Moms and Maids

Mother of the Bride question/need advice

Hi all! I am new to the board but have actually been engaged for 2 years now.  Part of what is holding up our wedding is my mother.  She wants me to have a big huge catholic wedding and unfortunately for her it is just not what I want.  I want to have a very small intimate destination wedding.  Every time i try to talk to her about it she just gets mad and we either get into a fight about it or she just changes the subject.  Any advice on how to go about having a calm, adult conversation about this?? Thanks!!

Re: Mother of the Bride question/need advice

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-bride-questionneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0730b080-ee8e-4819-b6da-9c9b6bfee23aPost:cff4f3b9-3ee0-4978-b519-4e2193ae03ca">Mother of the Bride question/need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi all! I am new to the board but have actually been engaged for 2 years now.  Part of what is holding up our wedding is my mother.  She wants me to have a big huge catholic wedding and unfortunately for her it is just not what I want.  I want to have a very small intimate destination wedding.  Every time i try to talk to her about it she just gets mad and we either get into a fight about it or she just changes the subject.  Any advice on how to go about having a calm, adult conversation about this?? Thanks!!
    Posted by gilligan1211[/QUOTE]

    What does your FI want?  You didn't mention that. Are either or both of you practicing Catholics?  You didn't mention that either.

    Being married inthe Catholic church is a sacrament and is not something that can be forced on another person.  Is your mom objecting because she wants the pictures or is she objecting because you will be marrying outside of the faith?

    One more thing...is she paying for this wedding?  I don't understand how she is holding up your wedding.  Again, where is your FI in all of this?

    We really need answers to these questions before we can answer the one that you posted.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Are you marrying your FI or your mom?  Are you an adult? Do you want to be married/ You've let your MOM (and I am a mom, not a bride) hold you your getting married for TWO years?  And your FI went along with this 2 year delay? 

    Is this MUD?
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-bride-questionneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0730b080-ee8e-4819-b6da-9c9b6bfee23aPost:cff4f3b9-3ee0-4978-b519-4e2193ae03ca">Mother of the Bride question/need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi all! I am new to the board but have actually been engaged for 2 years now.  <strong>Part of what is holding up our wedding is my mother</strong>.  She wants me to have a big huge catholic wedding and unfortunately for her it is just not what I want.  I want to have a very small intimate destination wedding.  Every time i try to talk to her about it she just gets mad and we either get into a fight about it or she just changes the subject.  Any advice on how to go about having a calm, adult conversation about this?? Thanks!!
    Posted by gilligan1211[/QUOTE]

    No, what's holding up your wedding is you and your inability to stand on your own two feet and tell mommy you're a grown-ass adult who can make her own decisions.  If you can't do that, put the wedding on hold indefinitely until you mature a little more. Your FI will thank you for it.
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    OK, how about come back and give us some more info on why this is holding up the wedding?

    I married into a Catholic family although DH doesn't practice it any longer.  It is a sacrament so is that what her big issue is?

    There are too many missing pieces here for us to help you.  Is she holding up the wedding because she is paying? 

    If you have allowed her to hold up your marriage for two years, there is a problem here that doesn't start with mom.

    Details please?
  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Argh these types of posts are so hard to answer when there is no info!!! Have your wedding how you want it, pay for it yourself, and there shouldn't be any issues.
  • IlumineIlumine member
    Ninth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Since you have not provided too much information...I will make suggestions from some assumptions.

    1) If she is paying.  So, if your Mom holidng up the wedding because she is paying, then your only solution is to pay for the wedding yourself. 

    2) If this revolves around the catholic sacrament, you have two options.  First, you do what you want (see #1) or, if you are a practicing catholic, you can compromise and have your marriage convalidated afterward...and you can have HER pay for that.

    The reality of it is, marriage requires two mature adults to survive.  If you cannot be that adult before hand, what makes you think you can be that adult once the pretty ceremony is over? 

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