Moms and Maids

Parents meeting

Does anyone else have a problem with getting grooms parents and brides parents to meet? Maybe it is just mine. FI and I have been together for 7 years and are getting married in October. We have been engaged since last august. My dad works out of town alot, I'm talking gone 3 months home 2 weeks. My family has invited his parents out for get togethers and FMIL always has an excuse why they cant come. My parents have a 4th of July bash every year at their cabin and the past 2 years I have tried to invite FILs, but they didnt want to come, and this year FMIL said they dont rough it so they wouldnt be coming. Um we dont rough it either, just because it is called a cabin doesnt mean anything, it's just smaller than their house. My parents invited them out with us for dinner for my birthday, FI's birthday and just to lunch, but they always say no. Is it just me, or does this seem odd that his parents dont want to meet mine? FI tells me that his mom just doenst like crowds, but when it is just us, my parents & his parents that is not a crowd. She goes to the races to watch FBIL race all the time, and there are crowds there.

Re: Parents meeting

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It does sound a bit odd.  Any chance she feels inferior to them and it trying to avoid them?  Does she feel maybe they are "well-off" and she isn't?  These are just guesses, but it sure seems like she is quite intent on not meeting then!
  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    While I didn't have this problem specifically I don't think it is really required of them to meet at all. I have friends that families didn't meet until the RD. If neither family can seem to work it out I would let it go and focus your energy somewhere else.  If they don't meet until the wedding then so be it. After seven years I would expect there to be some sort of relationship but if no one wants to make it happen just let it go.
  • edited December 2011
    Wow, what timing, I'm hoping not the have the same problem. I'm a MOB who was expecting to meet MOG this week, but she canceled.  She had a good reason and we are set up for next week. It is a little nerve wracking.  Just ask her what is up. (FI should ask.) Maybe if the meeting is on her terms.. IDK Good luck
  • edited December 2011
    My FILs live in another town about 2 hours away from myself, my FI and my parents.  They have met once, but it was like pulling teeth to get them to meet my parents even though they come into town all the time.  My FI told me it was because his mother is very shy and does not like meeting new people.  So, yes, I've had the same problem, but it's been several months since they have met, and neither set of parents has said anything to the other since.  I guess some parents are just alright knowing their own child's intended and leaving it at that.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like she has a bit of social anxiety.  I'm sure it's nothing personal. 
    image
  • edited December 2011
    I never realized how many couple's parents have not met before the wedding until I came to theknot and it does seem odd when you look at the circumstances.  How far away do your parents live from your FI's parents and you guys?  With that said, my FMIL has met my mom and grandmother but she didn't meet my dads side until after we got engaged.  But everyone lives quiet aways from each other and my family can't just up and leave like FI's parents can.  Nobody in my famil has met his dad and that side. Anyways.  It seems like your side has extended an offer many many times but has been declined.  By now I wouldn't expect anything different to happen in the future.
  • KrissimarieKrissimarie member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    They live about 5 miles apart.  My mom came to his parents house to get a battery for my brothers phone from me and I was stand out front and his mom was watering the plants and I said "my mom is here do you want to meet her?" she didnt say anything, just went inside quickly. FI just blows it off saying his mom doesnt like to meet new people, but she needs to get over it. To me, it makes me think that she is hoping we arent going to get married. I dont think she feels that my parents are better off than they are, infact she has made remarks about my parents being lower than they are. His family wants us to sign a prenump and I think it made her mad too when I said ok, but the prenump should state that even if something happends (death) to one of us, that inheritance will go to the kids and not each other. She didnt like that idea.
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If she avoids others like she is avoiding your parents, then don't take it personally.  I can't imagine going inside my house when my kid's FMIL had just pulled up.
  • TruchanaTruchana member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    A prenup?! Good lord! THis sounds VERY weird.  She could have social anxiety.  I would talk to your fiance about it.  It's just down right rude to not even go meet your mom when she was at her house!!  I think your parents just need to realize that they will never be friends with these people and move on.
  • KrissimarieKrissimarie member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My dad just laughed it off over the weekend when they yet again stood them up. My dad said if they want to be like that, then let them, they are just making themselves look bad for not coming. Yes the prenump part was a bit over the top of her, but that is how she is. She thinks everyone else doesnt have what they have so she is better and needs to protect her children from "Golddiggers". Except her other son's wife is a doctor and FMIL still acts like she is the golddigger.
  • TruchanaTruchana member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    hmm do you have a good relationship with her?  Is she like this with other people?  Like someone else said, if she's like this with others, then just put up with it. Honestly, I would talk to your fiance about it.  I could see if they hadn't met eachother if you had only been dating 7 months, but 7 years?!  This reflects on him as well and he should also care that they haven't met. As far as prenup, does your fiance stand to inherit a large sum of money or something?  Seriously, what is she trying to protect, his college debt?
  • edited December 2011
    How does she expect to handle the wedding?  There will be more than your parents there.
  • edited December 2011
    Except her other son's wife is a doctor and FMIL still acts like she is the golddigger. Wow,  That one is going to be fun. Does your FI have any sisters?
  • KrissimarieKrissimarie member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's only FI and his older brother, no sisters. Unless I have missed something, the only thing he and his brother stand to inherit is a huge house debt from his mother having to buy a larger house after both boys moved out 5 years ago. FSIL says that is how she is with everyone, but I can see that she is nicer to FSIL than me. I try to talk to her and it's like pulling teeth to get her talk to me. FI says not to worry, but I can see if she has a problem with just meeting my parents, how is she going to react with all the people at the reception? It is so funny to look at how each family accepts the significant other. My family treats Josh as one of the family, including him in everything, including decisions on family trips. His family (mom & brother) act like when I'm around they better not talk about too much info.
  • TruchanaTruchana member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm anxious to know, did you do the prenup?? What was on it?  Any hidden treasures you were not aware of?  I think it's definitely something you need to speak with your FI about.  If it were me, I would not make much of an effort to be close with her on the holidays and stuff. She may be closer with FSIL mainly because she actually is her daughter in law now so I wouldn't worry about that.  I'm sure it will change in time, especially once you have children, you will then be the mother of her grandchildren.  For some it takes that before really thinking of you as family. She's definitely strange, no doubt about that.
  • KrissimarieKrissimarie member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FI and I decided not to sign a prenump. After FSIL's 30th Birthday, we have decided not to attend as many family events. If FI has to be there, then he will be, but if she is going to continue to treat me like crap, then I'm not going.
  • TruchanaTruchana member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    All you can do is be the kind person that I'm sure you are to his family.  If she doesn't reciprocate, you don't need to act rudely or anything, just simply don't go out of your way to please or hang out with her.  I mean, honestly, if you had a friend that was rude to you, would you remain friends with them?  Probably not.  Family is a little different, but still...it doesn't mean you have to go out of your way for them. As long as your fiance is aware of your feelings and defends you, who cares.  It does disturb me that your fiance doesn't try to push his mom or give you any more insight to her actions.  Maybe he just doesn't care. 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards