Help with mom

SB1512

So, my parents are funding a large chunk of the wedding, but luckily for most things have let FI and I make decisions that reflect our styles and tastes.  My mom however, is very detail oriented, and very concerned about the decorations/centerpieces. 

Our venue offers free centerpieces, which I was perfectly fine with (couldn't give a rat's a$$ about what they look like, it's not something I'm going to hone in on at the reception), but mom said no they are ugly we are doing something else.  Using a florist for centerpieces is out of the budget.  I tried to come up with a few budget friendly ideas (river rocks in a bowl with floating candles, fake flower petals scattered on table, something with mason jars) but my mom shot all of these down too.

Honestly, I really don't care what the centerpieces are, and I don't want to spend tons of time researching and coming up with ideas.  If I truly could have it my way I would just use the free ones and then put the $$ saved towards something else.  But, respecting that my mom is paying, I told her that she can have free reign on this decision since it seems to be something that's important to her.  Problem is is that she is trying to pass the responsibility back onto me, saying to find some ideas and send them to her.  I did send ideas, and she shot everything down (which doesn't bother me because I am not attached or set on a particular idea).

 How can I get her to understand that I am giving her full power on the decision of the centerpieces and I don't want to spend time thinking about them.  Out of all the wedding stuff, this area seems to be her biggest concern so why is she ultimately trying to deflect thre responsibility back onto me? 

Carson386

I'm not really sure about the whole thing, she probaby just wants eveything to be perfect. Can you tell her you woud love it if she could help you pick something? Maybe ask her to look at a wedding magazine with you and point out things that she likes.

AddieCake

"Mom, I am perfectly happy with the centerpieces the venue provides, but I have made some other suggestions that you don't care for. If this is important to you, you will have to choose them yourself because I am busy with other aspects of the wedding. I trust your taste." 

SB1512

Thanks, I'll definitely use Addie's wording.  The one thing that does concern me is that because my mom is so dead set on having everything perfect (and I think subconscioulsy trying to prove something or show off to relatives) that I know she is going to hound my father about upping the budget to afford what she views as acceptable.  My parents are already providing a generous amount (15K which does not include my dress and paying for the bridal shower so my BM's don't have to pay for it) and I think to have to increase that budget to afford something optional such as centerpieces is crazy! 

Jager1219

Totally understand - I had the same feeling about the centerpieces & my mom wanted more.  Some cost-saving suggestions that I am using are:
1. Purchase your own vases/centerpiece bowls & fill with rocks, etc and just give to florist to add flowers.
2. Use a market as your florist - MUCH less expensive than a traditional florist.
3. Re-use your BMs bouquets as decoractions for cake table, etc. (they don't need them after the ceremony).
4. Use flowers in-season
I'm getting married mother's day weekend and most florists wanted a min. of $10k!  Because of the above, I'm only spending 1800 on all my flowers (7 bouquets, boutioners, corsages, 18 centerpieces, and ceremony flower decorations).  Shop around - you may be surprised.

SB1512

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-with-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:13c8175a-a15a-48ba-9fc7-fc1447e0b7e5Post:247976cf-9d3e-4889-ab0e-b0b3f6f84a67">Re: Help with mom</a>:
[QUOTE]Totally understand - I had the same feeling about the centerpieces & my mom wanted more.  Some cost-saving suggestions that I am using are: 1. Purchase your own vases/centerpiece bowls & fill with rocks, etc and just give to florist to add flowers. 2. Use a market as your florist - MUCH less expensive than a traditional florist. 3. Re-use your BMs bouquets as decoractions for cake table, etc. (they don't need them after the ceremony). 4. Use flowers in-season I'm getting married mother's day weekend and most florists wanted a min. of $10k!  Because of the above, I'm only spending 1800 on all my flowers (7 bouquets, boutioners, corsages, 18 centerpieces, and ceremony flower decorations).  Shop around - you may be surprised.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

Our florist is actually very reasonable (Melissa of stylish blooms) but with a guest list of 200 people, it seems like any type of real floral centerpieces just cannot be afforded.  I advocated for doing the rocks in vases or bowls and incorporating fake flowers but mom for some reason is against using fake flowers.  We're going on a lunch date soon I think so hopefully we can come to an understanding.......which is basically I don't care about this aspect and it's not on my radar.  If she wants something other than what the venue offers she can do the legwork and make the decision on what to use.