Name Change

vmmom

What are other second time brides doing about a name change?  On the one hand, I want to take my FI's last name.  On the other, I have been in my career for nearly 20 years and have established a name.  Plus I have my youngest child still in high school and want to consider keeping my name the same as hers.  On the other hand, it is my ex-husband's name.  My fiance' will support me either way.

Thoughts?

kimp67

What about hyphening your name.  That might solve the professional & daughter concern?  I've had my ex's name for over half my life but I'm definately taking my FI's name

LesPaul

I kept the ex-H's name when I divorced so it would be the same as my DDs.  But they're older now, so I went with First Maiden Newmarried name and dropped the ex's name.  It's fine - my girls understand and they're fine with it.  If you don't want to hyphenate, maybe use First Formermarried Newmarried.

SueR13

I'm changing my name. We've been dating nearly 14 years so I hope my kids (in college and older) can deal.

There's a chance it won't be changed professionally for a bit, due to needing to get new certifications based on my current certifications. But eventually I hope to change that as well.

Sloane99

I changed mine, but I had no children to consider. If your youngest is in high school can you ask how she or your other children feel about no longer sharing a last name? I think this is more upsetting for children that wouldn't have a choice in the matter or feel disconnected from Mom's new family but with the ages of your kids they may not have a preference and then you can make the choice that works for you. If it would upset them, then I would agree with PP and hyphenate or keep your current name.

melissamc2

My children realize that I believe marriage = taking the same last name as my new husband.  They are fine with it.  I believe that anyone who has known me, or anything I've accomplished, can make the mental transition without issue.

There are so many views on the name change debate, though, that you need to do what is right for you.  I feel that having the same last name shows we are a united front, even when we're not side by side.  I'd also feel like a total skeeze if I had been willing to take my previous husbands' last names and not my current one, you know?

thealphabride

I did think very carefully about all of the issues surrounding the name and I came to this conclusion after very careful thought.

I kept my ex's last name for the sake of my son who was 2 when we divorced.
I have dated FI for 6 years and my son is now 14.

I am changing my name to new husband's because my son is fine with it.
I've had ex's name for 15 years, and can't wait to chuck it.

mswood1977

You could always continue to use your ex's name professionally but still change to use your new husbands name socially (and legally).

hanemaayer

My children at13, 14, 14, and 19   my future step children at 7, 8, 10  We are considering as a family all changing our names to my new husband's name. My natural children are old enough to make this decision and I respect their input.  

SueR13

I've definitely enjoyed having my ex-husband's name for the past 29 years - because it's a great name. But I'm ready to move on.

When we got divorced, he wanted me to change my name back to my maiden name. I challeneged him and said I would if he paid me "x" amount of dollars. I wanted to see how important it was to him that I changed it. He didn't pay... but I'm sure he'll be doing a happy dance next Friday knowing that I won't be sullying his family name for that much longer.

2dBride

I never changed my name with either my first marriage (back in 1977) or my second (in 2009).  There were some professional reasons for that, but the main reason was that I didn't see why I should change my name if he was not changing his.  My children don't have the same last name as me.  However, they have a lot of other relatives (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins) who don't have the same last name, either, so it's never been a big deal.

I think this is a very personal decision.  You may want to talk to your children about this, but ultimately, you can do what you want.

Leslyblanc

I was married in other country and after my husband died when I came to live here I never cared to change my Dad's American/English last name in my papers here. Too much work and still, because I am the only child, I'd like to carry on dad's name.

 I have three kids, two grown up with their dad's name - my first husband - and my youngest one with his dad's name. So I am the only one still carrying my dad's name and quite frankly, would not like to change, but I know that this is very important for him, and just because that, I will hyphenate

tigerlily1980

I'm in the same boat. I kept my ex husband's name after we divorced so I would have the same name as my kid. I had a talk with my son about not keeping my ex-married name when I got remarried and he welled up with tears and said it was fine. So obviously, I hyphenated it. I'm known professionally by ex-married name anyway, so it works out alright. 

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who kept my ex-husband's name after I got remarried.

MikesAngie

Name changes are a pain in the butt, but after my divorce I took my maiden name back for so many reasons. 

When my FI  and I started talking about it he was totally okay with me keeping my last name, and even talked about changing his last name to mine (except he has a daughter).  I decided that I would change my name to his last name when we marry but keep my maiden name professionally.  This also helps his daughter have more of a connection with me.  She had ask that I think about taking her dad's name so that we would all have the same last name.

I don't have children and cats don't care what their last name is.

crimsonchik

well, i dont have kids, but. ..

(i just wrote this on the october 2010 board)
ive been married before, and i did give my name up for his.  and when i got mine back it was a huge relief, like losing your favorite jeans and finding them again and they just FIT.

my beloved is puerto rican, so he has two last names.  its common on the island for the girl to keep hers but appropritate his. .. 
it isnt a feminist thing or rebelling or whatever, she will answer to both hers and his, but in social situations she would likely go by his.
i will answer to mrs latino fancyaccentedspanishname, but am not going to be changing my uniform nametags or military file to that.

my beloved says he doesnt care, since that is what he is used to anyway.  his only concern was when the kids come, and i already settled that it wont be an argument for them to have his last.  (though he rather LOATHES the idea of one of them having my last name as a first or middle.  how fair is that?!)

(plus, i make a much better europeanamericanname than fancyaccentedspanishname.  i am so WHITE, and my name suits me.)
(a rose by any other name would be just as sweet, but doesnt the color 'rosa' sound prettier than 'pink'?)

dwest2201

I went back to my maiden name after the dissolution after weighing the pro's and con's of keeping my ex's name.  The idea of having the same name as my son who was 1 when we seperated 2 when everything was finalized seemed nice, but the idea of keeping his name didn't sit well with me.  I knew that I was young and the possibility of me remarrying was high so even keeping his name wouldn't keep me from having a different name than my son at some point as I didn't think that any future husband would be okay with me keeping my exH's name. 

As much as a pain as changing my name multiple times has been I'm glad that I did it and I will be gladly taking FI's name once we are married.  I have joked with him about taking my last name since I am the last person in my family with it... but I'm not serious at all, I am very much looking forward to becoming Mrs. FI's last name.

flyjawn

i didn't change my name - my kids have my my ex's last name and it doesn't bother me at all.

i won't be changing my name when i re-marry.  i just can't imagine it.  

wwnbw

why would anyone want to keep thier ex's name? i changed mine back as soon as i could! i will take FI's last name here next month.

my mother and my dad divorced when i was 1 and now i'm 23....she STILL has his last name and i hate HATE hate it. he could care less as they NEVER speak but i just think it is odd.

caja04

I'm not going to change my name.  I thought about it, but:

I didn't change my name with my first marriage-- I still have my maiden name, and I have two young children (4 and 8) who have their dad's last name.  I liked the idea of taking my new husband's last name so that we would share the last name of any kids we have and be unified as a family in that way, but then my girls would be left out.  So I'm just going to keep my name and stay neutral.