Why do people complain so much?

kimberlygo

Now is my turn to complain.  My maid of honor is giving me such a hard time about being a bridesmaid.  I have really been trying to accommodate her, but it’s to the point it’s kind of hurting my feelings. 

Firstly, I am not making her do anything except come a little early for pictures and stand up with me at the ceremony. She didn’t throw me a bachelorette party, which is fine. She is probably not going to show up for my shower, which is fine because she lives out of town.  I bought her dress and her jewelry and even did my best to consult her to find out what kind of dress and color she'd like. Originally I was going to let all of my girls wear a different dress, but then they all ended up liking the same one, so I just bought her the same one.  All she does is complain about the style of the dress. She doesn't like that the back is exposed, so I told her if she wanted to wear a shawl that would be OK. She doesn't like that when it came in, it was too big. I suggested she take it to a tailor, after all she’s not the first person with a dress that’s too big and its a pretty simple dress.  Now she is complaining about her hair. I am having a hair and makeup person come do my hair. I’m paying for my mom and my FI’s mom. I told my bridesmaids that I am not making them get there hair done, but if they wanted to get theres done too, this is what it will cost and to let me know 3 weeks before the wedding.  She is complaining about the cost.  I wouldn’t think of throwing her out or anything like that. Normally in other aspects of our lives we are totally fine, but at this point it’s really hurting my feelings. I have done my best to try to accommodate her. I have paid for the majority of the expenses with my own money, which is not growing on a tree in my back yard.  And the worst part is that instead of sharing this exciting time with my best friend, I feel like I am being beaten up over my choices concerning her hair and attire.  I know when the day rolls around it will be fine, and I’ll be too occupied with other things for it to really bother me. But for now it does. Should I just let it roll off my back or say something?

em01092

It sounds like you are doing everything right. Some people just like to biitch. 

If you paid for her dress, it is not unreasonable for her to pick up the tab of the alterations, but see what her budget is. Tell her she does not have to get her hair done, she is free to do her own at no cost. You are not obligated to pay for that. Don't let her make you feel bad about your choices, because it sounds like you are very nice and accomodating. 

LoveMuffins

When she complains about the hair I would just remind her that she doesn't need to pay for it so there's no problem there. If she complains about the dress, just tell her that you've already accommodated her concerns. Keep trying to change the subject.

If she won't, tell her that she's leeching your excitement with her constant negativity and you'd rather talk to her about something other than the wedding and then ask what's going on in her life.

The less you talk about the wedding, the less of a chance she'll have to be negative about it.

MairePoppy

You seem to be doing everything right.

If the complaining is atypical of your MOH, then I think you should ask her what's up. Weddings sometimes bring out the worst in people and she may not be aware of her constant complaining. If this is typical of her behaviour, I think you should avoid her. Let her know she can go to her own hair stylist or do her own hair, get the dress altered or wear it as is, you are not forcing any expenses on her.

Maggie0829

From here on out, just ignore her.  If she starts complaining about your wedding, quickly change the subject. 

You have done nothing wrong and have been more than accomodating.  Some people just like to complain.

calindi

For once, I can't see (at least from  your side of the story) what you could possibly be doing better.  So kudos on being a patient and understanding bride and, more importantly, friend!

As far as your friend goes, is she like this with other stuff?  Or just the wedding?

If she does this with other stuff, then it's just who your friend is and you probably knew that before the wedding (but probably didn't have to deal with it as much directly).  You can give her some tough love, tell her you're paying for her dress but can't afford more, and she's welcome to do whatever she wants with her hair - if she wants to go to a different salon to have it done cheaper, she's more than welcome to do that.  And since she's MOH, if she wants to buy another dress that's similar, tell her she's welcome to do that and sell the original. The MOH can look a bit different - perhaps a different style in the same material, if it's from one of those types of stores that do that (Davids Bridal and Alfred Angelo come to mind, though I know there are others).

If she's just doing this about the wedding, you might want to sit down and have a heart-to-heart and figure out why she's being so difficult.  I'm not sure the most diplomatic way of going about that conversation, but I feel like saying, "Hey, you seem to be really unhappy with everything about the wedding, and I was wondering what is going on?  Is there something I'm doing wrong here, or some reason you aren't excited to participate?"   She might be passive-aggressively telling you she doesn't want to be a part of the wedding for whatever reason.

Either way, stand your ground, be firm but caring, and hopefully it'll all clear up after the wedding!

ashlynkillman0

My MOH did the same thing, and then literally texted me one day and told me she wasnt coming to my wedding anymore. We were best friends for 16 years and when my wedding rolled around, it was like it turned her against me. Weddings may bring you and your man closer, but it makes others run the opposite way

kimberlygo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_why-do-people-complain-so-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:18dc3e2c-f871-4b53-ab68-db7a38b6abe5Post:a626747d-b2a4-425a-acf2-c4ece33bcfea">Re: Why do people complain so much?</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH did the same thing, and then literally texted me one day and told me she wasnt coming to my wedding anymore. We were best friends for 16 years and when my wedding rolled around, it was like it turned her against me. Weddings may bring you and your man closer, but it makes others run the opposite way :(
Posted by ashlynkillman0[/QUOTE]

<div>The thing that worries me, is that I could totally see that happening. Ugh...  </div>

melntaitt

My MOH is the same way; she chose her dress ordered then cancelled it. She isn't attending my shower and is still iffy about the bachelorette party. She complained that I had too many pre-wedding parties and she wasn't interested in attending.

I haven't asked for her money or even time but she continues to be a PIA with her constant whining and bitching. Like I've been told, just leave the big box of crazy alone and don't approach her with wedding related topics unless absolutely necessary.

Also, you're a great friend!

Cortney1982

I have a similar situation.  You bend over backwards for somebody like this and it's never enough.   Just tell her she can alter the dress however she likes, wear any cover up, and do her hair/makeup however she likes and be done with it.  It's not worth stressing over and spending extra time/money on.