Moms and Maids

MOB & MOH Issues, please help!

Ok, I guess I really needed some advice. Well my mom is an alcoholic and is always the center of attraction, I had planned on talking to her before the wedding so I can express how she may possibly act at the wedding. Which never happened, She hasn't really shown any interest in my wedding. Earlier in the year at my sisters graduation, she embarrassed me, my dad, and fiance, with skeleton in the closet like stories in front of people we just met. She just has to be the main show. Well she had asked me to make my sister the MOH, which I'm not close to and lives in another state. I agreed. Well after the graduation incident I didn't talk to either if them, I was embarrassed, and didn't feel I needed to make the "I'm sorry" call. I really did nothing. 3 1/2 months after the gradation still nothing from either of them, so I decided to go "just look" at some dresses, well I found one! and a bridesmaid one. So another month passed nothing, my mom called acted like nothing was wrong, and so I told her I got a dress, really no wow came from her. So I decided it my wedding why should I wait around for people I want in my wedding. They obviously don't really want any part. So I made my best friend from high school my MOH, I haven't told my sister yet, but got into a fight with my mom, she said she's not coming to my wedding, yea she told me to take my drama free wedding and shove it up my a**. So I finally told her, that's her choice, I also found a replacement MOH. I really wanted my best friend to be it from the get go. Well now I'm getting aggravated with my MOH, beacuse for 2 months I have been asking her to go look at dresses, and she got to do this and that, now I like damn your my best friend?? I feel like cause I'm too nice, people take advantage of me, and now that I strapping down, everyone is thinking I'm a bitch, please please help. I know it's long and choppy, but I tried to sum it up as best as possible.

Re: MOB & MOH Issues, please help!

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-moh-issues-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:06226212-574e-4886-a3a3-3b7d223d081cPost:65405353-2384-448c-aa4a-4f7acbc07a29">MOB & MOH Issues, please help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, I guess I really needed some advice. Well my mom is an alcoholic and is always the center of attraction, I had planned on talking to her before the wedding so I can express how she may possibly act at the wedding. Which never happened, She hasn't really shown any interest in my wedding. Earlier in the year at my sisters graduation, she embarrassed me, my dad, and fiance, with skeleton in the closet like stories in front of people we just met. She just has to be the main show. Well she had asked me to make my sister the MOH, which I'm not close to and lives in another state. I agreed. Well after the graduation incident I didn't talk to either if them, I was embarrassed, and didn't feel I needed to make the "I'm sorry" call. I really did nothing. 3 1/2 months after the gradation still nothing from either of them, so I decided to go "just look" at some dresses, well I found one! and a bridesmaid one. So another month passed nothing, my mom called acted like nothing was wrong, and so I told her I got a dress, really no wow came from her. So I decided it my wedding why should I wait around for people I want in my wedding. They obviously don't really want any part. So I made my best friend from high school my MOH, I haven't told my sister yet, but got into a fight with my mom, she said she's not coming to my wedding, yea she told me to take my drama free wedding and shove it up my a**. So I finally told her, that's her choice, I also found a replacement MOH. I really wanted my best friend to be it from the get go. Well now I'm getting aggravated with my MOH, beacuse for 2 months I have been asking her to go look at dresses, and she got to do this and that, now I like damn your my best friend?? I feel like cause I'm too nice, people take advantage of me, and now that I strapping down, everyone is thinking I'm a bitch, please please help. I know it's long and choppy, but I tried to sum it up as best as possible.
    Posted by angie7474[/QUOTE]

    Honestly, I think the answers you're looking for have nothing to do with weddings or are even things that most of us can answer with any background of understanding.  I would advise you to contact your local Al-Anon chapter and find a meeting for children of alcoholics.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Did you try to contact your sister at all? Because if not you are just as much to blame as she is. You should not have replaced her. Kicking someone out of your WP makes you look like a bridezilla. But now you've asked your best friend to be your MOH and you can't kick her out. So really all you can do now is make them co-maids of honor or just deal with the fact that you probably destroyed what was left of your relationship with your sister and your mother.

    As for your problems with your best friend just let her pick the dress on her own. As long as she shows up the day of the wedding everything will be fine. People don't call someone a bitch if they are too nice so you might want to step back and try to evaluate the situation more objectively. People's lives don't stop because of your wedding and no one will be as excited about your wedding as you. Your friend might have a lot going on in her life, when was the last time you talked to her without bringing up the wedding?


  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    You were out of line to replace your sister.  Hopefully you didn't announce to her that she'd been replaced.  Congratulations, you now have two MOHs.  If you did tell her, I strongly recommend calling her and telling her you realized what a self-involved fool you've been and asking her to forgive you and stand in your wedding again.



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Also, your wedding is not until September 24, and you've been haranguing your friend to go look at dresses for 2 months.  She still has plenty of time to find a dress.  Have you given either her or your sister some ideas of what you have in mind?  The easiest solution is to pick a color and length and let them pick out what they feel comfortable and beautiful in. 



  • phunluvin82phunluvin82 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    It sounds like you already picked the BM dress you want.  Double check with any and all of your girls (including your sister, if that can still be salvaged) to see if this dress fits into their budget.  You should ask how much they are willing to spend on a dress before choosing something.  If it's at a price they can all agree to, then just ask them to call the store to place the order (stores can usually do this over the phone if the they give them their measurements).  Give them all a date by which they should order the dress so that it will come in on time.  Other than that, you can't really control when people will buy something...they will either do it in time or they won't.  You can only let them know that it is important to you...and then hope that you are important enough to them that they will make the time to take care of it.

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-moh-issues-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:06226212-574e-4886-a3a3-3b7d223d081cPost:6e94271d-6d92-4755-a614-499035025711">Re: MOB & MOH Issues, please help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>You were out of line to replace your sister.  Hopefully you didn't announce to her that she'd been replaced</strong>.  Congratulations, you now have two MOHs.  If you did tell her, I strongly recommend calling her and telling her you realized what a self-involved fool you've been and asking her to forgive you and stand in your wedding again.
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]


    Sorry, OP, but I agree with Vic. You should have tried to contact your sister about the wedding. I would be hurt if I were her. But, you can't do anything about that now, so I would just make her a co-maid of honor.

    ETA:Maybe when your mom suggested that you pick your sister to be your MOH, you shouldn't have accepted if you didn't really as your MOH. You kind of got yourslef stuck between a rock and a hard place. Just remember it's not too late to fix things. Good luck!
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