Moms and Maids

Want to help, but don't want to step on toes. (long)

My best friend of roughly a decade is getting married the Saturday after Thanksgiving this year and has asked me to be her maid of honor (a very pleasant surprise since she has two sisters). I've been a bridesmaid twice before, both times as an MOH actually, but it's a bit different this time: I live two hours away from both her & our hometown, where she's getting married. Nonetheless, I want to help out as much as she'll let me. From here, this goes in a few different directions...

1. She's really apathetic toward wedding planning thus far and has jokingly said I can plan the whole thing if I feel like it. Based on some of the things we've discussed as far as planning, I shared some ideas with her via Pinterest and scouted out bridesmaid dresses on my own when I was in town a couple weekends ago; she was very appreciative of the latter in particular. I've asked her to let me know what I can do, but I know she's really overwhelmed with planning at this point, hence why I've focused on specific things. I know she'll tell me if I'm doing too much and/or bombarding her with ideas to too great an extent, but how can I avoid stepping on toes?

2. One of the biggest things she has said she needs my help with (only half-jokingly) is keeping her mother at bay. Her parents are paying for the wedding. MOB's been like a second mother to me for years, but she has always been a pretty passive-aggressive person. She's really eager to plan this wedding, mostly because she says her MIL planned her whole wedding. Before BFF had any colors picked out or any details settled besides her maids and a date/location, MOB had rushed out on her own and bought print-at-home invitations in a very specific color. She has bought a bunch of other things without asking, too. When BFF told her mom that she knows money means input but she'd really like to be consulted about these things, MOB got huffy and now has been bombarding her with phone calls to the effect of a snippy "Well, I saw XYZ thing and I'd love to buy it, but I THOUGHT I'd ASK YOU first." Is it appropriate for me to try to run interference if BFF asks me to? If it is, how can I do so without, again, stepping on toes or doing harm to a great friendship?

3. How can I best help as a long-distance MOH? I have a very demanding job, and it's tough for me to get away even on the weekends. I'm already having to miss out, regretfully, on wedding dress shopping. I'm a little bit worried about the shower and bachelorette party, as time goes on, because I feel like I'm the only maid who has both the time and money to be able to take the lead on them (two other maids, the bride's sisters, are unemployed and completely broke, and the fourth just had her first child). I'm trying to relocate back to our hometown for other reasons, but until then, I feel like I'm stuck. Ideas?

Thanks for reading all the way to the end. :) I am very excited to be part of my best friend's wedding, I just want to make sure I'm being the best MOH I can under the circumstances.
Daisypath Anniversary tickers

"Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here."

Re: Want to help, but don't want to step on toes. (long)

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_want-to-help-but-dont-want-to-step-on-toes-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:16322473-f1e4-47be-ab52-5705862f5a25Post:d908ff38-bb85-43e5-9a50-6b3c13092010">Re: Want to help, but don't want to step on toes. (long)</a>:
    <div>
    </div><div>Fair enough. I guess I look at it as, I really enjoy wedding-type things. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to planning my own wedding. And I've always been one to pitch in and help with things, so it's honestly not a chore to help with this, especially if asked. Is it right for me to be volunteering, though?</div><div>
    </div><div>I see now, upon re-reading, that I probably need to stay out of the bride-MOB conflict, though. Any jokes about mixing MOB a Valium martini aside. ;)</div><div>
    </div>[QUOTE]...I hope she's paying you.
    <div>Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]</div><div>LOL -- I like you.
    </div>
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    "Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here."

  • She's very lucky to have someone that wants to help her to the extent that you are. A lot of brides come on here complaining that their MOH won't help with anything. I agree you should stay away from the conflict with MOB even if she asks you to run interference.
  •  Wow, I wish you were hirable for MOH, you are awesome!!!!
    Junebride12
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards