Moms and Maids

Not worth talking about anymore

Thanks for all the advice ladies! I needed to hear it and adjust my attitude!

Re: Not worth talking about anymore

  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It seems like you expected your mom's personality to change because you're getting married, and since she did not change, you are angry with her.  My advice, let all of it go. 

    None of those things you listed are huge issues.  I get that a lot of little things add up to something big, but seriously, in the grand scheme of things, your wedding is a party.  You don't need to ruin your relationship with your mom over planning a party.
  • edited December 2011
    Your teacher mom is probably trying to catch up with her own life at the beginning of her break and may not have all the free time that you think she has.

    Ask your mom if she has a day next week to show you how to make the totes. Then you do them. She sees no need to have those bags done 5 months ahead of time and neither do I. Make sure you are pleasant and thankful toward your mom for the sewing lesson.

    Your mom was following tradition by having her address on the RSVPs. If the invitations say 'Mr. and Mrs. Parents of the Bride request the pleasure of your company,' then what your mom did, makes sense. You and your fi should have reviewed those invitations before they were ordered. I agree that the groom's parents should have been listed either as co-hosts or you could have put 'The son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents' on the line after his name. It's not traditional though, but it's a nice gesture to your fi and his family.

    You are the go between of your parents and the caterer because you are the bride. Be happy that your mom is deferring to you on that, especially since the two of you have different organization styles. You can make sure that all the I s and T s are dotted and crossed, rather than trying to get mom to do it on your time schedule. Just ask her to keep all the RSVPs in a box for you, so that keep the count for the caterer.

    You and your sisters ran into problems with your wedding because you delegated important jobs to your mom. There's an old saying, 'If you want something done right, do it yourself.' That should be your motto.

    Best wishes and good luck.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you're having so many mom troubles.  As PPs suggested, try to limit her involvement as best you can and just go ahead and do a lot of this stuff yourself. 
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  • edited December 2011
    agree with PP - let it go.  my FMIL is a complete flake with EVERYTHING, best intentions but ZERO follow thru.  so i've just stopped couting on her or asking her for anything.  i feel so much better.  seriously.  the FI and argued a ton at the beginning of planning and a lot of our arguments dealt with FMIL issues.  but now we're great, everything feels great, completely relieved.  she may be hurt come day of or at some point when she realizes everything she's missed out on, or maybe not.  but that's on her and her lack of interest and involvement and follow thru.  my major concern with FMIL is that this one day was going to ruin our relationship in the future, and i just don't want that.  it's not worth it.  try not to stress and slowly cut ties with wedding projects.  if she gets upset, tell her that you just want her to be able to relax and anjoy herself or something along those lines.  and when she is offended by FMIL involvement, tell her that you're also building a new relationship with FMIL and that that is importnat to you.  maybe as a trade off have the FI do something with your mom, haha.  anyways, best wishes!
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the advice! I needed to hear it and adjust my attitude!
  • em01092em01092 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What exactly was her question? I get that it was mom related. Too late to quote, but a paraphrase? 
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