Moms and Maids

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    In Response to <a href="">FMIL!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiancé and I have been together for almost three years, became engaged in November and are marrying in April 2014. We have always lived very far away from his family so I have actually only met my FMIL in person 5 times. We are complete opposites...she is extremely 'unpolished'...basically very trashy, even though I know that's mean. Back in August the FIL's visited us and things went to complete hell. Basically my FMIL has a drug dependency that her family is obviously ignoring so when she was unable to get someone in our town to sell weed to her she absolutely lost her mind. She treated my fiancé very badly when he refused to find weed for her, said he was a bad son, she didn't love him, etc. then went as far as to ask all of our friends at a dinner one evening if they could find her drugs. At that point I refused to deal with her behavior anymore and my fiancé and I left. She then tried to spin the situation to convince my fiancé and FFIL that the reason she was behaving so erratically was because she thinks I hate her and am taking her son from her. Long story short, we had a complete brawl of a fight...I told her I don't want her in my house and all that cozy stuff. They went home and the relationship between my fiancé and his parents has now become very strained. We had to see her again in November right before our engagement and she wouldn't talk to me and called me by the wrong first name...really? Then last month her and my FSIL came to visit and stuff was even more uncomfortable. His sister asked us if we wanted children and when my fiancé said we weren't sure she told me she would beat the sh$t out of me if I didn't give him children and my FMIL said she would hold me down and artificially inseminate me herself...which is insane. My fiancé was furious so we left. Then at lunches next day we tried again and my FMIL started harassing me about the wedding even though she told my fiancé right after we were engaged that they will not contribute any money. At the lunch she started saying they want to do the rehearsal dinner but I said I did not want to discuss it with her. Now the FIL's have decided to visit us AGAIN next month. I am having major anxiety about the visit and the wedding in general. We already booked our venue and asked our wedding party but all I want to do is elope. I can't imagine having to deal with his family at my just makes me sick to my stomach. Any advice on how to deal with her? I honestly have no interest in discussing anything about my wedding with his parents. I do want to add that my fiancé has always been very supportive of me and is horrified by his mothers behavior. He does, however, want them involved because they are his parents.
    Posted by jgogan1[/QUOTE]
    It sounds like you're doing everything right. Declining their money....check. Fiance having your back....check. Not discussing wedding stuff with them....check. I'm not really sure what else you can do other than to grin and bear it when they visit. Ugh. They sound horrible, and I don't blame you for not wanting to be around them. When they visit this next time, are they staying with you?  I'm not sure I would want your FMIL in my home if drugs might be an issue. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Yikes! I agree with pp...sounds like you're already doing things right
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    Hugs to you.  Seems like you are doing all you can-- just continue to be supportive of your FI and make sure he is the one who deals with his family, not you.  And I sure hope if their antics and mis-treatment towards you continues he really stands up for you and tells them they will not be invited if they continue to act that way.  He can only leave so many times, so if they continually make a scene in your presence, I too would be worried they would do the same at your wedding. Also, when times comes and she is high at your wedding, I would not hesitate to have her removed .  You can't leave your wedding!  So you and FI need to be on the same page that she (they) will be asked to leave if behaving inappropriately.

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    OMG - I know a couple of really good friends who come from trashy families like this and I just look at them and think, "How did you come out of this and be normal?"  They have had to distance family members because of hateful attitudes, drugs, alcohol, etc.

    Couple of questions for your:
    1.  Does your FI want this wedding or does he want to elope?  Do you REALLY want to elope?
    2.You haven't talked about your side of the family.  How will your parents be if you elope?

    You know, I'm a 3 time MOB and as devastated as I would be not to see one of my girls get married, I would give it up if it meant she had to face something like what your FIL's pull.

    What has FI said about all of this?
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    Has he mentioned WHY he thinks his family will behave when they have treated you so horribly?  If someone in my family threatened to hold my spouse down and force them to have a child with me the way your FSIL and FMIL did those people wouldn't be coming my FI again until they had apologized profusely.
    What is your FI's breaking point here when it comes to how his family treats you ?  What is your breaking point?  You don't have to put up with this.
    I realize your FI has gotten mad at them, and distanced himself, but they don't seem to be getting any better here.  What are his plans if things continue as they are?  Has he thought that far in advance or do you think he is hoping against hope these people might crawl out from their rock and treat you decently?

    I don't think I could be planning a wedding that included these people unless I could see a concerted effort on their part to straighten up and fly somewhat right.

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    you have it worse than me, I didn't think that possible...holy crap.

    Do not allow her to treat you like this. FI needs to talk to his parents about being respectful to you both and tell them what the consequences will be. It may end up that you stop being part of their lives.

    My great grandmother was nasty to my grandmother. My grandmother knew she couldn't break the relationship between her MIL and my grandfather, she she removed herself from the equation and didn't participate when her MIL was involved. It was sad.

    I wish you the best in strength figuring this out.

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    Even if you decide to have children, if your FMIL and FSIL behaves like this and have drug issues, don't let your children around them. They are not a good influence.

    Do they have to visit you in your home especially when they treat you so poorly? Can't your FI visit them instead? No one should treat you like this, especially in your own home, and your FI needs to tell them this.
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    I actually don't think your fiance has done nearly enough to deal with his family.  He should have been the one to tell them they aren't welcome in your home as long as drugs are involved.  When your FMIL and FSIL threatened you with violence over your reproductive decisions, he should not have agreed that the two of you would meet them for lunch the next day.  I'm honestly appalled that he has agreed to let them visit again and that he not only wants them to be at the wedding, but for some reason expects them not to be terrible people.  It sounds like he gets angry with them, but there are no real consequences for any of them.

    I think he needs some pretty serious therapy to learn how to set and maintain boundaries with his family, and that you shouldn't even think about marrying him unless there are some big changes.
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    why do people remove the initial post when it's copied in the threads anyway?
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    Personally I would simply tell her it doesn't really matter if you have kids together or not since you have no intent on letting said children be around drug users and other mentally stale individuals that may pose harm to them.
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