Crazy future in-laws

Jennie7

Not sure if this is the "correct" place to post...Somewhat new here, and I haven't gotten up the courage to post because a lot of responses don't seem very friendly. BUT here goes. I have been engaged to my fiance for almost two years now and we will be married 9/26/09. I was relatively close with his mother, aunt, and grandmother (I worked for his aunt and that's how I met him). I quit my job for his aunt, which was part time dog bathing job, and I quit it in order to have time for a really great internship. Things got bitter towards me pretty quickly: 1)his aunt told everyone I quit b/c she wouldn't let me gossip at work (NOT my thing) 2) His family decided that I wasn't good enough for him b/c I'm not the housewife type and I hate cooking and cleaning. 3) okay there's a lot more but I don't want to waste everyone's time!! For awhile that was it, but then his grandmother thought she was very ill so she told my fiance that he "better not marry that girl" and told his uncle that I'm not good enough for him. Obviously I'm extremely upset. I also know I can't control how she feels about me and I will get over. My main problem is that I feel extremely uncomfortable having a woman come to our wedding that does not respect or support us. The marriage is what is important to me, not the wedding and I only want people there that love and support us as a couple. Is there anything I can do, or is this just a situation where I need to suck it up? Sorry for the long, bitching post.

trix1223

You don't like her.  With good reason, apparently.  But no, you can't ban someone from your FI's family from attending your wedding.  Unless your FI doesn't want her there.Just stay away from her that day.  You don't have to interact with grandma.  But she is, for better or worse, your FI's grandma.

MOBinFL2008

My first question is, why is your FI sharing with you all these hurtful comments that his family is making?  I understand if he doesn't want to keep secrets from you but I also think there are times when he needs to think more about your feelings.  Sharing with you comments that people make and about things you can't control or do anything to changed is wrong.As far as inviting Granny, I'd just suck it up and invite her.  I wouldn't give them any reason to make more comments and leaving Granny off the guest list certainly would add fuel to the fire.

Truchana

These are my thoughts. You have every right to be annoyed and vent.  I would be very hurt as well.  That being said, try to make sure your venting goes to your mom or close friends, don't vent to your fiance.  Instead keep it constructive with him.  You want to be the bigger person here.  So you need to talk to him about why they might possibly not like you and how you can improve this relationship.  If it's mostly just his grandma, oh well, let it be.   Can you think of any reason at all why they would not like you or say you aren't good enough for him?  Is it really just because you don't want to be a housewife?  I also wonder why your fiance is even bringing this up to you.  he should never tell you this crap.   When you are at different wedding events, showers, wedding, rehearsal dinner, etc, make sure your family talks about how proud they are of your accomplishments and how much they love you and your fiance. If anyone says anything rude to you from his family, your family better step in and say something to them. I know my own mom would never take someone being rude to me. I don't know.  I mean, it's one thing to not like your son's gf.  But once you are engaged, you'd think parents would at least try to accept you in their family.  You may not be their first choice for their son, but they should respect their sons decision and realize they are hurting him in the process while they are rude to you.

kissybee

I'm wondering what your FI's reaction to all of this has been?  Even though it's the mom/aunt/grandma making comments, the situation needs to be dealt with by you and him.  He needs to a) stop telling you they say these things and b) tell them that those comments are completely unacceptible, that insulting you is hurtful to him and that if don't respect both of you enough to be courteous then he will have to limit his contact with them.  Period.

Jennie7

I guess I partly brought this whole thing onto myself, just because I can tell when something is bothering him (it's pretty obvious) and I kept asking him to tell me what was wrong. He does realize he shouldn't have told me, but he also didn't want me to think that it was something I did. Also, he has a difficult time standing up to his mom and grandmother. I guess his aunt had been pretty much out of his life previously because of something completely different. I need to control my urge to know everything that is going on!! It's just hard to understand how family can be so cruel. And it's really more about the fact that they are disrespecting him and his choice to marry me without giving any sort of explanation of why. And I know it sounds crazy that there is no sort of explanation of why they don't like me but it's the truth! They did this to his Uncle's first wife and now they've done it to his Uncle's 2nd wife and have completely shunned her from the family. Guess I'm next! Okay sorry for long response. You ladies were very helpful, I think I just needed to hear opinions from a 3rd party that is not biased!

shortgirltx

My main problem is that I feel extremely uncomfortable having a woman come to our wedding that does not respect or support us. The marriage is what is important to me, not the wedding and I only want people there that love and support us as a couple.I totally understand!  I feel if you can't support US then don't come but unfortunately you can't say no to inviting them :(He obviously chose YOU for a reason.

Truchana

It's your fiances job to make sure they like you then.  I know what you mean about wanting to know everything.  If I can tell something is wrong, I will find out what it is regardless.  So I guess we can't really fault him for telling you.  So the main issue is that they don't like you.  well, it is your fiance's job to make sure that they realize this is unacceptable.  you will be his wife, and unless they want limited access to him, they better accept you.  You will now come first. Again, make sure your family shows how much they love you in front of them.  I would feel awful if I hated my kids significant other, but everyone else loved them. I'd wonder, what is wrong with me??

lilmurrygirl

Like others have said HE needs to talk to them. Maybe you all could sit down and address the issue. What they may not realize too is that you know this information. Confront them. But be very sure your man will back YOU. If during the conversation he backs his relatives at all it may just turn into a mess. Your guy feels stuck in the middle. He doesn't know what to do. He wants to make you happy but also wants to make his mom happy. If you choose not to confront them I suggest you move at least an hour away from them and limit your time with them. If your fiance still feels the need to spend time with them let him but don't feel pressure to go with him. If you do go, hang out with the other outsiders of the family. They understand how you feel. Always stick up for yourself if they say something to your face.As for grandma, if she comes to the wedding she technically is supporting your decision to get married. I doubt she is coming for the cake. Have your relatives run defense so you can enjoy your day.