Moms and Maids

ex and his SO

I asked about this on the planning & etiquette board, but I'd like to get another parent's take on it. BTW, aren't these supposed to be FOR parents, not ABOUT parents (Hey brides, how's it going?) Just kidding.
Anyway. My daughter has asked me to walk her down the aisle instead of her father. She explained that I'm the one who went to all the symphony concerts, marching band and color guard competitions, etc. Never missed a single one. The only one he went to was the last symphony of her senior year and we're pretty sure that was only because his SO's daughter was performing in her first one. The last straw was that he didn't show up for her college graduation this past December, and has never even said congratulations.
Now, this is going to cause a massive amount of trouble. He won't have the nerve to speak up, but his SO will manage to find my phone # someplace and I'll start getting drunken phone calls at all hours. Oh, did I mention she's an alcoholic? We were already expecting her to drink too much at the reception and start trouble there, in which case, I'm getting security to cart her out. It's going to be bad enough when they see their names aren't on the invitation. They can't afford to contribute anything at all because they bought a plasma TV and a playstation 3.
We're pretty sure they're going to threaten to not show up. I've already told my daughter if that happens, it's okay with me if she changes her mind. I don't want her having bad memories that her dad didn't show up to her wedding. We know how childish it would be for them to do that, but none of us would be surprised.
Do I just hang up on the sig other when she calls (and she will)? The groom wants to just take them off the invitation list if they pull a guilt trip. Can we invite them to the ceremony only? Do we HAVE to invite her? I've already assigned a friend the job of watching her in case I miss it when she starts causing trouble. If we already know she won't behave (there's no hope she will), I don't think we should have to invite her. So what's the best route to go here?

Re: ex and his SO

  • whis1970whis1970 member
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ok, as the daughter in this exact situation, I can relate. My mom raised me and was the one who went to school functions, my father was never "available" for any of these things. I think if your daughter says she wants you to walk her down the aisle, dad be damned. You are the one she chose. If he gets mad, oh well. How is she gonna feel 10 years down the road if she gives into him and lets him give her away? YOU raised her, YOU were the one who was there for her. It is YOUR honor to do, NOT his. Accept her request, she is telling you that she realizes you are the best thing in her life and she wants you to honor you for your years of raising her and being there for her when he was not.
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