do I have to give my junior bridesmaid the same primping and gifts as my bridesmaids?

kelloggh

My Fiance has two lovely sisters, one of which I am great friends with, and the other I barely know and is only 12. To make a long story short I was backed into a corner and made the youngest one a junior bridesmaid, so no one felt left out and really it's not a big deal, if it makes her happy and, most importantly, the mother in law to be happy, then it makes the whole wedding planning so much more enjoyable for me. But now I am getting down to the purchasing gifts for the wedding party and I was going to gift my bridesmaids their makeup and hair styling, would it be okay for me to get the junior bridesmaid a gift more age appropriate or pay for just her hair to be done? spending $65 for a 12 year old to have their makeup done seems a bit much. Am I in the wrong here for not wanting to spend that kind of money when all she needs is a little blush, eyeshadow and maybe mascara? or would it be kosher to give her a different gift from the bridesmaids?....FYI i'm not requiring my maids to have hair and make up professionally done, as they are all quite talented at both, i just thought a morning together having our makeup done would be a nice gift.

vsgal

All of the gifts should be something tailored to each of the ladies.  Giving the bridal party their hair/make-up is not a good because you are mandating it for the wedding.  It is not a gift if they have to do it.  You should be paying for it regardless and getting them something else more personal as their thank-you gift. Shop for them like it is their birthday.   It does not have to be a lot, but it can't be hair/make-up. 

jagore08

Hair and makeup for your wedding is not a gift, it's something to fulfill your vision for your wedding.  If you cannot afford both then make hair and makeup optional and let your BM know the price if they'd like to have theirs professionally done.  

The gifts to your BM are you thanking them for standing up for you.  This gift should be something tailored to each of your ladies likes (and nothing to do with your wedding).  Doing this will also help with your question regarding your FSIL.

redheadtmk

I slightly disagree with PP's. If you are requiring them to have thier hair and makeup done professionally or even just dictating how thier hair and makeup looks you are required to pay for it. However I have been in several weddings, some of which I had professionally done hair and makeup, while others I did myself. It may not be ettiquette but having your hair and makeup done professionally is fun and if you are treating them to have thier hair and makeup done however they want, then to me that is not dictating how they look. If you did not pay for it, would these girls all do thier hair and make up themselves? I will probably get flamed for saying its ok to treat your girls to hair and makeup. I have lived on both coasts, one in an affluent area, and the other rural. In the more rural area it is unheard of for girls, even the bride to have professionally done hair and makeup so  I may be a bit biased about it being a treat.

kmmssg

Hair and makeup for your wedding is not a gift.  The gift should have absolutely nothing to do with your wedding and be something they will have and enjoy afterwards.

I am a big fan of shopping for each girl as if it were her birthday or Christmas and buying something individual for each one.  If you don't go that route and insist on the hair and makeup as a gift, then I think you should let the Jr BM get makeup done also - very light and natural, but she should be treated as the others.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_do-i-have-to-give-my-junior-bridesmaid-the-same-primping-and-gifts-as-my-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:10d7e2ab-4318-436a-93c2-5495b3d2b3c9Post:8e7421ef-6d6a-4fac-babf-5739264b92a5">do I have to give my junior bridesmaid the same primping and gifts as my bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance has two lovely sisters, one of which I am great friends with, and the other I barely know and is only 12. To make a long story short I was backed into a corner and made the youngest one a junior bridesmaid, so no one felt left out and really it's not a big deal, if it makes her happy and, most importantly, the mother in law to be happy, then it makes the whole wedding planning so much more enjoyable for me. But now I am getting down to the purchasing gifts for the wedding party and I was going to gift my bridesmaids their makeup and hair styling, would it be okay for me to get the junior bridesmaid a gift more age appropriate or pay for just her hair to be done? spending $65 for a 12 year old to have their makeup done seems a bit much. Am I in the wrong here for not wanting to spend that kind of money when all she needs is a little blush, eyeshadow and maybe mascara? or would it be kosher to give her a different gift from the bridesmaids?
Posted by kelloggh[/QUOTE]

Well, you've already singled her out as being different from the rest of the BMs by labeling her a JUNIOR bridesmaid, so why the hell not make her feel even more excluded from the group by not including her in the hair and makeup? There's nothing a 12-year-old loves more than having it pointed out to everybody involved that she's different and not as good as everybody else.

And to reiterate what the rest of the ladies said, if you're requiring it for the wedding, it's not a gift to pay for it.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_do-i-have-to-give-my-junior-bridesmaid-the-same-primping-and-gifts-as-my-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:10d7e2ab-4318-436a-93c2-5495b3d2b3c9Post:a1e3e439-7d6c-49d9-a093-301b33a4b17e">Re: do I have to give my junior bridesmaid the same primping and gifts as my bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]I slightly disagree with PP's. If you are requiring them to have thier hair and makeup done professionally or even just dictating how thier hair and makeup looks you are required to pay for it. However I have been in several weddings, some of which I had professionally done hair and makeup, while others I did myself. It may not be ettiquette but having your hair and makeup done professionally is fun and if you are treating them to have thier hair and makeup done however they want, then to me that is not dictating how they look. If you did not pay for it, would these girls all do thier hair and make up themselves? I will probably get flamed for saying its ok to treat your girls to hair and makeup. I have lived on both coasts, one in an affluent area, and the other rural. In the more rural area it is unheard of for girls, even the bride to have professionally done hair and makeup so  I may be a bit biased about it being a treat.
Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]

Nobody is flaming her for paying for her bridal party's hair and makeup. We're flaming her because she's <em>requiring</em> them to get professional hair and makeup and considering it her gift to them by paying for it. Professional hair and makeup for her wedding is a gift to herself, not her BMs.

See the difference?

vsgal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_do-i-have-to-give-my-junior-bridesmaid-the-same-primping-and-gifts-as-my-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:10d7e2ab-4318-436a-93c2-5495b3d2b3c9Post:a1e3e439-7d6c-49d9-a093-301b33a4b17e">Re: do I have to give my junior bridesmaid the same primping and gifts as my bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]I slightly disagree with PP's. If you are requiring them to have thier hair and makeup done professionally or even just dictating how thier hair and makeup looks you are required to pay for it. However I have been in several weddings, some of which I had professionally done hair and makeup, while others I did myself. It may not be <strong>ettiquette but having your hair and makeup done professionally is fun and if you are treating them to have thier hair and makeup done however they want, then to me that is not dictating how they look. If you did not pay for it, would these girls all do thier hair and make up themselves?</strong> I will probably get flamed for saying its ok to treat your girls to hair and makeup. I have lived on both coasts, one in an affluent area, and the other rural. In the more rural area it is unheard of for girls, even the bride to have professionally done hair and makeup so  I may be a bit biased about it being a treat.
Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]

That is exactly what they do. I have been putting on make-up since I was 16.  I got married at 34.  I know how to do my make-up.  I know what I am comfortable in as far as colors.  My MOH did her own hair and make-up as well. 

It is not pampering for everyone.  I find it very distressing for anyone to touch my face.  Does she have a heavy hand?  When did she last clean the brushes?  Is her definition of a smokey eye the same as mine?  What was the last thing she touched before she touched my face?


If it is required, the bride pays for it.  It doesn't count as a gift.

quiggels219

I agree that hair and makeup is not a gift - I would be annoyed if a bride made me have hair and makeup done and then said - that was my gift to you - you're welcome. It should be something they will enjoy and can use themselves. I bought all my bm jewelry that I knew they would like - I have my neice as a bm so of course I bought her a more fun young piece than the rest of the ladies, so I would agree that you should tailor whatever gift to her age.

kmmssg

I see you are NOT requiring them to have hair/makeup done.  That is great.  However, paying for something that is only for your wedding still isn't a gift.  Shop for them all individually.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_do-i-have-to-give-my-junior-bridesmaid-the-same-primping-and-gifts-as-my-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:10d7e2ab-4318-436a-93c2-5495b3d2b3c9Post:50c2eb61-344f-4050-9ac9-23b960b9ebfb">Re: do I have to give my junior bridesmaid the same primping and gifts as my bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: do I have to give my junior bridesmaid the same primping and gifts as my bridesmaids? : That is exactly what they do. I have been putting on make-up since I was 16.  I got married at 34.  I know how to do my make-up.  I know what I am comfortable in as far as colors.  My MOH did her own hair and make-up as well.  It is not pampering for everyone.  I find it very distressing for anyone to touch my face.  Does she have a heavy hand?  When did she last clean the brushes?  Is her definition of a smokey eye the same as mine?  What was the last thing she touched before she touched my face? If it is required, the bride pays for it.  It doesn't count as a gift.
Posted by vsgal

^^This is another good point^^

I had my makeup professionally done once and had a terrible reaction to the makeup. My eyes swelled and itched for weeks and it took months for the zits to clear up. It took me a very long time to find products that work on my skin.  Same with my hair. I found a hair stylist that knows what to do with my hair. I would probably not be comfortable with anyone else styling my hair and would have to redo it anyway.

redheadtmk

I must have missed something because I did not see where she said they were required to have it done. I also stated in the beginning of my post that if it was required it was not a gift. I stand by what I said. For many girls getting thier hair and makeup done would be a rare treat that they would enjoy more than some other trinket or gift. I personally would rather have my hair and makeup done professionally so I felt extra beautiful on that day than get something else. However if it is a gift you need to make sure the girls know it is optional. If they would rather not have it done due to the reasons PPs stated such as cleanliness and allergies, then you need to do something else for them. I know proper ettiquette says wedding related items are not gifts but not everybody needs more stuff.

nlindsay17

My DD is getting married in two weeks. She is having a professional hair and makeup team come to the house the day of. All of the girls were given the option of having their hair and makeup done for the wedding. None of them have to pay for this service and it is not part of their gift. They are all choosing their own hairstyle. The youngest bridesmaid was included along with the rest of the girls. She is very excited to be included in this as well as the nail salon the day before.
So my answer to you is YES include ALL the bridesmaids and do not use this as your gift to them. Get them a small gift that they can use after the wedding.

Hilraythebride

I would include her I think it is a very nice gesture and she would be so thrilled and happy.  That being said I do agree with the PPs in saying it is not a gift.

I am having the girls get their hair and makeup done the day of but this is not what I am "giving them/"  You can find really cute stuff at any craft store and make them something.  I think something like a little jewlry box with their name engraved is very nice.  A gift to me is something they can take home with them that will remind them of the day/

Maybe you can have the JBMs hair done but not the makeup.

Elinetrouwt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_do-i-have-to-give-my-junior-bridesmaid-the-same-primping-and-gifts-as-my-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:10d7e2ab-4318-436a-93c2-5495b3d2b3c9Post:4f1bb337-78c4-44a9-8a8c-25b75fd86aa6">Re: do I have to give my junior bridesmaid the same primping and gifts as my bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to do I have to give my junior bridesmaid the same primping and gifts as my bridesmaids? : Well, you've already singled her out as being different from the rest of the BMs by labeling her a JUNIOR bridesmaid, so why the hell not make her feel even more excluded from the group by not including her in the hair and makeup? There's nothing a 12-year-old loves more than having it pointed out to everybody involved that she's different and not as good as everybody else. 
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm sorry you got 'cornered', but do realise that while you may not know this girl very well now, she'll be your SIL for the rest of your life. So it may be worthwhile to get to know her better. You asked her, don't try to find ways to get out of it.</div>