MOH Remorse??

kstirton

So, I made a rash decision and chose my MOH to be someone who I think was much more interested in the title then being my best friend. This is a girl I've known since I was in 8th grade, and whom I've considered a good friend since then. However - I've come to some harsh realizations with a few things, especially after asking her to be MOH about a month ago. 

It's a big no-no to change this decision isn't it? I guess my DF has had some say in this in that he just doesn't really understand why I chose to ask her. He's pointed out a few things that were hard for me to come to terms with. Such as, I was in her wedding as a guest book attendant, how the most I had heard from her was when I used to do her hair for free, and that she wants me to come over when it seems she has something to paint, or needs help moving her furniture around. I guess in the beginning I asked her b/c I knew that she'd be great at planning, and would be able to give me a bridal shower and bachelorette party that I'd be proud of. However ... now with her newly developed singledom (after obsessing over her own wedding) and now is seperated a year later ... it seems as if she has all the time in the world to go out with her new fun, partying friends, then she does to get together with me. She hasn't really asked how the planning is going, or how our engagement shoot was, and I've had to initiate a text/phone call since asking. 

Anyone else regretted? I still have 10 months before my wedding too!! Advice??

Viczaesar

You chose her for the wrong reasons (because she's good at planning??), but you're stuck with her now.  Work on the friendship.

MairePoppy

Sure, there are plenty of brides who chose their MOH for the wrong reasons and came to regret it - sometimes for the wrong reason. There are many posts on the Wedding Party board about this subject.

You and your friend have something in common. She calls you when she needs something and you asked her to be your MOH because you needed something from her - a shower and bp that you will be proud of.

Once you ask someone, you are stuck. It would be rude to replace your MOH. If you want to end the friendship, completely, then I suppose being rude and asking her to step down would be the way to do it.

Or, you could work on that friendship. Instead of looking at what you can get from each other, look at what you can give to each other. She's just broken up with her fi, she would probably appreciate some support from you. Call to find out how she's doing and what she has been doing lately. Ask her to do something non wedding related. Who knows? Maybe a real, genuine friendship will develop.

graysquirrel

I totally agree with pps. It sounds to me based on your post that you have been using each other. Your interactions sound like they are based on what each person can get out of the other, not a mutual affection. If you want her to be a better friend, start making steps to work on your relationship instead of hoping to find someone who you think fills your title better.

And if you want a better relationship with her, kicking her out would do the exact opposite. How would you feel if it were you? If someone only chose you because you are a workhorse but now she isn't so sure about you and would rather have someone else? You'd probably be crushed and not want to be friends with the bride any longer. Is that something you want to put her through for a role in a one-day event? 

nboothe86

You're not stuck with her. If you are unhappy with you decision you just need to be honest in a kind caring way.  Just tell her in a polite way that she hasn't seem to interested in the important role you've offered her and that you've became very close with so and so and that you'd like to extend the MOH to someone who has shown alot of interest and someone else who is there to help you. You can even strip away the title MOH in whole and tell each of you attendants that you wan't everyone to fell equal and just as important to each others...After all..a BM is just as important as a MOH.

From a person experience I was asked to be in a wedding and said yes at the time..I started to regret my decision and politely explained to a friend that I wasn't comfortable with it and suggest her to add her sister in place. In the end it all worked out and we are friends to this day.