Mom not on board, feeling discouraged

bnc512

So my mom isn't to happy with me getting married. SHe has a whol evision of what she wants for me in her head and what i have now isn't her ideal. Originally my fh and myself were planning for an august 2012 wedding. My fh has joined the army adn will be shipping out to bootcamp this october 2011 and we both decided that we would like ot get married before he leaves so we have now moved the date up to September 2011. I recently just told my mom of the change and like i figured it did not go well. SHe is not very supportive and continues to try to change my mind about things hoping that I will meet her dream guy instead. I feel discouraged because this is my mom and I want her to be part of this and enjoy it with me and help me plan in the 8 weeks we have to pull this together. I don't know how to talk to her about it. I feel lost and dont know what to do about my mom. Has anyone ever been in a similar boat? what was your outcome? did anyones mom eventually come around after the initial shock?

SSaltzman87

I'd definitely keep her out of wedding conversations. That way, she has nothing to comment on.

kmmssg

Is there more to the story?  Is she concerned that you are too young or that you and FI haven't been together very long?  Does she have concerns about work ethic, education level, how he treats you?

I'd like to offer some help, but there has to be more to this than you choosing a guy who is going into the Army.

BTW - my niece had to move her wedding to the same day as yours thanks to the Army and deployment plans changing.

bnc512

Basically this is the story....Im 24. I had my son at 22. My fiance and I have known each other for about 10 years (he has been my brothers best friend for a long time) but only have been actually dating a year and a half. He is 22 now. In the year and a half relationship we went through a lot, his father passed away, myself returning to school, etc. SO our relationship went through a lot but we always brought the best out of each other and got each other through tough times. My mom and I have never seen eye to eye. She has hated the way her life has turned out and potrays this image of a perfect lifestyle for me. She always say she wants me to marry a man with money and a good job and not have to work adn be able to stay home. She has this image of a tall dark handsome dream guy (that we all when we are young imagine ourselves marrying) she also doesnt want to get past that I have grown up I have a child of my own. She wants me to live next door and be with her everyday and be around her grandson everyday. We have lived with her even after i had my son so I can understand how close she is to my son and moving away will be hard for her. But what she doesn't realize is that Im happy, i dont want a picture perfect image. I like my relationship with my fiance and we work together to bring the best out of each other we push each other to achieve the most we can and we overcome our problems together. We do not have a perfect relationship but we communicate well with each other and have a very close bond. He has taking my son in like his own and loves him to death and asked to adopt him since his biological father is  not in the picture. But nothing seems to be good enough for my mom. She walks around the house now giving me scowling looks and wont hold a conversation with me even over stupid casual talk. i understand she is my mom adn she has her concerns but she still treats me like im her 12 year old daughter that is oblivious to the world and needs her 100% guidence and told what and how to do it. She also is absolutly against the army and keeps trying to convince me to wait until after his contract is up but what she doesnt get is he is looking to make the army a career.

regansma

OMG... when I read this I thought, "she is talking about me...". This sounds exactly like my mother that is holding her unhappiness (unrightfully so) against me/my wedding. We are getting married Sept 2012 and every idea down to flowers has been criticized. She also says she won't have a shower for us. She had one already (I was married to my sons father, but never had an actual "wedding") however, it was 15 of HER friends and I wasnt even there bc I was stationd in CA. Not to mention, she has told me several times that our "marriage won't work". My FI and I are great together; we too bring out the best in eachother and live and enjoy life to the fullest. Her prob: he does construction and is less "weathered" in the ways of the world.
I am 32 and have an 11 yo and my FI is 31. We get along great (all 3 of us). Unfortunately, he doesnt look or act, the part of the type of man she sees me with. It got to the point where I was secod guessing myself... "does she see something I don't"....I adore my FI and the person he is and strives to be.Even my best friends (of 25 yrs) love him and the person I am when we are together!
I have recently decided I will continue makin our wedding plans....without her. This is supposed to be a happy time for us and after numerous attempts to include her, she has made it impossile for me. How can I pretend to enjoy this time w/ someone who doesn't even approve of it.