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MOB wants to wear black

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Re: MOB wants to wear black

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    Renegade - I enjoyed all of your posts.  NYU - you just keep digging that immature hole deeper and deeper.
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    Thanks, kmmsg- I'm really am floored that anyone would be so nitpicky about someone else's clothes, and even moreso that someone would adopt such an uncharitable interpretation of her mother's choice.
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    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:1ad569c5-b799-4559-9482-561fe145b78b">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why shoudnt MOB be nice?  She was told no black?   This relationship has sailed a long time ago.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    Do you actually go to NYU?  If you do, I'd like a word with admissions.

    A mother/daughter relationship does not dissolve over something like this.  The BRIDE's actions were hurtful and rude to HER MOTHER.  The BRIDE had NO RIGHT to tell her mother what she may or may not wear to the wedding. While it would be nice for the bride if the MOB did not wear black, the MOB is not required to not wear it nor is she required to have her dress approved by her daughter.  OP's attitude about this is bad enough but your suggestion that she seat her mom in the back instead of the front row is vindictive and totally out of bounds.  THAT BS pettiness would destroy a mother/daughter relationship.  Why is this so hard for you to understand?
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    My mother is very against black at weddings, and I know at least a few circles where it's a snub, but hey, WHITE was originally a mourning color. Do people think that every bride is in mourning? No, because things change.

    photo a826c490-726a-4824-af5c-d938878de228_zpseb85bb5a.jpg
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    Eh live and let live and relax a tad. You gotta choose your battles especially since your big day is coming up. If you sit here focusing on the stuff that won't even matter a week after the wedding then it will over power the thing that truly matters...marrying a guy your in love with. 

    If it REALLY bothers you that much then talk to her and tell her that it truly upsets you. But do NOT put her in the back as another has mentioned. That is so rude and unloving.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:930b3cf9-590f-4b6a-84bd-08ee08fac7ce">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Goodluck, if you read, there was already a less than stellar relationship between OP and her mother before the wedding.  </strong> I can not believe any mother would go against her child's wishes on this.  It speaks terribly of her.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    If she takes your advice, do you think their relationship will improve?
                       
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:930b3cf9-590f-4b6a-84bd-08ee08fac7ce">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Goodluck, if you read, there was already a less than stellar relationship between OP and her mother before the wedding.   I can not believe any mother would go against her child's wishes on this.  It speaks terribly of her.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    And your childish reaction speaks terribly of you.  What's your point?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:930b3cf9-590f-4b6a-84bd-08ee08fac7ce">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Goodluck, if you read, there was already a less than stellar relationship between OP and her mother before the wedding.   I can not believe any mother would go against her child's wishes on this.  It speaks terribly of her.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    And this justifies you suggesting that OP do something that would probably destroy this relationship?

    The OP:

    <em>the title says it all.  I have told my "real" mother.....not my step mother <strong>who I am a little closer to,</strong> that you are not to wear black...as it means you are against our wedding and black is for a funeral.

    </em>There is nothing that says this relationship is bad or "less than stellar."  All she said was she is<u> a little closer</u> to her step-mom.  There could be any number of reasons for this but unlike you, I'm not going to assume what they might be.  Nowhere does OP say that the relationship is bad.


    It's not my reading comprehension skills that need work here.  Again, if you are truly an NYU student, my opinion of that school is sinking pretty quickly.
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    shelle -  You've been offered a variety of opinions. What do you think?  Will you let it go or punish your mom if she doesn't mind you?
                       
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:f8dc0aff-e269-4483-bf53-eaedd7c600f3">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maggie, it is one thing for a guest to wear black, another for MOB.  Sorry you do understand the difference.   I am suggesting that if mother wants to deliberately go against her daughter, she can be treated as a guest. 
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    Um, aren't parents considered guests?  Since they aren't in the wedding party and they aren't guests what would you consider them?

    I also don't see how it is only the MOB that can't wear black.  I mean if the color dictates that you are not happy about the marriage then really no one should wear black.  Why is it only designated for mothers?  That just seems dumb and ridiculous.

    Again it was rude for the daughter to dictate what her mother can and cannot wear.  Her mother is an adult and can wear whatever she would like.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:9e074701-3dba-4241-85af-195623306e20">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Goodluck, it may be 2012, but I do not think wearing black by MOB shows respect for the marriage or the MOBs child.   <strong>That being the case, I think OP should make it clear to her that wearing black will be viiewed as lack of respect, and she does not deserve front row seat.</strong>
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    Your tone is clear, here. Mom doesn't do what you want, you will publicly embarrass her by not allowing her to sit in the front row.

    If my daughter did that to me, I'd be embarrassed that I raised such a disrespectful human being. I'm going to call my daughter right now to let her know that I appreciate her.
                       
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    That is a great idea Maire - I have 4 phone calls to make as I know 4 young women who would never dream of acting in such a disgusting manner.
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    Of COURSE the MOB is a guest- a special guest. Which is why she is traditionally seated in the first row.  Stop with your logic and common sense, Maggie!

    And I'm still waiting for someone to explain to me why men can wear the same thing to a funeral that they can wear to a wedding but if a woman does that, she's a conniving snake trying to ruin the bride's special day.  My husband's grandma owns one dress that she wears to all functions where it is appropriate to dress up.  It's pink and black and she's worn it to every wedding and funeral in the family for the last 10 years.  I guess I should have made the ushers drag her ass to the back row so everyone would know what she did and she would feel appropriately humiliated for not showing me an appropriate amount of respect on my wedding day.

    OP, stop choosing to be offended and just have a good time with your new husband- if that's not your focus on your wedding day, you're doing it wrong.
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    Renegade, I forgot that common sense and logic just does not work when dealing with stupidity LOL!

    I once wore a white and black dress to a wedding.  Not only was I trying to one up the bride but I was also making the statement that I think her wedding was dumb.

    And if black is considered a poor color to wear what about brown?  Couldn't people possibly construe that the reason why you are wearing a brown dress means that you hope their marriage turns to sh$t?  Basically you could come up with a reason why any color is a bad color to wear.

    OP, please do not listen to crappy advice given by some.  On your wedding day I doubt you will even notice or care about the color of your mother's dress or the attire of anyone of your guests.  Like Renegade said, if your focus on all the little details rather then your new husband then there is an issue.

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    The irrelevancy of all three of your points has been explained to you several times.  I'm out, so rock on with your bad self, I guess.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:08a2aa5b-cb21-4623-8300-786e15b97b17">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Renegade, this woman does not have only one dress. Per OP, she went and bought a dress.  Why people compare situations which are so obviously different is beyond me.  Lets count people comparing totally different situations - 1.  Wearing black as guest, versus as mother of bride. 2.  Wearing black when bride asked MOB to, as opposed to bride specifically asking no black. and now 3.  Wearing black when only one dress, when here, OP has said mother purchased dress. 
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    You still have not explained to me why it is only the Mothers that cannot wear black but that anyone else (guests, fathers, groom, groomsmen, BMs, etc) can?

    I really think you are missing the overall point everyone is trying to make.  OP was in the wrong because you cannot dictate what a guest (and yes a MOB is a guest) wears, whether that be in style or color.  The only people in the entire wedding that the bride and groom have any say in what they wear is their wedding party, which parents are not a part of.

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    People who tell me that I cant wear a color just because I have breasts can suck it. And if my daughter, who I risked my life to birth, raise, and spent years nurturing put me at the back over something as trivial and lame as a color, i'd tell her to suck it too.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:85aad0aa-345e-44a0-bdee-7b416784d937">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maggie, of course women are subject to different constraints than men.   Women do not have to wear ties.  Depending on the wedding, men may have to.   I agree, one can not dictate what mom will wear.  But you can tell mom if you do this, I will take this as a sign that you would rather be treated as guest and sit with guests.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    Again you have not answered my question, which says to me that you don't have one.

    And how many freaking times do I have to say this?  Mom = Guest!

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:597e964a-2f49-4a7f-b050-39e9db5ce6b8">Re:MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]People who tell me that I cant wear a color just because I have breasts can suck it. And if my daughter, who I risked my life to birth, raise, and spent years nurturing put me at the back over something as trivial and lame as a color, i'd tell her to suck it too.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

    If I had even thought of pulling this crap with my mother, once she was through with me, my dad, brothers and any number of aunts would have lined up to kick my ass.

    NYU - how old are you?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:2135d238-8a73-457a-be27-295e943e1e47">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Goodluck, OP says her parents are divorced, so I doubt her dad will say anything.   Maybe if there are relatives, they can be asked to ask mom not to wear black. 
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    What the hell kind of world do you come from where it is okay to treat your mother like crap and your father won't tell you to respect her???  My parents have been married for forty years but I will tell you right now, I don't have a single friend whose parents are divorced who were not made to respect the other parent.

    For the last f*cking time, it is NOBODY's place to tell the MOB that she cannot wear black.
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    Goodluck, I am with you and Peledream.  If I pulled that crap my Mother would have b$tched slapped me from here to China and back again.

    NYU, just because her parents are divorced does not mean that they aren't cordial and friends and it also doesn't mean that her Father won't say anything to her for hurting her Mother's feelings and acting like a complete brat!

    NYU, just how much did OP pay you to argue her point into the ground?

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:625f91b9-f565-432a-b59e-1b2cad92226d">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Really, because I think in many families a relative would ask mom not to wear black.  That was actually a great suggestion to get others involved, and try to convince the mother not to do this. 
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    WHO THE F*CK SUGGESTED THAT???????
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    Okay - now i know you are a troll.  Go find a bridge.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:d255b34c-2f4e-423f-af9d-68b98822f95b">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOB wants to wear black : WHO THE F*CK SUGGESTED THAT???????
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    NYU did.  Apparantely besides being a pain in the butt she also likes patting herself on the back.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:85aad0aa-345e-44a0-bdee-7b416784d937">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maggie, of course women are subject to different constraints than men.   Women do not have to wear ties.  Depending on the wedding, men may have to.   I agree, one can not dictate what mom will wear.  But you can tell mom if you do this, I will take this as a sign that you would rather be treated as guest and sit with guests.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    So, you can't dictate what the mom will wear. You can just tell her that if she doesn't do what you say, you're going to stick her in the back and pretend she's not actually your mother.

    My goodness you are a piece of work. I feel really bad for your mother. God forbid she, as a grown woman, ever make a choice that you disagree with. You'd probably cut off all communication.
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    I saw this post and wondered if NYU found her way to this board...
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    willywally5willywally5 member
    First Comment
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:bd737e95-1d93-46ff-be03-b118f97ab624">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOB wants to wear black : Your tone is clear, here. Mom doesn't do what you want, you will publicly embarrass her by not allowing her to sit in the front row. If my daughter did that to me, I'd be embarrassed that I raised such a disrespectful human being. I'm going to call my daughter right now to let her know that I appreciate her.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]<div>
    Well, you know people who don't do things the way NYUGirl sees fit or live their lives how she wants get treated like crap.  Unless, of course, they are bankrolling her PPD. That's how it's done in her little world or at least the parts of it she so ridiculously shares with us here.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'd be embarrassed as hell to raise such a child.</div><div>
    </div><div>Moms can wear whatever they want. Bride doesn't get to dictate. She may suggest or request but the decision is left up to the mom.</div><div>
    </div>
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    edited October 2012
    The bride is from Chicago so I highly doubt it is viewed as a faux pas and even if it were, surely her mother would be aware since it tends to be the older generations who hold onto this.

    Even if this were the case, it still does not excuse OP from demanding her mother not wear black or NYU's absolutely awful suggestion of sitting mom in the back.
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    I would never demand that my mother (or and guest for that matter) not wear black.
    Its not the destination so much as the journey, they say. - Captain Jack Sparrow Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:625f91b9-f565-432a-b59e-1b2cad92226d">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Really, because I think in many families a relative would ask mom not to wear black.  That was actually a great suggestion to get others involved, and try to convince the mother not to do this. 
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]
    NYUgirl, I look forward to watching you on the show - Bridezillas.
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