Who pays for the shower???

kelirussell

Hi Ladies!
I'm a MOH in a wedding next August. My friend's mother is horribly broke and I'm not far off either as I am still in grad school.  My question is, who pays for the shower? Is this my responsibility or the MOB? I've heard different answers from different people.  OF COURSE I want to help as much as possible but I don't want the cost of the shower and bachelorette on my shoulders.
thanks!

MairePoppy

The responsibility of a shower falls on no one in particular. Anyone may volunteer. A shower is not a necessity. The MOH/BMsare not obligated to host one. Don't be pressured into throwing a party that you can't afford.

If you do want to organize a shower with the other BMs, keep it small and simple. Find a free place to hold the shower, such as someone's home - maybe MOB can help out with that. Ask each BM to bring  something for the table. Pick a theme such as a wine and cheese party (each BM brings a bottle of wine and her favorite cheese, a dessert shower with punch and coffee, or an ice cream social. Schedule it after lunch or dinner.

As for the BP, I thought it was customary for each guest to pay their own way and chip in to cover the bride's expenses. And once again, anyone who wants, can organize that.

gananoque

Typically, actually, the MOB should NOT host a shower. It is considered poor etiquette since it's a gift-giving event. The responsibility does not, however, always fall to the MOH. Oftentimes an aunt or other female relative will offer to host. So you can always cross your fingers that such an offer will come along.

If this doesn't happen in the coming months, it would be the right thing to do, as your friend's besty, to step up and offer to host. Of course you can share this responsibility with the rest of the BMs and other friends and relatives.

And like the pp said, it need not be a splashy event. A private home is best and most cost effective. Also the simplest and most personal. Keep costs down by avoiding meal time (don't do dinner or brunch or lunch, for example). Serve an afternoon tea. This will disobligate you from even having to serve booze if that breaks the budget (although one glass each of something bubbly is always nice and shouldn't break the bank).

As for the BP, totally true that this doesn't have to cost you a great deal. It is super common for friends to go for dinner and drinks and each pay their own way when it comes to this kind of event. If you "host" this, your responsibilities will really just be in terms of organization, not financial commitment.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pays-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0202e149-43bc-4585-ac87-95e7c8d3df46Post:57ebf449-7e01-46ba-883c-c4c66032ae79">Re: Who pays for the shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Typically, actually, the MOB should NOT host a shower. It is considered poor etiquette since it's a gift-giving event. </strong>The responsibility does not, however, always fall to the MOH. Oftentimes an aunt or other female relative will offer to host. So you can always cross your fingers that such an offer will come along.
Posted by gananoque[/QUOTE]


I think this is a regional thing. It's acceptable in my circle for the MOB and/or MOG to host or cohost showers. No one expects the BMs to foot the bill, although they often help with hosting duties, such as making the guests comfortable or helping with the set up or clean up.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pays-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0202e149-43bc-4585-ac87-95e7c8d3df46Post:42e8555f-3587-4f9e-a6bb-06c76255d140">Re: Who pays for the shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who pays for the shower??? : I think this is a regional thing. It's acceptable in my circle for the MOB and/or MOG to host or cohost showers. No one expects the BMs to foot the bill, although they often help with hosting duties, such as making the guests comfortable or helping with the set up or clean up.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

It is also widely acceptable for MOBs/MOGs to host showers in my circle.

Duckie731

My mom paid for my sister's shower (I was maid of honor, she will be my maid of honor) with the mother of the groom.  My mom will be paying for my shower as well, my fiance's parents live 7 hours away and he has very little family, so the shower will only be for my side of the family.

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pays-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0202e149-43bc-4585-ac87-95e7c8d3df46Post:d12a40c9-3d16-4224-8789-00610ba3edc9">Re: Who pays for the shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>The no-family-hosted showers rule is still in effect in my area, too. </strong>Don't break the bank. Select a small number of guests - doesn't have to be every female wedding guest.  Get a cake from the grocery store, some sherbet and ginger ale for "slush" punch,  maybe some nuts and mints - viola! Instant shower.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Same here. Maybe it's a Southern thang? The exception is sisters/aunts/cousins who are MOHs or BMs. I guess the mom being the MOB and MOH would also be an exception, but I have never heard of a MOB being a MOH. Also, it's ok for the families to help out, but they just shouldn't be <em>the</em> "hosts."</div>