XP: Opening Gifts at a Bridal Shower

elizabethriley

Hi all!  I posted this on the etiquette board yesterday, but I thought maybe you ladies could help as well.

I'm my sister's MOH.  Our aunt is hosting a shower for her next month, and my sister is insistant that she does not want to open gifts at the party.  She was recently thrown a small shower at work, and was embarrassed when she did not know what one of the gifts was and one of her 5th grade students corrected her in front of all the guests.  She is very hesitant to repeat this.

She is also concerned because of the amount of gifts she will likely receive.  We expect about 65 guests, so the gift opening would take a large chunk of time and she will be uncomfortable being directly in the spotlight for so long as she is very shy.

Is there a way for her to avoid this tradition without being rude?  Is there anything my cousins (the other bridesmaids) and I can do to speed up the process or lessen her anxiety about the process?  This is the first wedding being bridesmaids for all of us, and we all want to make sure that my sister remembers her shower as a fun party celebrating her marriage rather than a stress-inducing incident.  However, we also do not want to be rude to the guests.  My mother and aunt are insistant that she open the gifts at the party, but if there is a way to lessen my sisters discomfort while avoiding rudeness, I would really appreciate any suggestions.

Thanks in advance!

Maggie0829

Honestly, I think your sister needs to laugh off the mistake she made at her work shower.  Crap happens and sometimes you embarrass yourself but if you can't laugh at yourself then you need to learn to relax.  I doubt anyone that was at her work shower judged her for her mistake...they probably just laughed along with her.

The point of a shower to "shower the bride" with gifts and such so not opening the gifts would be a bit weird, but if doing so will cause her major anxiety to the point where she cannot get out of bed for fear of being embarrassed then skip the opening of presents and then get some counseling for your sister for her severe anxiety.

banana468

I think if your sister doesn't want to open presents the only logical solution is to decline the shower.

aerissmom

What if you have the guests keep their presents with them at the table? Then while a few bridesmaids keep everyone entertained with games, the bride can go to each table and open the presents from that smaller group of people. Presumably she knows everyone and a table of 8 is less intimidating than a room of 65. As she opens the gifts you can record the item and the giver and move the gift to a separate table. Those who want to see what she received can peruse the opened gift table. She'll get one-on-one time with each guest, the guests will get to see her open their gifts and she won't be overwhelmed with people watching her.

misssunshine17

I think she needs to open them at the shower because that is the whole point of the shower. That being said, if you do things to keep people occupied while opening, the focus will be less on the gifts are more on what they're doing... think crossword puzzle, passed appetizers, etc. 

bunni727

You and other bridesmaids could help by handing her the next one to open/taking away wrapping paper/ writing down who gave what. It's also nice if her FI could be there with her.

I'm agoraphobic, and it really helped that there were other people moving about behind/around me, and that FI was there so the visual focus wasn't just on me. I actually had a good time, and that surprised me.

ElisabethJoanne

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-opening-gifts-at-a-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0d19b06e-58f5-4d4a-9141-23f2a609c557Post:ce8bff66-ddba-4016-a882-d1db7572c56c">Re:XP: Opening Gifts at a Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if your sister doesn't want to open presents the only logical solution is to decline the shower.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

This. A lot of people get a real warm fuzzy feeling seeing their gifts opened, and it'd be rude to skip that.

It'll go faster if one bridesmaid picks up each gift, finds the card, and at least makes eye contact with the giver. If the giver is not obvious without opening the card, usually she'll say "That's from me." Then this bridesmaid hands the gift and card to the bride, politely pointing out the giver. Another bridesmaid has a clipboard on which she writes down each giver's name and a description of each gift as they're opened.

Have on hand scissors and maybe a knife for tricky bows and ribbons. A third bridesmaid would collect these if you're doing that tradition.

jashleya

I just wanted to say how nice it is of you to be worried about your friend's feelings.

My boss is throwing a small 'get-together' for me next week at work and I am frightened just of that.  I can't imagine having a large shower.

graysquirrel

Is her FI welcome at the shower? If he came perhaps he could open half of the gifts and take some pressure off.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-opening-gifts-at-a-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0d19b06e-58f5-4d4a-9141-23f2a609c557Post:b62fefa8-ae57-4f4c-90ec-93311bde4051">XP: Opening Gifts at a Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi all!  I posted this on the etiquette board yesterday, but I thought maybe you ladies could help as well. I'm my sister's MOH.  Our aunt is hosting a shower for her next month, and my sister is insistant that she does not want to open gifts at the party.  She was recently thrown a small shower at work, and was embarrassed when she did not know what one of the gifts was and one of her 5th grade students corrected her in front of all the guests.  She is very hesitant to repeat this. She is also concerned because of the amount of gifts she will likely receive.  We expect about 65 guests, so the gift opening would take a large chunk of time and she will be uncomfortable being directly in the spotlight for so long as she is very shy.<strong> Is there a way for her to avoid this tradition without being rude?  Is there anything my cousins (the other bridesmaids) and I can do to speed up the process or lessen her anxiety about the process?</strong>  This is the first wedding being bridesmaids for all of us, and we all want to make sure that my sister remembers her shower as a fun party celebrating her marriage rather than a stress-inducing incident.  However, we also do not want to be rude to the guests.  My mother and aunt are insistant that she open the gifts at the party, but if there is a way to lessen my sisters discomfort while avoiding rudeness, I would really appreciate any suggestions. Thanks in advance!
Posted by elizabethriley[/QUOTE]

IMHO not opening gifts at the shower would come off as rude.  Some people may take this as she doesn't value or appreciate the gifts enough to open them up.  I was recently in a wedding for a friend and was expecting about the same amount of people at the shower.  One of my friends who happened to be taking care of the invitiations a little note that asked the guests to wrap the gifts in ribbons and bows rather than wrapping paper, that way she could quickly go throught he gifts.  She thought of a cute little saying but I can't remember it for the life of me. 

Also I think she shouldn't worry about not knowing what the gifts are - most of them will be from her registry anyways.. reassure her that she will have her bridesmaids with her to help her out if she's not sure.