Advice? (Long...)

ramisenh

I'm in a little bit of a pickle and need some advice.

One of my bridesmaids is a pledge sister from my college sorority. We were very close while we were both active, drifted apart for a bit, but then got close again about a year and a half ago when she returned to finish school. I asked her to be a bridesmaid and everything has been great.

Things get a little complicated by the fact that I'm also her boss for two different jobs. We've always said work is work and so any issues stay at work. This last semester she started having some attitude issues at work and eventually it escalated to a point where she quit and if she hadn't, she would have been fired. It really disappointed me to see how she handled the situation because I have stuck up for her all along and I feel like I got slapped in the face.

We haven't talked in over 3 weeks (since the incident at work). I know it's rude to kick out a bridesmaid so I don't want to do that. But how do I figure out if she is going to still be part of our wedding? Part of the complication is she is planning on joining the military after graduation so she may not be around for the wedding next summer but I don't think that thought has crossed her mind.

One thought I had was to email the BMs about their dresses (I've finally made up my mind!) and wait to see what her response is. Any other ideas?

bethsmiles

I think your idea is a good one, but you might also try calling to ask her to lunch sometime - not to talk about if she still wants to be BM but to make sure that what happened at work hasn't impacted your friendship with her. Focus on the friendship before the wedding.

tpender13

I would call/email/text/FB her just to see how she's doing. Don't even bring up the wedding -- the quesiton may just answer itself.

joyfulhappy1

best just to talk to her about your wedding and find out if she still wants to be involved, rather than conclude that because she handled things badly at work means that she has given up on being in your wedding. 

Maggie0829

Why don't you pick up the phone and just talk to her as a friend.  Sometimes it is hard to keep work life separate from personal life especially when your close friends.  Just take some time and talk with her about what's been going on in her life and just work on the friendship right now.

WestCoastGirl05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1c77575e-37d1-414f-8fbe-7e63f2380824Post:f64e7eb4-f324-435c-afb7-7938ca2f5c98">Re: Advice? (Long...)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your idea is a good one, but you might also try calling to ask her to lunch sometime - not to talk about if she still wants to be BM but to make sure that what happened at work hasn't impacted your friendship with her. Focus on the friendship before the wedding.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

I think this is the best answer!! Go with this one

steffenfam

I agree that you need to phone her (not text or email) and schedule a time to meet over coffee or whatever.  I know you said "work means work" but it's really hard to keep work stuff from interfering with a personal relationship.  Maybe the friendship can be resolved, but maybe it can't.  You won't know until you sit down and talk.  And the wedding situation should be the last thing on your mind (and in your conversation) at this point.

Kate61487

definitely see if the friendship is still there first and foremost.  I think emailing about BM dresses is okay because it's the whole group so you're not singling her out (singling her out may feel, to her, like you're trying to get her to step down, even if your intent is really just to make sure she hasn't already).  If she doesn't respond to the dress email one way or another try reaching out to her as a friend.

volleygurl0306

 I agree with the other PP that you should have a one-on-one convo with her about your friendship first.  One other thing no one else mentioned is now that she is out of that job, money may be tighter for her so shooting off an email about dresses may actually make it harder on her.  If she doesn't respond right away she could be trying to figure out if she can even afford to be in your wedding even if she's not mad at you.  Talk to her about how important her friendship is and you wish things hadn't worked out like they did at work.  Then when you find out how she's doing, approach your wedding.