Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Moms and Maids
Moms and Maids
New Discussion
Options

HORRIBLE MOH, DO I FIRE HER??

BECKJMBECKJM member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids

I rushed into choosing my bridal party, which was a HUGE mistake, and ended up choosing a horrible MOH. She is honestly terrible. Late to everything, doesnt care about any of my opions, wont talk to any of my BM, especially about bachlorette planning details. (and i have talked to her about it, nothings changed) My question, is it okay to give her the boot?! I have a BM that is totally the one I should have chose in the first place. I know it would hurt the current moh feelings, but shes driving me crazy!!! any one else had to do this? help. thank you!!

Report Reply to Post

Re: HORRIBLE MOH, DO I FIRE HER??

  • Options
    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_horrible-moh-fire-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:02bd3072-6b0a-4c48-a76a-073b750ff98fPost:a1b0d132-9832-4275-ba4b-b402fd450326">HORRIBLE MOH, DO I FIRE HER??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I rushed into choosing my bridal party, which was a HUGE mistake, and ended up choosing a horrible MOH. She is honestly terrible. Late to everything, doesnt care about any of my opions, wont talk to any of my BM, especially about bachlorette planning details. (and i have talked to her about it, nothings changed) My question, is it okay to give her the boot?! I have a BM that is totally the one I should have chose in the first place. I know it would hurt the current moh feelings, but shes driving me crazy!!! any one else had to do this? help. thank you!!
    Posted by BECKJM[/QUOTE]

    To answer the question in the title of your post:  No.  You made a decision and you live with the consequences of your decision. 

    Your wedding isn't for 8 months.  What does your MOH have to do NOW!!!!!!!! that's so important anyway?  The role of a member of the WP, including the MOH begins and ends at the ceremony.

    She doesn't have to help your plan and/or execute your wedding.  She doesn't have to come to your appointments with you.  She doesn't even have to plan, throw, or attend pre-wedding parties.  So in terms of your wedding, she's done nothing to warrant being rudely and publicly slapped around, which is what booting her out really is.

    How about you spend the coming months working to improve the friendship instead of worrying about how it **might** impact a  party?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
    Report Reply
  • Options
    nannewmurnannewmur member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    No, you can't fire her.  You can only fire her if you are paying.  MOH is a volunteer position and by you asking her to step down makes you look horrible.  Accept her tardiness, opinions, etc and plan accordingly.  By the way, NO ONE has to throw you a bachlorette party and you should have  NOTHING to do with it other than when asked, marking it on your calendar, attending and being gracious someone did this for you.  I hope you are not coming accross this way IRL because it is bridezilla'sh and you will not have a pleasant wedding experience.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your wedding isn't until the end of June.  What the heck does she need to do now?  

    Listen to Trix, she gives excellent advice.
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_horrible-moh-fire-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:02bd3072-6b0a-4c48-a76a-073b750ff98fPost:a1b0d132-9832-4275-ba4b-b402fd450326">HORRIBLE MOH, DO I FIRE HER??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I rushed into choosing my bridal party, which was a HUGE mistake, and ended up choosing a horrible MOH. She is honestly terrible. Late to everything, doesnt care about any of my opions, wont talk to any of my BM, especially about bachlorette planning details. (and i have talked to her about it, nothings changed) My question, is it okay to give her the boot?! I have a BM that is totally the one I should have chose in the first place<em><strong><u>. I know it would hurt the current moh feelings</u></strong></em>, but shes driving me crazy!!! any one else had to do this? help. thank you!!
    Posted by BECKJM[/QUOTE]

    <div>So you think its alright to hurt her feeling? That doesn't sound like a good friend to me, to purposely hurt ones feelings.</div><div>
    </div><div>And to respond, no, it is NEVER alright to kick someone out just because she isn't interested in your wedding. She does not have to help or plan anything. </div>
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Xtine22Xtine22 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My MOH did nothing (besides stand up in said dress) for the wedding but you know what I got married to my best friend so mission accomplished.
    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPic width=220>
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    "Horrible" would be attempting to sleep with your FI or purposefully setting you on fire.  The behavior you have described isn't even close to horrible.  More along the lines of "normal human being".

    Repeat after me: "No one will ever be as excited about my wedding as I am, and that's okay."  Repeat it as many times as necessary until you understand and accept it.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
    Report Reply
  • Options
    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Nope, you can't fire her.  BTW, she's done absolutely nothing wrong.  You need to settle down and lower your expectations.  Read the previous posts again, and again, and again.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jenmitensjenmitens member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    No, you cant fire her.  Well you can, but are you wiling to completely ruin the friendship?  You obviously thought highly enough of her to ask her in the first place.  What's changed?
    I'm speaking from experience, I was fired from my best friends wedding.  I was the MOH. I apparently wasnt invested enough either.  Your MOH might be planning stuff for you that she wants to keep secret.  You really need to prepare yourself for never speaking to her again if you decide to go through with it.  Which I strongly advise against!  I still havent gotten over the hurt feelings.  And we still dont talk.  You really need to just live with your decision. 

    Report Reply
  • Options
    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You really want to kick someone out of your wedding because she's not planning a party for you and isn't paying enough attention to the details of your stupid wedding?

    Are you in third grade?
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    While I feel that some of the comments posted here are quite rude, I do agree with the general sentiment that you can't ask her to step down. While I completely understand that you want to have a great bach party planned, it isn't a requirement of any bridesmaid to do that for the bride-- it is a gift that they can choose to give you. And while a generous MOH would want to go to apts with you, she doesn't have to. The only real requirements in a BM/MOH job description are to show up on time to the wedding wearing the right dress & to walk nicely up the aisle. If you were to kick her out, it would ruin your friendship. Is that something you want to risk?
    Photobucket
    Report Reply
  • Options
    deb84deb84 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your MOH is fine, but YOU sound horrible.  PLEASE listen to the advice above.  At this point there is nothing any of your wedding party NEEDS to do.  All they need to do is order a dress and stand by your side on your wedding day.  That is what a bridesmaid does the only difference for an MOH is that she stands closest to you, traditioanlly she signs the marriage license and holds your boquet and possibly FI ring.  She doesnt' have to WORK ever and therefore you do not get to FIRE her.  Also can you imagine what this would do to your friendship?! Yes, that it correct, it would END IT.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Photobucket
    Report Reply
  • Options
    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You have absolutely NO grounds to boot this girl out of your wedding. What in sam hell does she need to do 8 months out!? Nothing!

    She has a life outside your wedding, and you should too. There ARE more important things to worry about....
    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Money Saving Tips"><img src="http://global.thenest.com/tickers/tt17ce82.aspx" alt="Anniversary" border="0"  /></a>

    White Knot

    Planning Bio-Added FOR SALE page, will be adding more stuff to it soon! 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your MOH's obligation is to show up to your wedding on time, stand by you as you get married, and hold your bouquet.  She has a life outside of your wedding, and isn't obligated to help you out in every single detail of your wedding.

    Work on your friendship with her, take her out to lunch, and talk about something non-wedding related :)

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lalap69lalap69 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You won't find her horrible if you stop having such unrealistic expectations of her.  All she has to do is show up wearing the dress.  Anything beyond that is gravy.  If you fire her, you're ending the friendship.  Is your pretty princess day worth that?
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No you cannot fire her.  There is a reason you chose her in the first place.  Try to remember what that is because that's what's important at the end of the day. 

    If you expect her to do certain things you need to talk to her about them and AGREE on a MUTUAL something.  If she doesn't want to do something well too bad. If she doesn't want to plan your bachelorette party and your BMs do it WHO CARES?  You still get a ''last'' night out having fun with your friends.  That's the whole point. 

    She's not trying to ruin your wedding or make your life a living hell.  Learn to accept that maybe she doesn't want to be as involved as you might want her to. 
    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Soon2BMrsClaySoon2BMrsClay member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In short no, you can not fire her.  You need to settle down and realize the world does not revolve around your wedding.  Your MOH is doing nothing wrong.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards