have fun planning and enjoy!

Congratulations!

handfast4me

Uh, not to rain on your parade, but just so you don't make this mistake again, you actually DID have a wedding the first time around.  If you had to get a legal divorce, you had a wedding. You just didn't have the big hoopla reception, nor a lot of people witnessing it. 

It's offensive to those of us who chose to have an intimate, private wedding with just the officiant and the couple when one speaks of "not having a wedding."

mybooboos

Congratulations and welcome to the board!

It doesn't matter if it's your first or 8th wedding, you can wear white, have Bridesmaids, a cake, flowers and register for gifts.  Have the wedding that you want, that is what you and your FI can afford, while being gracious hosts to your guests.

Happy Planning!

Lisa50

Congratulations and welcome to the board!  I am a big advocate of keeping the budget under control.  As a parent, you already know trade-offs are the stuff life is made of. 

You have a lot to consider ... Will you be more married if you do the deed in a bridal gown vs. a nice dress/suit that you already own?  No.  Will you be less married if you have 20 family and friends witness the event than if you have 100 there?  No. 

You will be no more or less married if you have a church ceremony officiated by a preacher than if you have a civil ceremony presided over by a judge in a courthouse.  Both are weddings and both yield the same result, a married couple.

It seems you may be putting too much pressure on yourself to meet an expectation that could be tough to attain.  You asked for advice.  I advise you give yourself some slack (don't worry about what friends and family think) and have extended conversations with your FI about how he'd like things to go the second time around the two of you start your married life.

Best of luck!!

ichellemay1

Congrats and Welcome!  Good luck and have fun planning!

Sue-n-Kevin

 I advise you give yourself some slack (don't worry about what friends and family think) and have extended conversations with your FI about how he'd like things to go the second time around the two of you start your married life.

What Lisa said above is perfect. You are more mature this time around, and understand about keeping things in perspective both financially and emotionally. Talk to your fiance and see what you both think is best.

Everyone here is having different types of weddings, whether small or large, JOP or a chapel/church. Some wear white, some other colors. It's all what you both want, not family & friends. If they are happy for you as you say they are, then whatever you decide is going to be fine.

Welcome, and good luck.

thealphabride

I know what you mean about "not having a wedding" . Although you were married in the courthouse, you didn't have guests or a wedding reception.

No one ever means to "insult or offend" anyone by making that statement, it is made innocently, and we get what you were saying.  

That being said, have the wedding of your dreams that you can afford. People usually come around in the end.

Myfamily and friends were raising eyebrows at first too, that we wanted to have a very nice wedding it being the second time around for us.
 
I just ignored them, because they all had their weddings and I was in all of them. I got married in the courthouse the first time and It was my turn to have my wedding (edited to say: with guests and reception@handfast) and everyone was happy in the end.

Congrats and happy planning!

ajp1975

Thank you to everyone for the advise. Wasn't really myself when I posted. I think I momentarily lost my mind. I will have the wedding of my dreams, within my budget of course. Did not mean to offend anyone, truly didn't think because I know it is a wedding no matter the size of the guest list. I have spoken with my main family members and they are supporting me on having a larger wedding this time around. My sister is also my maid of honor and she is really trying to help with everything. She has definitely helped lessen my stress levels. I am actually really excited and enjoying the planning. My fiance and I are deciding on things together and that is great. Best wishes to everyone.