Moms and Maids

How much is to much to spend?

The Bridesmaids dresses cost 70 dollars the shoes cost 50 and the clip for their hair costs 70. I also really would like them to have a pearl jewelry set. They both have earnings and a necklace already and one can borrow a bracelet. The other can just get the eight dollar one from Davids Bridal that looks really nice.

My question is how much is too much? We have gotten up there in price. My aunt is buying for my cousin and is pretty rude about what we are selecting but when I offer to help refuses the money and my sister is on board completely.

They have selected the dress from a few choices I gave them and the both picked the same exact shoes completely on their own which is great.

Do I just ignore my aunts comments and attitude? I have tried to help out and besides convincing my cousin to not ask for the head piece and different shoes I don't know how to make my aunt happy.
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: How much is to much to spend?

  • Wait, I'm confused.  Are you making them buy a $70 hair clip?  I honestly think my entire response to this hinges on whether you're making that a requirement or it's just something one of the bridesmaids is doing.
  • Ditto pp.  If you have required a 70.00 hair clip you have already passed "too much."  I'm waiting for your response before I go any further.
  • $70 is good for a dress.  On TK, you will hear that if you are requiring specific shoes, then you cover the cost....but if they are just "whatever nude heels you want" and they run about $50 you are ok.  $70 for a hair clip?!  I don't even want to spend that much as the bride, and that definitely is outside the limits of what they should have to pay for!  Same with jewelry.  In some areas (like my hometown) you can get them pearl jewelry as part of their gift if you want; but on TK it is frowned upon too.

    You need to ask the budget of each of your BMs and stick within it.

    image
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The hair clip is too expensive. Drop the hair clip and jewlery requirements, unless you are paying for them, and I'll bet everyone will be happier. They can wear their own jewelry. Give everyone a shoe color and let each of them choose their own shoes. Don't require professional,  hair, makeup, nails.
                       
  • Sorry I didn't clarify! The clip matches the one on my dress and THEY want it! I have not asked them to purchase anything extravagant! I don't want any clone nonsense.

    They chose their own dress and shoes and they both chose the exact smae outfit. The knock off pearl bracelet for my cousin is only eight bucks and I offered to pay for it however I found out today my grandmother has one for her to wear.

    I agree the clip is ridiculously priced but this is my bridesmaids choice. My sister doesn't want to set a budget but reassures me that if it get to be too much she will speak up for me to cover the cost.

    My issue is the aunt who refuses help paying yet complains about cost. I dont think I should have to sacrifice what I want the girls to wear and what they want if I am willing to pay for it.

    Now that I think I have the whole story out I will ask again. What should I do or say to help the situation with my aunt?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Also please read my entire post! I don't want to feel like I am being out of line on cost when I am offereing to pay for it! I HAVE OFFERED TO BUY EVERYTHING! Nobody wants me to.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I clearly said I have offered to pay for it. She refuses my money and complains constantly about the cost. I really feel like nobody is reading my post. I need advice on how to deal with my aunt not lectures about the price of a headpiece.

    NOBODY HAS TO PAY FOR ANYTHING! I have offered to pay for the entire outfit and nobody wants to accept the money.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • That doesnt solve the problem. What about the dress? How can I buy a dress behind my aunts back? Alter it and have it ready to go?

    I Just wanted some advice on talking to my aunt. I am sorry this has gotten so foggy.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-much-is-to-much-to-spend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0e13a452-db0f-48e5-88c0-edbbbc2ce873Post:ffcad15b-9198-4b64-b1fa-3e1443ab7baf">Re: How much is to much to spend?</a>:
    [QUOTE]That doesnt solve the problem. What about the dress? How can I buy a dress behind my aunts back? Alter it and have it ready to go? I Just wanted some advice on talking to my aunt. I am sorry this has gotten so foggy.
    Posted by alyssaames[/QUOTE]

    Well at some point you made the decision, so is the aunt really not going to let her daughter get the dress she wants?  How old is she?  Would she pay for it (assuming she isn't under 18)?  Why does the aunt not like it?!  It hopefully isn't because of cost because $70 is quite reasonably by most standards.  Is it too showy for her young daughter?

    image
  • My cousin is 16. She is not currently working because she is in school and playing soccer then chearleading and then Lax.

    I know the dress is fine with my aunt because my cousin wore the same dress at 13 to another wedding.

    I just feel if her daughter is choosing the dress, shoes and hair piece and I am offering to pay then she should either accept the money or talk to her daughter about her wants.

    I will just get my uncle involved as much as I will hate getting other people involved. At least he could get her exact feelings and thoughts to me without it coming directly from her.

    Thank you to the ladies who had osme advice for me! It is great to have these boards at times like this!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-much-is-to-much-to-spend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0e13a452-db0f-48e5-88c0-edbbbc2ce873Post:ffcad15b-9198-4b64-b1fa-3e1443ab7baf">Re: How much is to much to spend?</a>:
    [QUOTE]That doesnt solve the problem. What about the dress? How can I buy a dress behind my aunts back? Alter it and have it ready to go? I Just wanted some advice on talking to my aunt. I am sorry this has gotten so foggy.
    Posted by alyssaames[/QUOTE]

    Alyssa  - it's very simple. If you want to help defray the cost for your cousin to be in your wedding, go to the bridal salon and put a generous deposit down for her or cover the full amount, if you wish. If you are paying, there is no reason for the aunt to even know the cost of the dress, clip etc...If you just want to buy the hair clip for her, do as another poster suggested. Buy the clip and give it to her when you are getting ready the day of the wedding. Easy peasy.
                       
  • I wouldn't get your uncle involved.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • But my aunt has refused my money. I wouldn't want to look like im stepping on any toes.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You aren't the problem here, your aunt is.  She doens't want to take your money, but she wants to be a drama queen about the whole thing.

    Take her to lunch and make sure you aren't in a really defensive mode.  Tell her you understand she has concerns about the cost and talk it out.  If she continues the drama and won't accept your money then ask her to stop making all the comments about the cost.  You are being incredibly generous here and she seems to proud to accept the money.  I just adore people who won't accept the help offered, and then complain about it for attention.

    I hope there is some help in there somewhere for you.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    When my daughter married, she asked her younger cousins (siblings) to be the flower girl and ring bearer.  Although my brother and his wife were completely on board for it, I was concerned about them bearing the costs for both a tux and dress.  I went into the dress shop prior to our appointment and prepaid for the flower girl dress.  When we all went in for the appointment, the sales girl told my sister-in-law that the flower girl dress was free because of the number of BM dresses purchased.  Would it be too late to try such a strategy?

    I would simply tell your Aunt that as a BM, the dress is required.  Let the shoes and hair clip be optional.  That should end the discussion and argument.  My guess is that when push comes to shove, your Aunt will acquiesce on the shoes and accessories.  If she doesn't, no one will really notice the slight differences. 


This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards