Sister is MOH

diehld

I posted this in another board but it fits better here just need some advice... 

My sister is my MOH. We aren't very close for varying reasons but anyway here is the story. 

We were at Our Uncles FW's bridal shower. I look over to my sister and say you know for my Bridal shower I would like to do some kind of game. I find it really awkward to come eat, and then open gifts in front of everyone and eat cake... Its like its not my birthday. She then looks over to me and was like I'm not throwing you a D--- shower. I am only spending money on my shoes and maybe my hair other than that I am not spending S--- on your wedding.  She then continues after the party to ask me why she is even my MOH and for that matter even a bridesmaid. She was like you won't be my MOH and I don't even want you in my wedding party. (which kind of ticks me off because I set her and her bf up) I told her that she was my sister and that she is the only one I have that is why she is my MOH. I then told her that I was only telling her ideas that I would like since she had already been asking. And that the other girls will help out on costs and that my FMIL knew she was throwing one and was planning on my BM's to just help with plans (ie no money on her part)

Now really this comment wouldn't bother me so much if she hadn't called up of of my other BM's two days after my engagement and started asking her about party ideas.  Or the fact her dress is being made for by my FMIL and will only cost her about 30 dollars. Money is not a factor for her. I know she has it and flaunts it all the time. But is very selfish about it. As in they bought a new car around christmas time and a kinnect for their x-box but couldn't bother to get anyone anything but 99 cent cards. 

So I know I have other things to worry about but my sisters comments are really getting to me. 

Should I tell her that she is in the wrong here or is she at all? All I wanted was to tell her a few ideas..

KMLara

Etiquette says that no one, even your MOH, MUST throw you a shower. If she wants to great. If not, there really isn't anything you can do about it. Anyone else, BMs, FMIL, your mom, anyone can choose to throw you a shower but it is not a requirement.

What I would be more bothered about is your sister's rude attitude and the unnecessary rude comments she made to you, but maybe she was just having a bad day.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sister-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:142270dc-9f2b-4ac3-85c5-0237186ef780Post:859f824c-feb9-4664-af35-06ff8fd01bb4">Sister is MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I posted this in another board but it fits better here just need some advice...  My sister is my MOH. We aren't very close for varying reasons but anyway here is the story.  We were at Our Uncles FW's bridal shower. I look over to my sister and say you know for my Bridal shower I would like to do some kind of game. I find it really awkward to come eat, and then open gifts in front of everyone and eat cake... Its like its not my birthday. She then looks over to me and was like I'm not throwing you a D--- shower. I am only spending money on my shoes and maybe my hair other than that I am not spending S--- on your wedding.  She then continues after the party to ask me why she is even my MOH and for that matter even a bridesmaid. She was like you won't be my MOH and I don't even want you in my wedding party. (which kind of ticks me off because I set her and her bf up) I told her that she was my sister and that she is the only one I have that is why she is my MOH. I then told her that I was only telling her ideas that I would like since she had already been asking. And that the other girls will help out on costs and that my FMIL knew she was throwing one and was planning on my BM's to just help with plans (ie no money on her part) Now really this comment wouldn't bother me so much if she hadn't called up of of my other BM's two days after my engagement and started asking her about party ideas.  Or the fact her dress is being made for by my FMIL and will only cost her about 30 dollars. Money is not a factor for her. I know she has it and flaunts it all the time. But is very selfish about it. As in they bought a new car around christmas time and a kinnect for their x-box but couldn't bother to get anyone anything but 99 cent cards.  So I know I have other things to worry about but my sisters comments are really getting to me.  Should I tell her that she is in the wrong here or is she at all? All I wanted was to tell her a few ideas..
Posted by diehld@uindy.edu[/QUOTE]

Why did you ask somebody you're not close to to be your MOH, let alone in your wedding party at all? Just because you share DNA?

And how anybody chooses to spend their money is exactly none of your business.

diehld

She is my sister she is the only one I have. We try to be close but we are night and day and just end up fighting over pretty much everything. I know how she spends her money is none of my business it still bugs me tho when she wants me to spend all of my money or she says just get it from my FI... its like you don't want me to know what you spend your money on don't ask about mine...

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sister-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:142270dc-9f2b-4ac3-85c5-0237186ef780Post:3a04836b-8dda-4adf-a37a-83ad225279f0">Re: Sister is MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]She is my sister she is the only one I have.<strong> We try to be close but we are night and day and just end up fighting over pretty much everything.</strong> I know how she spends her money is none of my business it still bugs me tho when she wants me to spend all of my money or she says just get it from my FI... its like you don't want me to know what you spend your money on don't ask about mine...
Posted by diehld@uindy.edu[/QUOTE]

So this behavior is perfectly normal. Were you expecting her to experience a complete personality change just because you're getting married?

marinabreeze

PPs gave great advice.

On an unrelated but TK note, I would suggest you get a new account that doesn't include your email address as your SN.  People can find out too much info about you, and a few of them might be nuts.  Can't be too careful on the Internet :-).

DDOMI001

Forget her. You should not let anyone ruin your day...NO ONE!!! And yes, it's true that your MOH does not need to throw you a Bridal Shower, but a good one will!!! Even a small one if money is an issue. Being sisters does not mean you get to be a MOH, I think you should ask someone else, seriously.

jemmini6

That's pretty messed up that she was so mean about it, but if that's how she always is, you can't expect her to change just because you are getting married.

Also, what she spends her money on is none of your business.  FI and I are much more comfortable than either of my sisters financially, but that doesn't mean that I want to spend all my money on them either.