Moms and Maids
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Monster In Law Vent session

Ok seriously I have had about enough of this lady. We used to be somewhat close and ever since my FI and I got engaged she has turned into a monster. Trying to tell us what we should and shouldn't spend our money on for the wedding. What is tacky what isn't, and everytime she wants something done her way she tries to throw money at it. She offered to pay for the entire thing if we had it at some god awful place that she wanted it at to try to impress her friends. Well we said no. This is our wedding and it is going to be done or way. She has this huge fear that we are going into debt over the wedding, when she has absolutley no idea how much money I make and the fact that we have been saving for this wedding for over a year.

She has not had one single nice thing to say about anything that we have done and I bet the day of the wedding she will not even have anything nice to say either.

FRUSTRATED!

Re: Monster In Law Vent session

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    edited December 2011
    This was the point that started to cut MFILs out of the planning. they started trying to butt into our personal lives (including our sex lives), more than the planning.  What helped me was i stopped asking for their opinions and would just email them the updated wedding information. i know this may sound horrible but emailing helped me process what was helpful information and what wasn't, it also kept me from saying anything that i regretted, which if i had a conversation with them i would have on several occasions.

    It sounds like she really wants to be involved in the planning-obviously, would it be helpful maybe to give her something to be in charge of for you? she might just want to do this to brag to her friends but if it gets her off your back...it might be worth it.
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    edited December 2011
    Since you are paying for your own wedding, there is really no need to discuss the details with her. She can't criticize your ideas if you don't share them with her.
                       
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    jazzycazyjazzycazy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is my Mother and I'm done with it. We're paying for our own wedding specifically because I knew if it wasn't that way she would take over. 

    Her latest issue is with FI's suit which she said was tacky or whatever. So her plan is to insist the other men at the wedding (we're having an intimate wedding) wear tuxes which is going to totally upstage FI. Am putting my foot down - enough is enough.

    If you're having a FMIL your FI needs to step in and have a word - it's the only way to sort it out.

    GL! 

    xjcx
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    edited December 2011
    Oh we are having the suit debate as well - My FI wants to wear an all white tux and I am ok with it. It is his day too and his mother just keeps going on and on about how bad that is going to look and that the ring bearer (who will also be in white) is just going to get his suit all dirty and blah blah blah.

    At this point I want my FI to be in all white if only just to piss her off. LOL and who cares if the ring bearer gets a little dirty. How dirty can he get between their house and the church, unless someone buys him an ice cream or something. Then that just makes for a good story.

    Whew this feels good to vent. LOL
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    KristaF12KristaF12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's nice to know someone else is sharing my pain (although I wouldn't wish this on anybody, it is awful to have a monster in law!) 

    From the moment we got engaged, my future MIL has tried telling me what dresses my bridesmaids should wear, how they should have their hair done, who should our hair, the cake, the flowers, how we should set up the reception, EVERYTHING!  And she's not even helping to pay for anything!   She even invited herself to go wedding dress shopping with me, which I made my fiance tell her she couldn't come.  That is a very special event that I wanted to share with my own mother.  She can go pick out tuxes with her son if she wants to be involved that way!

    From the very beginning, we told our parents that we were only inviting 150 guests to the wedding.  I had to repeatedly ask her for a guest list, and when she finally gave it to me, it had 120 names on it!  To me this said that she thinks she is more important than me and my family since she tried taking up 80% of the guest list.  My family is huge compared to my fiance's, and my mom managed to keep her guest list to 65.  When we told her that she would have to cut her guest list in half, she responded with "This wedding isn't all about you, it's about me too."  She finally cut it down, but now it is like pulling teeth to get addresses from her!  I finally had my fiance tell her that we can't invite people if we don't have their address, so if she doesn't get them to me then they aren't going to be invited.

    My most recent issue is that she just bought a white dress to wear to the wedding.  She did have the graciousness to ask me what I thought of the dress, but when I told her that I thought it looked white, she just said that it was silver and bought it anyway!  I just don't understand how some people can be so disrespectful!
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    edited December 2011
    Oh Ladies, I am in the same boat. My FMIL got along fine before the engagement, but since then it's just been a complete disaster. I'm pretty mellow, but there is only so much I can take! My FSIL has Aspergers and is super excited about the wedding, and my fiance wanted his family to be involved (probably so his mother wouldn't go off and do things on her own- like she did with our engagement party). But everything we do, every time we try to accomodate her, she spins it around and throws it back in our faces. She constantly complains about anything and everything from what time she needs to be on location for pictures (the wedding is in October) to the check in times at the hotels I've blocked out! But the most recent complaint was about the invites. So we made another set of invites to appease her. Guess what, not appeased. She even sent me a really snide email about them. I really want to cut her out of the whole process, but I don't want to hurt my FSIL in the process.

    I guess the only plus is that my fiance & I live more than an hour away from his family, and we communicate primarily through email. Anyone else into compiling and publishing a book of FMIL drama?
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    jstarr77jstarr77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FMIL and I also got along fine until the engagement.  Then she threw a fit the day after Thanksgiving (about what I am still not sure) and hasn't spoken to me or my FI since.  I wrote her a notecard and asked her to talk to me about what was wrong, or move past our differences because we have an exciting year ahead.  No response.  I am trying to be 'over it' but I can't put out of my head the fact that she is going to show up at our wedding after not speaking to us for over a year!?!?
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    FriskyMonkeyFriskyMonkey member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think every women has a monster in law.  My mom's MIL stole her wedding band and threw it away.  My parents didn't have a lot of money back then so she couldn't buy a new one.
    Some married friends told me that the MIL doesn't stop at the wedding.  Once you get pregnant it just gets worse.  Cause then they tell you how you are doing this wrong and that wrong with the baby.

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    edited December 2011
    OH MY GOSH!!!  She is so lucky  YOU are her future daughter-in-law!  If it were me, i would have already dis-invited her!  You need to put your foot down sweetie!  This day IS all about you....remember that!!!!  Take charge! 

    Good luck!
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    Samwise16Samwise16 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_monster-law-vent-session?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:19d1e1ba-a377-4b9e-a9ce-aa60d5d55d29Post:d8f4932d-1629-4cee-bf4d-82378332408b">Re: Monster In Law Vent session</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think every women has a monster in law.  <strong>My mom's MIL stole her wedding band and threw it away. </strong> My parents didn't have a lot of money back then so she couldn't buy a new one. Some married friends told me that the MIL doesn't stop at the wedding.  Once you get pregnant it just gets worse.  Cause then they tell you how you are doing this wrong and that wrong with the baby.
    Posted by FriskyMonkey[/QUOTE]

    <div>What the... If that were me... Oh man, raaaaaaaaaaage.</div>
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    edited December 2011
    Well it is nice to see I am in good company. Amazing how these ladies have a switch in them the moment they are about to "lose" their son. No longer will she be the most important woman in his life.

    And oh yes we were taling about children the other day and she had the nerve to tell me  - well when you have children you will have to move to Brookfield (that is where she lives - and currently we bought a house that is pretty equal distance between both of our parents that I love and want to raise children in) What nerve!
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    jazzycazyjazzycazy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_monster-law-vent-session?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:19d1e1ba-a377-4b9e-a9ce-aa60d5d55d29Post:6fd024e4-e47d-4bf0-8497-abad6015f5d2">Re: Monster In Law Vent session</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh we are having the suit debate as well - My FI wants to wear an all white tux and I am ok with it. It is his day too and his mother just keeps going on and on about how bad that is going to look and that the ring bearer (who will also be in white) is just going to get his suit all dirty and blah blah blah. At this point I want my FI to be in all white if only just to piss her off. LOL and who cares if the ring bearer gets a little dirty. How dirty can he get between their house and the church, unless someone buys him an ice cream or something. Then that just makes for a good story. Whew this feels good to vent. LOL
    Posted by ChrissyDipi[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This is the exact problem I'm having except it's not his mother that has the problem with FI's GORGEOUS white suit, it's my mother. </div><div>
    </div><div>Loving the venting!!</div><div>
    </div><div>xjcx

    </div>
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    mininicklemininickle member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know you probably don't think so...but you're lucky this is ALL you have to deal with! Is there like...some law that as soon as your son gets engaged you have to HATE your future daughter in law?

    We hadn't talked to my fiance's parents in about 2 years and when we got engaged we decided that it would be best to just make things better with them because there would be regret if they didn't make it to our wedding even though their drama was the reason we didn't talk for 2 years.

    Well as soon as we were back in their lives they were doing and saying everything they could to irritate us. The straw that broke the camels back was when I had mentioned that I wanted to replace my middle name with my maiden name then add my fiance's last name to the end (not hyphen) to which they flipped out on me, saying I should just stay single, that I am a whore, that I am going to ruin my fiance's life and if I didn't want to join the family I should not get married to their son. WTF?! Not only did I explain the misunderstanding but they didn't even talk to my fiance about it...they proceeded to delete us off of their facebook friend's list, block us and not talk to us again. REALLY? How immature are these people?

    Sometimes it's best to just let other people be immature and regret their mistakes down the road. My in laws are spawn of satan, bad parents and I am so ready to not even tell them that they have grandchildren when we have them.

    Just ignore the FMIL...once her horns are trimmed, her tail coils back into her buttcrack and her hooves are polished she MIGHT realize what a crack head she is and apologize. OR push you away to which hey...that is her fault, not yours.
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