Moms and Maids

Can't Take the Drama!!! (a lil long)

I will try to make this short and sweet, here goes....My wedding is next May.  I have asked my 4 sisters and my fiance's sister to be BMs.  However, I also asked my Best Friend.  Well my mom and sisters have been more than obvious about the fact that they disagree with my decision.  To the point of almost shunning her and making my friend feel like odd man out, while my friend tries to go out of her way to be involved, and helpful.   Also, I have a 6 yr old daughter (that I bring to this relationship), the moment wedding/marriage was mentioned she got so excited but she also asked if she could have her little bff (my best friends daughter) as a flower girl with her.  Now, after some discussion my Fiance and I agreed we were fine with it.

Now comes the problem: My mom has made more than a few comments about the fact that she dislikes that I have put my friends daughter as a flower girl with my daughter.  It has become insanly frustrating for me because my mom and I usually dont see eye to eye, and I was hoping the wedding planning would bring us closer...but now I feel its going to tear us further apart.  She feels that having 2 flower girls takes away from my daughter, however, my fiance and I have made arrangements with the church to include my daughter in the vows/exchange of rings with a special token for her to symbolize our coming together as a family.  My mom wants my 2 flower girls to be as different as possible to the point its insane, she has told me I better dress them different, I better make my child stand out more...etc.  I have chosen the same dress for the girls however my daughters will be white (like mine) and the other will wear blue (like the BMs) My daughters flowers will be a mini-replica of mine, while the other will be a mini-replica of the BM's.  But we are nit-picking to the point of the earrings and necklace i wanted to purchase the kids, and how my daughter should be special, and the other child is "no one" ...my response was kind of snippy (because im losing my cool now) i turned real quick and said " i would buy my 6 BMs the same jewelry, why not my 2 FGs??  Especially because like I said my fiance and I are planning to purchace a special item (most likely a ring) for my daughter.

I am losing my mind, I dont know what to do, I am getting to a point that I am just OVER the whole wedding, instead of being excited!!!  I obviously cant go to my Best Friend about this because i dont want to make her feel aweful.  I know its my day, and my decisions, but I just can't take the comments etc. and I am trying not to cause a huge issue between me and my mom and sisters...Advise pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
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Re: Can't Take the Drama!!! (a lil long)

  • Do not talk to your mom about what you are buying for the flower girls. When she asks just say it's all set and change the subject. Your mother is being ridiculous!
  • Who is paying for the wedding?  
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2012
    Is your mom paying for the things she is arguing with you about? If you and the other flower girl's mom are paying for the dresses and accessories, there's no need to run all the details by your mother. If she brings up the subject, tell her those things have been decided already and then change the subject.

    How are your mom and sisters excluding your friend?
                       
  • I would go with " What kind of adult would purposefully go out of thier way to make a 6  year feel that they are second rate? X knows she is my daughter. She is thrilled to have her best friend walk down the aisle with her. They enjoy dressing alike. Please do not bring this subject up again."
  • My Fiance and I are paying for most of it...both our families are trying to help where they can....


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cant-take-the-drama-a-lil-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:23f9c198-3ac7-4027-8090-018529fd8d49Post:8d1a1a03-dfb0-4e2c-af2a-fda9bd8a8d73">Re: Can't Take the Drama!!! (a lil long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Who is paying for the wedding?  
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • its kinda hard to explain...my mom and most of my sisters are close (my older sister is my fathers from a previous marriage, the younger sisters are my mothers), and it just shows to me when I step back and look, that my friend is like odd-man-out, ya know?!?  And I know she feels it, because she has made comments to me like " please tell your sister (my moh) to make sure im included in the planning of events (ex - shower/bach. party)  I want to help as much as possible....."

    See my BFF and my older sister and I are all allot alike, in the sense that we just kind of mesh right in to any situation...we get along with everyone...and normally just kind of merge right into a group...I guess best put...we tend to be people persons, make friends easily. 


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cant-take-the-drama-a-lil-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:23f9c198-3ac7-4027-8090-018529fd8d49Post:70f802e5-5a35-4f63-b4bd-6050526171c9">Re: Can't Take the Drama!!! (a lil long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is your mom paying for the things she is arguing with you about? If you and the other flower girl's mom are paying for the dresses and accessories, there's no need to run all the details by your mother. If she brings up the subject, tell her those things have been decided already and then change the subject. How are your mom and sisters excluding your friend?
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]
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  • Thankfully nothing is said or done, infront of the kids...but I def. think there is a disconnect in the communication between mom and I....like I think if I got to finish my statement fully about the necklace and earrings...then she would have understood that the jewelry was really nothing special...that it was just kind of part of their gift for them to wear to the wedding...my Fiance and I purchased my daughter a ring to be given to her when we do the vows, etc...

    ugh...its just a whole mess.....


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cant-take-the-drama-a-lil-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:23f9c198-3ac7-4027-8090-018529fd8d49Post:37ec8190-d79c-4d04-87fb-4c5f88a4c7d8">Re: Can't Take the Drama!!! (a lil long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would go with " What kind of adult would purposefully go out of thier way to make a 6  year feel that they are second rate? X knows she is my daughter. She is thrilled to have her best friend walk down the aisle with her. They enjoy dressing alike. Please do not bring this subject up again."
    Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Since you're paying for  your own wedding, stop discussing all those details with mom.

    Aside from letting your mom and your sisters know that you would like your BFF included there isn't much else you can do. Your wedding isn't until May, so there really isn't much for the bridal party to do, at this point.
                       
  • Your bridesmaid situation sounds like mine. My sisters are so mean to my friend who is a bridesmaid as well. I sat them down and told them, if they have problem with her being a bridesmaid tell me about it and don't be like this to one of my friends. They had nothing to say and it has been ok ever since then. I don't understand that at all.
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