wedding etiquette

greenesmaid

hi fellow brides-to-be and maids! quick question: what is considered a destination wedding?! my bride-to-be is getting married in a town about 45 minutes from our home town (ceremony and reception). i would have never considered this a "destination wedding." other bridesmaids are saying that, since the wedding is 45 minutes away, the bride and groom should be paying for the hotel rooms for all bridesmaids and groomsmen. traditional etiquette suggests that the bride and groom front the travel expenditures for the wedding party; but again, i would have never thought of this as a destination wedding. thoughts?  

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:15113bd4-aaa2-49ce-9956-a3bf34ca5c80Post:347c0974-43de-498f-afa5-9b9a724b6599">wedding etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]hi fellow brides-to-be and maids! quick question: what is considered a destination wedding?! my bride-to-be is getting married in a town about 45 minutes from our home town (ceremony and reception). i would have never considered this a "destination wedding." other bridesmaids are saying that, since the wedding is 45 minutes away, the bride and groom should be paying for the hotel rooms for all bridesmaids and groomsmen. traditional etiquette suggests that the bride and groom front the travel expenditures for the wedding party; but again, i would have never thought of this as a destination wedding. thoughts?    
Posted by greenesmaid[/QUOTE]

Your bridesmaids and groomsmen are trying to scam free hotel rooms out of you. 45 minutes is not a destination wedding. And even if it were, <strong>no</strong>. BMs and GMs are expected to foot that part of the bill themselves. It comes along with the honor of standing with you during your vows that they've accepted.

Matty143

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:15113bd4-aaa2-49ce-9956-a3bf34ca5c80Post:837b5b2d-4498-4dce-9bdc-6634d0a09afc">Re: wedding etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to wedding etiquette : Your bridesmaids and groomsmen are trying to scam free hotel rooms out of you. 45 minutes is not a destination wedding. And even if it were, no . BMs and GMs are expected to foot that part of the bill themselves. It comes along with the honor of standing with you during your vows that they've accepted.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]


Exactly this. Ive always paid for my hotel and travel.

Muffin'sMom

I would not consider it one.  I think y'all are being silly.  Heck, you can drive 45 minutes in most larger cities and not even get across town!  If the other attendants want a hotel room so they can party to the point where they CAN'T drive, that is on them.

Destination wedding, for me, requires that you need to get on an airplane to get there.  Even at that, it is up to the bride to tell her maids what she can provide WHEN SHE ASKS THEM.  If you are having a wedding in Italy, and you can't afford to pay for the travel expenses of your party, then you need to tell them when you ask them and love them if they can't do it.

jagore08

My wedding was 2 hours from DH and my hometown and clear across country from where we live.  It still wasn't a destination wedding.  All of our wedding party paid for their own airfare, hotel, and attire.  We did, however, help search for the cheapest flights and hotel options for them.

ETA: 45 minutes isn't so far away that they can't drive from their homes to and from the wedding.  They don't have to stay where the wedding is if they can't afford, or want to pay, for a hotel for the night.

MairePoppy

The bride and groom are not responsible for the travel and accommodation expenses of any of their guests, including the wedding party.

A 45 minute drive does not equal a destination wedding. They could all drive home after the wedding if they can't afford to stay overnight. They could drive to and from for the RD, also.

Maggie0829

My wedding was 45 minutes away from where most of my WP lived.  We did not cover the cost of their hotel rooms because it was there choice as to whether they stayed or not...we did not require them to stay Friday or Saturday night.  If you do require them to stay a night or two then it is up to you and the groom to foot the bill.

A destination wedding, IMO, is having a wedding where none of your friends or family live...an example would be, if I got married in Hawaii and all of my guests had to travel to attend then that is what I consider a destination wedding.  A 45 minute drive does not equate a destination wedding.

4LeafClover3

My wedding is 45 minutes away from my hometown and all of the bridesmaids are staying at a local bed & breakfast at their own expense. I actually did pay for one person's room but that is because she is coming in from across the country and I wanted her to not have to keep spending an arm and a leg. But 45 minutes? No way. They can drive home if they want to.

hboo2011

If 45 minutes away was a destination wedding, then I also have a destination job...

CassieeK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:15113bd4-aaa2-49ce-9956-a3bf34ca5c80Post:ccb304b5-78e0-4403-a59a-0c0839dc648b">Re: wedding etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]If 45 minutes away was a destination wedding, then I also have a destination job...
Posted by hboo2011[/QUOTE]

<div>This!  </div><div>
</div><div>We have people coming from many states away, and we're not paying for their hotel rooms.  </div>

agy&wey

I totally agree. If there are any bm's requesting to have their rooms paid for b/c they think a 45 min drive is a destination wedding, then they just need not be in the wedding. How selfish can a person be to ask the BRIDE to do such a thing. This day is about the bride and not the maids. 

greenesmaid

this is GREAT!! thanks!

casims3

We are getting married in the city where we live (and where our families lives) but we are not having our ceremony in a church. According to FI's catholic grandma, this counts as a destination wedding. ha. I think everyone has their own definition, but like PPs said, that still wouldn't require the bride and groom to foot the hotel room bills.

LoveMuffins

Yeah... the WP is being greedy. Part of agreeing to be in a WP for a destination wedding is acknowledging that you will be paying for your travel / room expenses. There are some VERY generous people out there who are able and willing to pay for them for the WP but it is in no way expected or required even for a true destination wedding... which a 45 min drive is not.

kmmssg

I have a destination job?  um..yay?

I agree with everyone else.  They are being bratty so don't let them buffalo the bride and groom.  Good luck.

ootmother2

Actually, older etiquette books will say that the bride is responsible for "accomodations" of her attendants.  That could mean at  their home or with a relative or a close friend's home close to them. NOT free hotel rooms.

I believe that must have been before real destination weddings existed.

We had all the bridesmaids in a suite because the hairdressers were coming early in the morning and all but two were from out of town.

and I mean a lot more than 45 minutes.

LittleMissCutiePie

That is absolutely ridiculous. Forty-five minutes is NOT a destination wedding. From what I've learned, destination weddings require plane travel, or out of state/province car travel. Also, there is no rule saying that hotel rooms need to paid for, IMHO.